I can't tell if it's killing me or making me stronger
Don't kick me when I'm down because when I get back up you are f****d!
Apologies, I don't know how to use the highlight feature when I want to highlight parts of other people's posts, so I copy/pasted....
I agree with Blanket, you need to surround yourself with positive and understanding people who BTDT and survived infidelity..
Your WH's mom may speak from a place of ignorance or inexperience in this type of situation , which is common... I would venture to guess her advice is how she would personally deal with being a betrayed party if infidelity happened in her marriage.. Not a reflection of how she knows you as a daughter in law..
While it is relatively early in your marriage and you are still young, it would be wise to divorce this guy or insist that he brings in a fair share of the family income.. Make this a condition he has to meet and maintain before you decide to stay with him in the marriage..My predicament is the hindsight I offer people newly betrayed, so that they never find themselves in my shoes...
Temporary unemployment is one thing, we all go thru that...
But the divorce laws in this country (especially no fault states) protect the non wage earners in the marriage whether or not they cheat..
I have nothing against stay at home moms and dads who behave well in the marriage and don't take advantage of their partners...I take issue with a non wage earner who cheats and abuses his or her partner's love and good will..
So don't let too much time get under your belt in this marriage with him being a dead beat cheat..
It is a special kind of hell to have a new D-day at retirement age with an un remorseful WS...To divorce this kind of person would mean you would have to support him in his new single life to the detriment of your own..
[This message edited by doggiediva at 10:18 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)]
You Owe Him Nothing! Not One Single Damned Thing! And be warned. Blood usually sticks with blood. Plus, in cultures with arranged marriages, the focus is on keeping the marriage intact no matter what, like a business arrangement where you may forgive a lot to keep the business intact. That, however, need not affect you one bit. Other's expectations are not yours. Stand up for what you want and what you deserve.
You've made a good start by kicking him out. Do not, I repeat, do NOT weaken now. Walk the path that you choose, and demand what you deserve, or you will be here again. And possibly again.
I would strongly suggest that you see a lawyer and find out what your rights are. I would strongly suggest that if you are in a state that has the option of a legal separation, that you start the process. Or the process of divorce. Filing first gives you the right to ask for what you want/deserve and puts him on the defensive. Mind you, you do not have to follow through. You can cancel a legal separation/divorce until the moment that you walk in front of the judge for the last time. But it will show your intentions, it may cut through his fog, and it tends to get the WHs full attention. It also, quite frankly, cuts down on your misery, as he will either straighten up, or he will waffle around/run away and you can be freed of him that much quicker. That sounds heartless, but heartless is fucking someone other than your wife and then expecting her to accept your insults and continue to support you.
Come back often for support. We're all here for you.
D-Day, June 10, 2012