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User Topic: Your thoughts
funnyguy
♂ Member
Member # 43192
Question  Posted: 2:47 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I the wife sends me an email as usual hows your day, I replied having a tough day today due to our talk lastnight. I kimda opened up with little response from her. I trying to take down some of the walls I have built. So today I said back in the text I feel like your still so far away from me. I said you can see me at my worst and yet don't even hug or maybe even consule me.

She repled this .

I agree I do feel far away, I don't even know where my days go living such a blah mode. Ups and downs all the time . Its not fair to you at all so thats why I hold back allot. I am having a harder time also knowing you know, its such and awkward feelig.

Sheis referring to me knowing everything as I got TT 2 weeks ago and found out other info from this guy telling other people.


Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
HighlandPaddy
♂ Member
Member # 43930
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is a really hard way to find out. If she want to reconcile, then she MUST get over her awkwardness and shame. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. There is no easy way.


So live your life that fear of death can never enter your heart.

Posts: 78 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: NY
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO, neither e-mail nor texting can be a decent medium for this sort of exchange. Without the non-verbal communication, it's too easy to misunderstand and blow things up.

Can you hold this sort of talk until you're face to face? Even a phone call is better; at least that way you ear tone of voice.

JMO, of course.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10384 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

funnyguy))) from reading your profile, I'm impressed to tell you to put your foot down.

You asking for hugs makes you look weak - that is not attractive. Stop "opening up" - you can't "nice" her back. Unless I'm mistaken, she's still working out at the affair-place.
Boohoo she feels awkward - notice it's "about her"?
Don't settle for being someone's Plan B brother.

I'm sorry if it's harsh. You need to begin respecting yourself and find your inner strength - independent of her!

Have you tried the 180?


Posts: 6653 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree I do feel far away, I don't even know where my days go living such a blah mode. Ups and downs all the time . Its not fair to you at all so thats why I hold back allot. I am having a harder time also knowing you know, its such and awkward feelig.

This is a manipulation - You are supposed to go, Oh I know it's hard for you too schmoopy, I'm sorry I showed my weakness. Lets just not talk about it at all.

Seriously you deserve better, I have to keep my distance.....Cheaters handbook stuff there.

Time to get tough. She can't console you right now, because she can't even accept that she is broken.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8721 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
funnyguy
♂ Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I told lastnight, she needs therapy and she decided to go today I also told her to go to her moms until she gets herself together. Becasue doing what she is doing isn't love at all. I also said still working out at the same gym he does , also isnt love. she got angry and thinks I'm controlling again.??? . I said its still bad enough you work there still but to continue to work out there and I'm suppose to be ok everytime you go. is bullshit.

I put my foot down lastnight


Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice job funny guy. You are doing well. Your wife is unremorseful as can be. She's still in the fog and wants to see OM. Her actions have consequences. You are showing her those consequences. Stay the course.

yop


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2206 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The controlling line is another classic cheaters handbook gambit. You are merely asserting your boundaries. She can blow them up by continuing to go to the gym or she can respect your needs. But if she makes this about your being 'controlling' then follow putting your foot down with seeing a D attorney and filing. Do not let her make this about how she's such a poor widdle victim. You are right that it is disrespectful of her to keep up the gym attendance and she won't admit it because she's not remorseful.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
funnyguy
♂ Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are so right, she just got back from IC and said she didn't like the Therapist. Go figur

I totally am not buying this I feel so bad I can't move forward. I said then I guess I can't move foward either with you. then she went on again and said now I feel I can't go to my gym. I said thats your your choice to do whats right. I funny i don't think she can come to terms that she doesn't love me or even want the marriage.I said you are the only one holding any of this back. So go to your moms and and you can have the kids every few days, until you figure yourself out or even get past what you did. its just a constant I feel so bad on her part. I said I feel bad also everyday but guess what I know what I want and I am trying to move forward in all of this and you are holding me back with you being so distance from the marriage.


Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
Topic Posts: 9

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