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Newest Member: Tina73 (44910)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Got mail
Tigaress
♀ Member
Member # 43954
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I'm going crazy. Just got the notification in the building system that I had mail ('messenger') and my first thought was 'my husband is sending me divorce papers'. My heart almost stopped. I grabbed my keys and went to get the mail and on the way downstairs I thought 'maybe my husband feels terrible about what he did and he is sending me flowers'? When I reached the ground floor, I found out that it was the baby formula that I had ordered a couple days ago. How long does this craziness last? Just a simple mail notification turned into a roller coaster ...

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: New York
Raspberry
♀ Member
Member # 42853
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I can totally imagine that happening to me. To me the craziness has lasted over a year.... it hasnt gotten better. Some things have but I think since the trust is gone, there will always be an untrusting, nervous or even paranoid side. I'm glad it was just innocent mail! :)

Posts: 115 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Raspberry
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wait - I'm confused. You served your husband with divorce papers, but you were afraid he'd signed and processed them? Were the papers just a last ditch attempt to get his attention? I'm not quite sure I understand. But yeah, welcome to the never-ending roller coaster ride. Ugh.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1752 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Tigaress
♀ Member
Member # 43954
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi NeverAgain - no I haven't served anything. I just found out about this on Sunday and currently I'm still in shock. Also, he asked me to not divorce him right away but give him a chance to get his act together (which I don't think he will do, sadly). After I agreed to not divorce him immediately, I asked him to end contact with the person and since then I have not heard a word from him, no responses to texts, not even picked up the phone when I called him. I thought that he might have changed his mind and served me with divorce papers. I'm really ambivalent about the divorce. Over the last years a lot of bad things happened to us and the rough times didn't have good impact on us as a couple. But emotionally I am still very attached to him (8 years, we have a baby..). He always makes great promises, seems to want to have a future together as a family and sometimes I have hope. And I'm also scared of being alone.

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: New York
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember the hyper-alertness well. For me, it got a lot better when I let go of the idea of reconciliation and filed for divorce. It took about four months for that to happen, and to be honest, there were things that would trigger it for about a year after that.

Posts: 1677 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
brokenblackbird
♀ Member
Member # 29541
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he asked me to not divorce him right away but give him a chance to get his act together

How is ignoring your calls and texts accomplishing this ^?

At the very least you should get a free consultation (or two) with an attorney to find out what your rights are.

Your husband has now abandon you and your child(ren) and is not communicating with you.

Which says he is most definitely not "getting his act together"!


Posts: 769 | Registered: Sep 2010
Landoes
♂ Member
Member # 40222
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure how long it lasts. I've been on the coaster for a year, but it does get better. There is nothing I can do about the linking memories, or just simple triggers.
Only thing I can say is that the triggers and mind movies have less impact with time.
Wish you well.

Posts: 70 | Registered: Aug 2013
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He asked you not to divorce and now he's ignoring you?

I'd get his attention. I'd send a text that reads:

I said I wouldn't file for divorce while you got your shit together. However, if you're going to act as if I don't exist, I'm going to file. You have until tomorrow to get here and explain yourself, or I'm filing.

You don't have to wait for who knows how long to find out what is happening with your life. I know you're new to this, and your head is spinning, but trust me, the longer you let him control the situation, the worse it will get.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Isn't he a foreigner? Don't wait. Here's why. If he returns, getting divorced just got complicated. Very complicated. Ask a lawyer who has done this before. Your WH may be stalling until he makes,good with his escape and all your liquid assets turned into gold bullion which he smuggles,back to India(?).

Not saying this will happen,,but it might.


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 9

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