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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Couldn't get a hold of WH, panicked...false alarm...
callmesteph
♀ New Member
Member # 43595
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I drove to LA for surgery earlier this week and my WH stayed back to work. I have many friends and family here to help take care of me after surgery so we agree for him to fly and meet me tomorrow (Saturday) so he could help me drive home next week.
I tried to call him at 4:30pm repetitively today and could not get a hold of him. Did not answer my texts either.

I panicked.....haven't done that for months. I asked my friend to come over my house to check to see if he was at home as there was the possibility he was sleeping. If he lied that he was at home then I would also have evidence. She checked and he was not home.

Thirty minutes later, after endless anxiety filled moments he called to tell me that he just landed at LAX airport and wanted to surprise me a day early. He had called to ask my niece my hotel room number earlier in the day but of course I was not in on it.

So I am here...,,part relief but part sad that I have to feel this way because of what he did. I guess it's normal to feel this way afterward the betrayal that we go thru.

I also feel very happy that it was a false alarm! Thought I share just in case others want to chime in on similar experiences!

Happy 4th to all you wonderful folks here on SI.


BS: me (41) WS: him (42)
M:12 yrs T:23 yrs 3 kids (4,7,9)
DDay: 12/3/2013
OW#1- 2 1/2 yr A; OW#2-2mth A; +escorts
In Reconcilation

Posts: 50 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: USA
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At least he showed up in LA before your blood pressure hit sky high!

Please be kind. He truly was showing he cares.


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
callmesteph
♀ New Member
Member # 43595
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Schadenfreude.....LOL....I'm sure my BP and HR was up there along with everything else! Unfortunately, he paid an arm and a leg for last minute changes on a holiday.


BS: me (41) WS: him (42)
M:12 yrs T:23 yrs 3 kids (4,7,9)
DDay: 12/3/2013
OW#1- 2 1/2 yr A; OW#2-2mth A; +escorts
In Reconcilation

Posts: 50 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: USA
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was a lovely surprise that he came a day early!

You know, it took me a long, long time to finally stop involuntarily triggering about certain things or actions that had always caused me anxiety. Over time, you find yourself not reacting as deeply as you used to. I think with time and the security you're slowly rebuilding once more, you'll see one day you won't react nearly as much as you did this time.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1765 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad you are feeling better about the situation.

But I am confused. YOU are having surgery but drove. HE is just visiting but flew? Isn't that a little backwards?


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
callmesteph
♀ New Member
Member # 43595
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NeverAgain2013.....I used to be such a carefree person, very independent of WH actions. PostA....every little red flag spontaneously stimulates a verification reaction since that complete trust is no longer present.

I think with time and the security you're slowly rebuilding once more, you'll see one day you won't react nearly as much as you did this time.

Thank you for that...I can't wait til that day comes!


BS: me (41) WS: him (42)
M:12 yrs T:23 yrs 3 kids (4,7,9)
DDay: 12/3/2013
OW#1- 2 1/2 yr A; OW#2-2mth A; +escorts
In Reconcilation

Posts: 50 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: USA
callmesteph
♀ New Member
Member # 43595
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Schadenfreude.....lol again! Yes my life seems backwards in many respect :). It's just that we don't have family where we live and I preferred to drive since I have 3 kids that love to be around cousins their age down south (BTW my WH can not handle watching the kids x1 wk by himself!). So H flies to see me for a couple days...while I get clearance from the surgeon 7 days post-op then he would drive us home instead of flying.

Hope that clarifies the confusion and thank you for your concern....I was also very "kind" to him for surprising me early!

P.s. He did offer to drive us to LA (8 hrs drive) but I didn't think it was necessary so I declined. Although I had to go under, the surgery wasn't life threatening to warrant his presence.


BS: me (41) WS: him (42)
M:12 yrs T:23 yrs 3 kids (4,7,9)
DDay: 12/3/2013
OW#1- 2 1/2 yr A; OW#2-2mth A; +escorts
In Reconcilation

Posts: 50 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: USA
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gotta try to have a little humor here that isn't A related, right?

Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
callmesteph
♀ New Member
Member # 43595
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely! Humor and laughter helps heal so much! Although my story doesn't sound funny now, I'm sure someday I will look back and feel the irony and humor in it.


BS: me (41) WS: him (42)
M:12 yrs T:23 yrs 3 kids (4,7,9)
DDay: 12/3/2013
OW#1- 2 1/2 yr A; OW#2-2mth A; +escorts
In Reconcilation

Posts: 50 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: USA
hopefull77
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

good luck with your surgery!
hope the kids can get to the beach...it's hot in this half of the state!


me-BS
him-WS
3 adult children 1D 2S
married-1977
LTA 09-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr



Posts: 556 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
callmesteph
♀ New Member
Member # 43595
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hopefull77.....thank you. Surgery and recovery is going well. We will be hanging out at my sister's house who have a pool. The beach sounds really nice...too bad I'm told to stay out of the sun :(.


BS: me (41) WS: him (42)
M:12 yrs T:23 yrs 3 kids (4,7,9)
DDay: 12/3/2013
OW#1- 2 1/2 yr A; OW#2-2mth A; +escorts
In Reconcilation

Posts: 50 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: USA
hopefull77
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Umbrella Steph..umbrella!!!
Seriously though glad all went well!


me-BS
him-WS
3 adult children 1D 2S
married-1977
LTA 09-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr



Posts: 556 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
Topic Posts: 12

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