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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My therapist sided with my cheating husband
Tigaress
♀ Member
Member # 43954
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a sad 4th of July evening. Cheating husband is still giving me the silent treatment and I'm sitting at home trying to study for an upcoming exam but am having a hard time focusing. What's going around in my head is what my therapist said last time I saw him. I showed him some of the text messages between me and my husband and he seemed to side a bit with my husband. One of his statements was 'but if he only kissed her and didn't sleep with her then he didn't really cheat'. Seriously? And then he slapped me around (verbally) about my vicious text messages. The ones I sent after my husband had sent me about 100 messages blaming me for everything. I kind of know that I'm not the bad guy here but there's still some doubt coming up, particularly after such statements from my therapist ...

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: New York
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of his statements was 'but if he only kissed her and didn't sleep with her then he didn't really cheat'.

One answer - NEW THERAPIST - NOW!!!

So, I guess EAs aren't even cheating at all - what's the big deal?

New therapist, Immediately. Ask for your money back from this one, or cancel the check.

Unfuckingreal.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Badhurt
♂ Member
Member # 41947
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tigresses

Change therapist. Some of these people are so out of touch with reality that they look at everything in theoretical terms. And therapy is NOT a quantitative art. It is totally subjective and if you tell the exact same story to ten of them, you will get all different opinions
The ones that get me are the idiots that will tell someone that just caught their spouse cheating to put it aside and concentrate on why.
If you are not comfortable with the view of things you are getting get a new MC. If you feel attacked that is not something you should be paying for


Posts: 1097 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does the therapist have a big broom in the office for rugsweeping?

Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

'but if he only kissed her and didn't sleep with her then he didn't really cheat'.
Ask him if it is okay with him if his wife goes out kissing other men?

See what he says to that.


Posts: 3931 | Registered: Jun 2002
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our first MC told me on the SECOND appointment that "He apologized, he said he won't do it again. You need to get over this."

Annnnd FIRED.

You need a new therapist asap.

(((Tigaress)))


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17296 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This topic should read "My ex-therapist sided with my cheating husband."


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4076 | Registered: Sep 2005
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

New therapist. End of story!!!

Posts: 1151 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Tigaress
♀ Member
Member # 43954
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Craig 2001 - I asked him exactly that and he said that it would be much worse if his wife 'fucked somebody' than if she kissed him .... I asked him if he had ever cheated but he refused to answer my question.

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: New York
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I fired my therapist 3 weeks ago. Not all of them are good.

Don't doubt yourself for one second.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2058 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did therapist cheat? Exactly what I was thinking.

Get rid of him.


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did therapist cheat?

IME, on cheaters stick up for other cheaters.

So I guess you get to go out and make out with whoever you want.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 592 | Registered: Mar 2003
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, new therapist and tell him WE all said so!

They (therapists) are NOT all good. We quit our first MC because she couldn't stop talking about herself!

Good luck, Tigaress!


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 429 | Registered: Nov 2013
12yearsloyal
♀ Member
Member # 43064
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FIRE HIM!!!!


Him: WS, Selfish, mental, mid-life crisis LTA EA PA
Me: BS American, Blonde, thin, attractive (and none of that mattered)
OW: Caribbean whore (RuPaul is better looking)
What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?

Posts: 161 | Registered: Apr 2014
lostcovenants
♀ Member
Member # 40637
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please, what loser! Does he work in a clinic with other counselors? Fire him by email and copy his bosses. Consider reporting him to whatever agency licensed him in your state. And yes! Demand a refund! (Wish you could cc his wife! I wonder what number he is on?)

My husband's IC recommended he leave me and told him not to tell me the truth about his cheating, that I would never get enough information, so give me none. Yea, lying is always the best policy. I have NEVER hated anyone in my life, until I found that out. He continued to see her for months after that. And defends her when I bring her up. Well, he defends his AP too, me? Not so much.


BS 60; fWH 59; 2 children, 1 grandchild; Married 37+ years, he is my only; D-day 7/8/13; Married OW, PA 2009-2011; sexting with same MOW 2012-2013. Broke it off about a week before I found out.

Update-Sexting on cheating forums 14 YEARS. Idiot me


Posts: 161 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
HeBrokeVows
♀ Member
Member # 43252
Default  Posted: 12:24 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I honestly can't believe what some therapists say. We come into their office so vulnerable that they can take out emotions and direct them any way they want. If your gut isn't comfortable with a therapist, switch. You shouldn't walk away feeling the way you have. Especially one with a ridiculous view of kissing isn't cheating. Unreal. Seriously, I wonder how some of these people have licenses. And to the person who mentioned their therapist told them to get over it, unreal!!


Dday March 12, 2014. Found out my husband of almost 10 years was having an affair, first emotional then physical for 6 months.

Posts: 330 | Registered: Apr 2014
sohowamI
♀ Member
Member # 36671
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A therapist we (as a couple) saw many years ago when we had been having communication problems was fully cognizant of my WS having had numerous affairs - one of ten years - and my WS requesting that she NOT tell me, then didn't! She kept this information to herself and she was supposed to be a marriage counsellor! This actually meant that she enabled him to lie and cheat. It was as if THEY became a couple themselves because she was drawn into the drama of his life.

I only found out about this after having found out about it all two years ago. If I had known then... What a disgrace she is.

Definitely fire yours and find yourself someone who understands what infidelity really means.


WS had two LTAs of 10 years and 12 years; further 8/9 affairs; EAs, 2 OC. Looks horrific but he is fully immersed in trying to find the 'broken.' It's on-going and painful. If there's a blue sky and sunshine, then it's a good day.

Posts: 166 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: UK
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nothing like compounding the pain of betrayal with a worthless shitty therapist. I'm so sorry.

We had a terrible first MC too. He told H that it was not necessary for me to know who the OP was, (along with a plethora of other crappy advice). I told him off, told him to forget sending me a bill because I would not pay for his crappy services, and slammed the door on my way out! (H was mortified, lol).

Never did get a bill either.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7056 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nothing like compounding the pain of betrayal with a worthless shitty therapist. I'm so sorry.

Ouch....I bet that hurt. Change counselors.

I had a similar experience except in my case the therapist told me

You are a man hating lesbian
.
This was after seeing FT for several private sessions. All I remember about that is the gut wrenching sick feeling of betrayal by a therapist.

It was several years later that I learned about men with personality disorders....


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2670 | Registered: Jan 2010
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a similar experience except in my case the therapist told me:
You are a man hating lesbian

OMG, O.M.G! Seriously??? I hope you reported him to whomever the powers that be are.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7056 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Topic Posts: 38
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