"The most expensive thing in th world is TRUST, it takes years to earn and just a matter of seconds to lose"
If I were you I'd drag that bloody bed outside and light it on fire.
This is HARD!! Are you in IC? I found it a great place to dump all my thoughts and my C helped me navigate through the tough stuff.
6mos into this, things are still raw and can be all consuming. I would flip between sobbing and being in a zombie like state. Please go easy on yourself. Can you get rid of the bed and buy a new one? If that is not feasible, maybe buy a mattress topper, new sheets, etc...? Something to make it less of a trigger. Sending you strength.
I broke down this week when I confirmed WH flew to OW town for the holiday. We just listed our house for sale and all the emotions caught me. Sad to leave our beautiful home, mad he has to put OW as first priority over house responsibilities, mad that I'm rejected and replaced, mad he can throw our life aside so easily, scared because I have no income except alimony and child support starting July 1 and afraid I have no place to live or a job in the future.
So many unknowns and I feel like all of this change was forced upon me. It comes down to feeling like I wasn't right, not enough, not worth fighting for, and that just hurts.
I need to find a better IC and continue to build my self esteem, strength, and independence. I know we all can do this, get through these low points and rise above. We are honest, loving people that are recovering from very traumatic life changing events. Keep looking to the future with hope. Me too.