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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What would you do?
Michonne
♀ New Member
Member # 43834
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So Wednesday I spoke to my partner and told him I needed space from him to re evaluate what I want. Do I want to spend the rest of my life with him or move on?

Its so difficult because I have spent years with him, we have 3 kids together and have built a life together. He has changed alot since the affair and 4 days later I so miss him being around. Does this officially mean I do deeply love him and want him in my life or am I going through a 'breakup phase'.

I walk around the house and think OMG now that hes not here I have to do all these things by myself. I havent spoken to my family about whats happened and Im not going to until its definite.

What would you do, what should I do?


Posts: 15 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Sydney
Girlietoo
♀ Member
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hell I wish I knew. I'm trying to decide if I keep putting effort in to R, damn it's hard work. As soon as I think of being without him, bam! I panic.

I'm actually going to go to a Co-dependency group this coming week. :/

I don't know what is right for you, but I wanted you to know that I read your post and I wish I had some way to help.


Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 247 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
KatyDo
♀ Member
Member # 41245
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in the same boat: should I stay or should I go. One piece of advice that has stayed with me is not to make major decisions when you're in a state of high emotion. Let things settle before making a life change. Experiment a little without knowing the answers, just feel what's there and act on it if you can without altering the course of anything too drastically.

That's what I found when I started missing my husband. I made plans to see him, felt what that was like, and will keep comparing it to the alone times - especially when I'm feeling good. The main thing is you are taking steps, and moving forward, even if it feels very unknown. Still you are moving into a new future for you, whatever that may be.


Married 7 years, together for 14
Me: BS Him: chronic boundary issues, EA for 2 years, DD Spring 2013

Posts: 194 | Registered: Nov 2013
neecee
♀ Member
Member # 43523
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know how you feel Michonne. I don't know how long ago your Dday was, but I kicked my WH out the night I found out. He was out of the house for 6 weeks. I think having him out of the house was the best way for me to realize how much I loved him, missed him, needed him and wanted him in my life.

I too have a long history with him. I missed having him in my life every day and his absence was difficult. I ultimately decided to allow him to come back and work on R. We have a whole life we've built together, 3 children, a home, and 28 years of memories. I decided to take this long difficult road for myself and my family. I really don't know what would be more difficult, divorcing and having to start a new life and watch him start a new life too and always denying my feelings for my true love. Or the staying together and working through all the pain that infidelity brings, always feeling an ache in my heart when I look at him and thing of him with another woman.

There is no easy choice.

This is our reality.

Look deep within your heart and decide whether you can live without him. I decided that it was worth the risk to try and save the M. I'm deeply in love with him and I cannot deny that. Its a battle between your brain and your heart. DAILY!!Having a completely remorseful H is just about the only thing that makes this difficult situation a little bit easier. If he is willing to put YOU first and focus on YOUR healing (and of course work on himself in the process)it makes your decision a little easier.

I also haven't told my immediate familY. I knew that if I told them, it would only be if I decided to D. I didn't want them to know in case I decided to R. The last thing you need when your facing the emotions of infidelity is a family member giving you their two cents on how you should leave him. When you just need to focus on what works best for YOU.

Hang in there :)


What doesn't kill me.....better run cause when I get back up I'm gonna kick some ass!!!
me 44
WH 46
married 19 years
together 28 years
3 children 16,14,7
OW-lucky to be alive!!!!
D-Day 5/8/2014

Posts: 151 | Registered: May 2014 | From: new york
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is no easy choice.
This is our reality.

I, too, am on the fence. Right now, I don't love my WH. Waiting to see if marriage counseling helps and he can pull his head out of his ass.

But I think if you missed your W partner while he was absent, and he is TRULY doing the work toward R, that is a very good sign!

Good luck!


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 503 | Registered: Nov 2013
Michonne
♀ New Member
Member # 43834
Default  Posted: 3:11 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The rediculous thing about my predicament is he cheated 5 years ago and Im still going through the R. Because I didnt deal with the emotions properly years ago Im still going through this crap now. Im ashamed to talk to anyone about it because Im embarassed, this should have been done and sorted by now.



Posts: 15 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Sydney
Topic Posts: 6

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