I recently found out that the ankle monitor for house arrest costs $420 a month! Add that to the $600 for child support and his intervention fees, he will never be able to pay it. He will not be able to get a decent job, he is a convicted felon and lost the one he had. He has nothing now. No home, no job, no vehicle, no family. But he has his drugs and his whore. I hope it has all been worth it to him. What a prize she is getting: a married, lying addict
Some of them never, ever get any better.
I know a guy whose 62 and he's still as big a loser as he was back when he was 20, 30, 40 years old - because he was a drunk back then and he's a drunk to this day. He lives in a dilapidated trailer in the woods, gets minimum wage paying jobs when he's able to (which is rarely), hasn't driven in 20 years due to multiple DUI's and having lost his license (and couldn't afford a car, anyway), he's STILL a dysfunctional drunk living on his own because his kids no longer speak to him and his wife left him years ago, and he's every psychiatrist's wet dream because he's such a complete f*ck up.
It wouldn't surprise me at ALL if your H ends up the same way, 30 years from now.
You're a smart lady for deciding you want better in life for you and your children. And you SHOULD want better.
I know several POs and NONE of them would tell their parolees to not address marital problems with the spouse.
He's lieing to you......again. But that's nothing new is it?
K94ever-I am well aware of that. Just another excuse to not discuss our problems. But that is okay. I am done discussing things. I am done begging for my marriage. It isn't worth it. I deserve better than anything he has to offer. OUR son deserves better.
That doesn't make me miss the man I married any less, BUT this is NOT the same person. That person is dead. He will never be that man again. Even if we tried, I could never move past these last few months. He has absolutely crushed me.
Do yourself a favor. Compare your most recent post with any or all of your earlier posts. Think you're doing better? Stronger? More self esteem? More focused on you and your son?
Sure, it doesn't feel good, but you have now recognizd in print that your WH has gone around he bend and isn't coming back,as,you'd,like him to be.
And that is tremendous,progress for you.
You sound so much stronger. How amazing.
Not talking to him is helping, too. I still want to text him but I am not. It is hard. But it is my new reality. I just keep repeating all of the bad stuff to myself. I can't afford to support him! He will just bring me down and cause me to struggle for everything. I can not put my son through that. I have worked too hard to lose everything. I love him. I miss him. But I have to move on.
Get fallbacks in place, too. Call friends instead. Call your son. Take a shower. Clean the yard. Go take care of your horses. Anything else.
Seems to me that your H is lying constantly to you.
I would bet that he has a long criminal history.
Be careful. I've heard many times of felons cutting their ankle bracelets off.
If he gets to three felony convictions, then gets another felony, he will be a habitual felon. That carries with it a very long prison sentence.
Look out for yourself and son.
He actually doesn't have a long criminal history. Maybe he has just been lucky up until now. I just don't know anymore.
I haven't heard from him today. And I haven't contacted him. He was supposed to meet with a new po today. He may have received his ankle monitor, I don't know. I guess I shouldn't care.
Stand firm. Don't fall back into your comfortable codependent behavior. It hasn't worked to date and it is not the way to have a true, healthy relationship.
I'm sure you don't feel it right now but, you are moving in the right direction. Keep going. One foot in front of the other. Right, left....breathe.
[This message edited by outtanowhere at 9:21 PM, July 14th, 2014 (Monday)]
Stay strong. Keep reading on breaking the cycles of abuse, and becoming independent, not Codependent.
You got this girl, and we got your back.
I am still not really mad at him. I feel sorry for him. I shouldn't, I know he created this mess for himself but I do. And I am worried about where he is and what happened with the PO yesterday. But I have to try to push that out of my head. It isn't my problem now.
I shouldn't have texted at all. I should have just ignored it. Shit. But I agree, things need to be figured out. But I don't think I am the one who needs to do that. If he is doing his house arrest with his whore, it seems like it is already figured out. If not and he really is going to try to get clean and figure things out, is it stupid of me to have that little glimmer of hope?
I guess he just needed to know that I was still waiting.
I shouldn't have texted at all I should have just ignored it. Shit.
Yes, you should have. But that's ok. You're getting there and doing so much better.
But I agree, things need to be figured out. But I don't think I am the one who needs to do that. If he is doing his house arrest with his whore, it seems like it is already figured out. If not and he really is going to try to get clean and figure things out, is it stupid of me to have that little glimmer of hope?
Please remember, he is an addict and a cheater. First rule of both; They lie, they lie, they lie.
*edited because I HATE my auto correct*
[This message edited by sadtoo at 12:21 PM, July 15th (Tuesday)]
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE him.
OC born 2001
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)