Good for you. Small steps.
Way to go, BBM! You couldn't have ignored him for six HOURS a couple of weeks ago. Keep taking care of yourself!
He needs to miss me....maybe he isn't, I don't know. But I would like to think he is....
He texted last night around 10:30. He just said that his phone is going to be off for the next few days until he can get the money to pay for it.
GREAT job not taking that bait.
[This message edited by sadtoo at 2:50 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE him.
OC born 2001
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)
That is what I thought, Hopetosurvive. He was just checking to see if I was still sitting there waiting. I just figured he was using that as an excuse to text something, anything. Just to reel me in....
I used to think that too, Cosmicjoke. But I don't know now. I think he likes where he is. Money or no money. I think he enjoys the freedom of no responsibilities, no household bills or chores, and no tired wife. There is no doubt in my mind that he WILL hit rock bottom, even though I really thought going to prison WAS rock bottom. I think he has farther to go. I do know that IF he does want to come home, it will be because he HAS to. Not because he WANTS to. I mean that as he has no where else to go. I would think that parents would get tired of having their 33y/o daughters, married 35y/o boyfriend living with them. Especially since I know he isn't contributing financially!
I feel strong when I am not talking to him. I don't know if I could keep that up if he did start the "I miss my family. Poor, poor me" routine. I hope that I can.
Yours is one of the sadder stories as many here saw the futility of attempting to reconcile with him. He'd have to be struck by lightning or something to have a sufficient turnabout to be a worthy husband and father.
Sorry for my 2x4's to you (i.e. telling you that you would become your MIL unless you detached from WH) but sometimes the reality is harsh. Those who knocked you are informal members of Team Reality who do mean well if sometimes too blunt.
Keep up the good work!
It is a very sad story. If it were just me, it wouldn't hurt so much. But I have to think of my innocent little boy. He definitely does NOT deserve this. I just can't believe that it got to this point.
I knew that the drug relapse could happen at anytime. But the longer it went, the better the chances were that it wouldn't. At least, that is what I continued to tell myself. Boy was I ever wrong!?!
Please don't be his support system. He can't or won't hold a job, and his "need" for you is simple: money.
Haven't you been more peaceful these past 6 or 7 days? Do you really want to return to those thrilling days of yesterdays where you held your phone waiting for him to contact you? Remember when he simply disappeared for 16 days? That is no way to live.
Right now and into the future, he isn't fit to be a daddy or a good husband. Until he gets help and plenty of it for his addictions, you don't need this man around your son. He is not safe. Hear me....he is NOT SAFE! Drugs mess you up, and he has definitely been messed up for some time.
You hang on, stay strong. I hear in your posts the yearning you have for your son. However if he were to come back in this physical shape it wouldn't be pretty. You have to protect you son, first and foremost. So stay the course, get strong, don't take any of his excuses for reality. Reality is, he is going to jail, he choose to go to OW, and for the drugs with her. He doesn't check on how you and son are. He just wants no responsibility.
You are getting stronger each day. We are all proud of you. We know it is hard to back away and let them flounder. But you can't fix him. No way, no how.
[This message edited by momentintime at 2:32 AM, July 24th (Thursday)]
"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl
Until you accept this as your reality, you will still have hope if and when he sends you any communication.
Please stay strong for you and your son. Detach. Detach. Detach.
I'm just getting up to speed on your situation so forgive me if this has already been asked, but, is there a reason why you haven't blocked his number yet?
Just seeing call come in causes you pain. That says a lot. Do you need to even know he's calling? You're not going answer anyway. His OW can deal with his problems, they're hers to deal with now. Make things easier on yourself.
[This message edited by Twitchy at 7:34 AM, July 24th (Thursday)]
Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot
I do believe he is testing me, too. Just needs to stay on my radar so I don't forget him. Oh how I wish I could....I do think it will be awhile before he actually starts ramping up his strategy. Right now, he is happy with his whore. Well, as happy as he can be. When the fun and new wears off, then he will start texting/calling more often. Maybe. I really don't know anymore. I am so confused right now that I am not even sure of the things that I was once so sure of. Does that make sense? This has just been such a disaster.
I am having a hard time realizing that the end of my marriage has nothing to do with me. I realize that he is broken and sick and that he has done this to us. But part of me still feels guilty. Like I should have done more or tried harder.
He is very messed up. He is trying to self medicate to take care of his mental issues. I called the pharmacy and asked how many refills he had left, just out of curiosity. I had picked up his meds right before he left on May 14th and he had 1 refill left at that time. I was told he still has one left and that was the last time they had been picked up. So he is definitely NOT taking his meds. Instead, he is using the drugs and alcohol to self medicate. That was what he did years before and at that time he attempted suicide. That scares me.
On a positive note, my sweet boy will be home today! I am so ready to see him! This has been the longest that I have ever been away from him. I miss my rotten boy! But at the same time, I am worried about how to handle him wanting to talk to his Dad.