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Prison Time

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BaseballMom31 posted 7/24/2014 07:41 AM

Twitchy- I have a feature on my phone that says "Block Calls" and I tried to do that to his Dad when he was being hateful and awful to me. But he was still able to text. An actual phone call couldn't come through but texts could. That is usually all that my H does. He rarely calls.

I may be able to do something through the phone company but I haven't tried that.

lynnm1947 posted 7/24/2014 08:58 AM

The anger will come. Eventually. And that is when I will know that I AM DONE. I am over this treatment.

No, you will know you are done when you just don't give a shit about him any more. The anger, when it comes, will help you get there.

norabird posted 7/24/2014 10:36 AM

I'm glad you boy is coming back!

As for this...

But part of me still feels guilty. Like I should have done more or tried harder.

This is pretty classic codependent thinking. The 'coulda/shoulda/woulda' hits us all. But nothing you did or did not do caused his actions. You're just not that powerful! Do your best to realize that you do not have control over his decision nor the responsibility to save him or your M. The place where you can and should try harder is on learning to focus on you, learning to set boundaries for what you accept, learning to let go of the desire to control him. In other words, taking your life back.


You're doing great.

BaseballMom31 posted 7/25/2014 07:23 AM

I wish the not giving a shit about him would happen soon. I have had a really bad feeling in the past day or 2. I don't know why but I just want to check on him. It is weird, I hope it is nothing....

My sweet boy is home! Yay! I missed him. And he misses his Dad. He asked about him as soon as he got in the car. He looked so disappointed and said "oh I thought he would be home now." It broke my heart.

tushnurse posted 7/25/2014 07:57 AM

You have to he strong for that boy. You have to tell him dad is sick, and he was hurting himself and you and your son. That is why he can't come home. You love you son and yourself enough to not allow him to harm either of you ever again.

Quit worrying about him.

WeepingBuddhist posted 7/25/2014 07:59 AM

Be strong for your son. Help him learn that NOT having his dad there is a GOOD thing.

BaseballMom31 posted 7/25/2014 08:26 AM

That is what I have been telling him, Tushnurse. He understands that but I think he thought he would be better by now. He doesn't know the full extent, and he shouldn't. He is only 9. I tried to explain it the best that I could. I did tell him that he could text him whenever he wanted, but I didn't know if he would always respond. I don't ever want him to feel like I have kept him from contacting him.

I stayed strong for him, I hope. I don't cry near as much now and I have vowed not to let him see me cry anymore. I had 2 weeks to cry all I needed and it is time to shut the waterworks off. At least when he is can see it or will know that I have been crying. He deserves better than that. If his dad isn't willing to do better for him, I will.

tushnurse posted 7/25/2014 14:17 PM

I don't know if you feel any stronger but your posts are showing a big change in you.
You are strong smart and capable.

Every time you think you need to cry take action. Go for a walk, clean a cabinet, make a to do list and go through it when you feel down. It helps to give you something to focus on.

You are going to come out of this stronger a happier and healthier than you can comprehend. You will also be amazed at how far you come. Keep on working to make yourself strong and independent. When you accomplish that then the world is at your fingertips.

(((( And strength))))

lynnm1947 posted 7/25/2014 14:36 PM

You are sounding so much stronger. Hugs and prayers.

outtanowhere posted 7/25/2014 14:53 PM

Have you gone back and re-read this thread from the very beginning? You have come such a long way and should be very proud of yourself! I'm glad to see that you are anticipating the love bombs are are sure to start falling when he begins to realize you are breaking out of your trance. Start making a plan now while you are in a good frame of mind.

Make up your mind now that if and when he is allowed to come back to your home it will be under your conditions. Even if he has "nowhere else to go". Too bad, so sad. No sad sob stories where you need to swoop in and save the day. I believe that it takes long time to see proof that someone has changed so set some realistic goals for yourself. Decide now what your terms and conditions are and stick to them. Don't be swayed because he WILL attempt to manipulate you into changing your mind. It's what addicts do best!

He needs to understand that he has a responsibility to man up and be a good role model for his son. So far, all he has modeled to him is irresponsibility, adultery and drug use. I know that you don't want those things for him so this is where you need to be unmovable. You get to call the shots now so set the bar high!

Keep up the good work! Tell yourself over and over, "I'm a good woman and I deserve better" because it's very true!

BaseballMom31 posted 7/26/2014 17:04 PM

I came to post how I was really having a hard day and that the weekends really get me down....I really want to text him. But instead, I read the posts of encouragement. Thank you for that.

It is hard...and he did text our son last night to tell him good night. That is one of the very rare and few times that he has texted him first.

I still have a really bad feeling that I can't shake and I shared that with my best friend. Instead of being helpful or encouraging she started telling how stupid I was for that and that he chose his whore over me and stuff like that. It really bothered me. I KNOW all of that, I KNOW he left ME. But that doesn't mean that I instantly stop caring about him. I will always love him. Regardless of what he has done, I don't want anything bad happening to him. And I really have a bad feeling about him and his situation right now.

However, I have NOT texted to check on him. Even though I want to badly just say "Hey, I have been worrying about you. Are you okay?" I won't...thank you again for all of the support and encouragement that I don't get from family and friends. You will never know how much it means to me.

NeverAgain2013 posted 7/27/2014 07:18 AM

Guess his whore won't pay for it? His wife would have...oh well.

Here's a novel idea.

How about the loser pay for it HIMSELF????

Why would you be proud of the fact that you had to carry his ass financially and would have paid for his phone for him? He obviously can't even afford a phone so he can do without. Too bad, so sad.

Yes, he SHOULD be paying for his own things...however, I don't see how he can do that. I honestly doubt he is "working" like he says he is.

That's because he's too busy PLAYING with the 4 wheeler and teaching his whore how to drive it instead of being PRODUCTIVE and earning a living, and NOT ignoring his own son whose been crying for his father.

This guy is such a friggen mess. I really hope the day comes soon when you can truly see that.

[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 7:24 AM, July 27th (Sunday)]

BaseballMom31 posted 7/27/2014 10:42 AM

I messed up last night and sent him a text that was meant for my friend. I said "He just went to my aunts so I will be over in a bit." All I was doing was going over to help her color her hair but it was about 10. He sent back "Oh thats cool...hope he treats you good." After I told him sorry, I didn't mean to send that to him. He had texted good night to our son at the same time she did and I replied to the wrong text.

His response bothered me. I know it shouldn't because it is obvious that he hasn't cared about me for awhile. But to be si nonchalant when he THOUGHT I was going to see a man? That bothered me. I took my vows seriously, even if he didn't. How could he think I would be so ready and willing to be with someone else, so soon? I haven't even been able to take my rings off! I just don't understand how it has been so damn easy for him.

cosmicjoke posted 7/27/2014 16:20 PM

I think you say 'I'm sorry' way too much. Sorry for what? what did you do? He's the one one who really needs to be sorry. By apologizing to him you're only giving him more power. If it was me, I would've been just as non-chalant as him but truthful, just say 'No need for false assumptions here.. that was about (your son), meant to send it to a friend.' And leave it at that. Or, just don't say anything & let him think what he wants... he's too screwed up to make any sense out of anything anyway. Cheaters will always act like you are just as promiscuous as they are, (and sometimes tell other people that without any evidence, which basically amounts to slander).. They just WISH you were, so they can justify what THEY are doing and make it seem OK. That is why whenever a spouse is falsely accusing you of infidelity when you have never acted in such a way and have no history of doing that-- it's a huge red flag that THEY are the ones, in fact, doing it.

outtanowhere posted 7/27/2014 20:36 PM

What cosmic said. I think he did that knowing it would get to you and, it did. You don't owe him anything! He didn't deserve an explanation and all it did was set you back into a tail spin.

He knows exactly how to push your buttons and he needs to be retrained. Resist reacting in the same predictable patterns. Stop trying to prove to him what a good person you are. He knows and he is using it against you. He is toying with your emotions! Are you angry yet?

Hopetosurvive98 posted 7/28/2014 08:26 AM

BBM read the two responses above me. You owe him nothing!!! Who cares what he thinks. Yes, he has many motivations to say what he does-one being he checked out long ago to be with his girlfriend. That was his plan when he disappeared on you awhile back-he had a plan. So yes it makes him feel better thinking you've moved on or it is a passive aggressive power play to make you feel guilty. Either way it doesn't matter. He left you and abandoned his child-a goodnight text amounts to zilch. He should be a man and support his child financially and in every other way but he will not-his choice. He abandoned a child in the past too. So you have a man here who seems to have never really had anyone's best interest in mind but his own. It is who he is, I think you've been seeing him for what he is and I think you are thinking clearer since contact has been restricted. Can you see how the contact sets you back? How it does nothing but hurt you??
I know you worry about him but its time to let him suffer the consequences of his decisions, time for him to not have anyone save his ass. Hopefully nothing bad happens beyond jail time for him but he has made a choice to be an addict and live that lifestyle, again his choice, his consequences. You cannot save him and should not. Focus your energy on yourself and on getting stronger and creating a stable life for your son. Whatever you do do not send him a text-it only reinforces to him that he is still in control, you're still pining away and he still has you as plan B. No contact as it will only hurt you more.
BBM you have come so far! Do not let him slow your progress. Focus on you and your child-keep moving forward. It is is what's best for you both. Post here often-we are all here to support you.

BaseballMom31 posted 7/28/2014 11:22 AM

OMG I am fucking fuming right now!! I received a letter saying that I am losing the food stamps that I just applied for due to a decrease in shelter expense. But it was from a different county than I live in. So I called to find out what is going on because I have not had any decreases. They had my address has where my husband is living with his whore! Not my home address. So i texted him to see if he had applied and put me on there. He said he did apply because even working 2 jobs, he is struggling. And I should have my boyfriend buy me some food. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! HE LEFT ME FOR A WHORE AND IS LIVING WITH HER!!! I know he said that because of the text I accidently sent him. And he is struggling?! I had to borrow money for the fucking tooth fairy last night! I didn't have 2 fucking dollars, but he is struggling?!

Of course, stupid me texted back saying that I don't have a boyfriend, I took my vows seriously and haven't even taken my rings off. Stupid. Just give him more power. But then I did send him a text saying maybe his whore girlfriend should buy him some food. Or maybe her parents since they live with them. And that I am not only struggling but going to get sued over his fucking truck. But none of that matters to him, it is all about what he wants and needs!!

Last night was bad and I spent a lot of it crying because of everything. My son texted him and his responses hurt me. Just him saying how much he misses him, stuff like that. My son asked if he was coming home ever and he said he didn't know because we had issues to work out. No, HE has issues. Then this is what I have to deal with today. When does it stop?!

Sorry for the language....I am so mad and upset! I don't know if I should scream or cry!

brokenblackbird posted 7/28/2014 11:45 AM

OK, first off, he can't apply for food stamps and have you listed if you aren't living together. You can get this solved at your local office. That shouldn't be too difficult. With 2 jobs and being a single man, he won't qualify for much if anything. However, as a single mother you will.

Is he paying support? If he hasn't started yet, it might be a good idea to head on down to Support Enforcement and get a jump start on that.

BaseballMom31 posted 7/28/2014 13:07 PM

KARMA IS A BITCH!! I just got a phone call that my husbands whore was arrested this morning! She is being held on a $50,000 bond for distribution! Wonder how that will work with him living with her on house arrest?!?

That new life with the fresh start that he had planned with her isn't working out too well for him. It is about time that karma worked in MY favor instead of against me. Maybe it is wrong, but this news makes my day!

Freeme posted 7/28/2014 13:34 PM

I'm glad Karma is working against her.

Now don't be his plan B -- It would not be fair to your son to have him come back right now. He needs to be clean, he needs to show remorse via actions, you should not let him back in because he has run out of other options.

Work on getting your food stamps figured out, going to your meetings, spending quality time with your son. Work on 180 hard.

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