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Good for you BBM, you're mad-now use it. Priority one is protecting your son. Yep that means not visiting with his dad because dad is a meth addict and toxic. Get to that lawyer and get visitation (or lack thereof) figured out and set.
Good for you on the locks-how about the phone number? BBM do not text him anymore, it only hurts you. Let a lawyer deal with this. Do not even text about your son, it's likely he knew they were spewing bs on FB. Let him be and total NC! Do not respond and do not initiate contact. Stop giving a crew of addicts your power. Nobody cares what they say as everyone knows that they are addicts and criminals. Everyone will consider the source. I understand getting upset that these lowlifes talked about your child, I get it! They did it to hurt you and get you upset and get a reaction-stop falling for it. You are too good for it.
Now onward and upward. Get the assistance dealt with and get to that lawyer.
It's ok to vent too and I'm sorry this has been such a shitstorm-you will come out the other side with a better future. Hang in there.
Yes this is my house, it has been in my family for over 50years. And the locks have been changed, AGAIN. I am going to try to get ahold of someone at the DFS office again tomorrow morning. If I still can't, I will go to the office on Thursday. I have to get the food stamps straightened out. And if he gets in trouble, oh well. I plan on informing them that he says he is working but put on his application that he is not. Feeding my son is more important than him eating. If they are doing meth, they don't need food anyway.
The whole Facebook thing pisses me off because they brought my son into it. They can say what they want about me, but leave him out of it! He is an innocent little boy! They have no right to say anything at all about him! And they sure as hell have no right talking about the way I parent! I will do what is best for him and right now going to visit his Dad is NOT a good idea. Especially while he is living with someone who has already lost her own kids! Even if he wasn't, I need to KNOW he is clean before my child spends anytime with him. So yes, it pisses me off that they have the nerve to talk about me, but him?! I don't think so!!
I did not say anything to them. My cousin did, she handled it much better than I probably would have. I did text him, but only because he is his son, too. Surely he wouldn't want saying anything negative about him. But I don't know, I have been wrong about him before....
I hate him so much right now. I am so mad that he has done this to us! I am finally seeing the real him. I am finally comforyable enough to say that I am done. I am done with all this immature bullshit. He can have his dopehead whore and her friends. I don't want or need his shit anymore.
She texted me last night telling me not to text him, to leave him alone. I told her that I would text MY husband anytime that I wanted and if she continued to text me I would file harrassment charges, and we both know she doesn't need anymore charges. She says he is happy with her and won't be MY husband for long. I told her that was great, he could pay for the divorce and I would have never texted if he had not applied for food stamps!
All this does is escalate the situation. And frankly, it sounds like you are engaging the OW in some bizarre contest where your POS WS is the prize. Come on!!
Please STOP contacting him. There is NO REASON to contact him. Not even about the food stamps. You could have gotten this information from the authorities. You didn't need to contact him.
Are you going to the attorney just about the truck or are you filing for divorce? Please file for divorce.
Hang on to the anger. 8th will help you stay strong and get stronger. It will also help you get shit done.
You are smart, brave, and fierce. Let the momma bear out.
I just read everything that she had posted and then IMed to my cousin who is just as livid as me.
Stop - you are giving this too much power.
You will never stop what she says/writes about you, your life, your son, etc. Nor can you control who reads it and if they believe it or not.
Any attempt will just reward her by giving it attention (thus fueling it more).
You are only hurting yourself by even bothering to read it.
People who really know you...know the truth and they are what matters.
Sadly, it DOES feel like some sort of sick competition and I have lost. I do feel like she won, POS or not. I think that is just my wounded pride.
I am going to see what my options are about filing for divorce. I know in my state, both parents have to attend a parenting course before a divorce is granted. I really don't think he will do that. I was also told that I can make him pay for it. I do not have the money to file so I am hoping that is an option.
He texted last night and was pretty hateful because he checked the satellite bill and it is behind. What does he expect? He said he doesn't have the money to pay it and get this, I am messing up HIS credit! I told him I had already talked to them and it will be paid Thursday, but he needs to try to get it transferred to my name. He said he is going to need a 2nd box for when he gets his own place. Like he csn afford to do that....about his credit....his credit is so messed up from credit cards, student loans, and defaults that he can't get ANYTHING. Before losing his truck, my score was 760. So who is messing up whose credit? I can't believe he even had the nerve to say that to me!
I agree, I am giving them too much power. I am allowing them to continue to win....I don't know how to make those feelings stop. I really am done. I really want this nightmare to be over and for him to be out of my life. I can honestly say I hate him. I have never felt as much hatred and anger toward anyone as I do him and his whore! But at the same time, I DO love him and worry about him. How can I love and hate someone so much, at the same time?
BBM-you texted him again, stop it. STOP IT. I dont care if he texts you first-stop being available to him and stop the interaction now-today. He has a bill in his name and it is unpaid?? FUCK HIM. He is a grown ass adult and can take care of the bill- he can pay it or transfer it into his own damn name. Really stop cleaning up his messes. His bill, his problem.
Yes, file. The sooner you do the sooner this shitstorm is over. Im thinking maybe the parenting classes can be avoided due to the circumstances of the H being a methamphetamine addict and on house arrest (soon?) and living with another addict outside of his marriage. Maybe they will make an exception and decide you can file without that. Def talk to a lawyer about that asap.
BBM you lost nothing. You won your freedom and a chance at a better future for you and your son and she won a lifetime of further addiction, misery-endless misery. He is NO prize. You win.
[This message edited by Hopetosurvive98 at 3:32 PM, July 30th (Wednesday)]
Please read Hope's post again and again.
It is spot on.
You my dear have won. He has lost, and lost badly. He's just too f'd up to know it.
Now get your ass to a womens shelter and get some help with filing. If they can't help then google pro bono lawyers in your area (by zip code or county).
Day #2- Back on the No Contact wagon....I can do this, I did before. Still nothing new on the food stamp issue. I am going to try to talk to a caseworker in person tomorrow after I see the lawyer.
I realize that I am winning in this situation. My husband has nothing right now. He never will, he will never have a decent job or home. He is on a downward spiral. I can't and won't let him take us down with him. Knowing this, doesn't make me miss what I THOUGHT we had, or the husband I THOUGHT I had any less....but like I have said before, that man is dead. If he ever existed....I am realizing now that THIS is the REAL him. He put on one helluva act for all of these years and he just couldn't do that any longer. A leopard doesn't change their spots, they just camoflauge them.
He has what he wants and deserves. They deserve each other. My son and I deserve better. I get that.
Oh BBM I am so proud of you!!!!!
Seriously sister you are making strides to healing. Yah your broke, yah the next bit is going to be hard, but ultimately you are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Use that to give you strength, and it will get bigger and brighter.
You are going to be ok. You are going to be strong. You will never ever let another man abuse, hurt, or cause you pain ever again.
Good for you!!! Stay strong, you CAN do this. You know just who and what you're dealing with. Do not buy into the drama-hold strong and think only of a better, healthier, more positive future for yourself and your son. It will be hard to go through this process but on the other side lies peace and the possibilities are endless.
You are doing great, just keep it up and always remember no contact, crickets, silence. Do not interact or engage! Come here instead. Get to that lawyer !
I have come to realize that is going to be hard for a long time...but there nothing I can do to change that. I should have realized sooner what I was dealing with and maybe it wouldn't have ever gotten to this point...I don't know. So many woulda/shoulda/coulda's but I can't change them now.
You are so right, Tushnurse, I will never let ANYONE hurt me this way again. This has been the worst hurt and pain of my life. Who knew that you could actually feel your heart breaking?
As long as he isn't contacting me, I am strong. I seem to lose that when he does. But I am going to use your advice, Hope, and listen to the crickets. He needs to know that I am not at his beck and call anymore.
High five BBM!!! I hope you sit with this feeling for a while and let it sink in. You are going to have to be determined because it ain't over til it's over. That being said, I have a hunch that once he sees that you are coming out of the spell he had you under, he's gonna try to maneuver back into a position of power with you.
Plot your course and watch your compass. Don't let him deter you from what you know you need to do...whatever that is. Until he is clean and sober, he doesn't get a say anymore...even with your son. He gave up rights to have a say when he abandoned him.
Reading your posts yesterday, I was reminded of something my mom told me when I was little. When people talk smack about you, they are showing their ignorance. When you engage, it drops you down to their level. When you go dark, it will drive them crazy wondering what you are up to. That always makes the rebel in me laugh!
[This message edited by outtanowhere at 4:06 PM, July 31st (Thursday)]
I wish I had ignored her when she texted! And I wish I hadn't texted him about the Facebook posts. He was more concerned with me messing up his credit than what they were saying about his child. Big surprise there, right?!
The last thing that I ever want to do is sink down to their level of ignorance!
I have no doubts that he will try SOMETHING when he realizes he is losing power. Especially with the threat of jail time hanging over his whores head. He will need somewhere to go, someone to pick up the pieces. I am done being that person, his doormat. Let someone else do it...maybe he should try to take care of himself, for a change.
Don't pay the cable bill until the food situation is fixed.
BBM- I love your last post. You sound strong and focused. So proud of you! You see clearly how the communication with the whore and you WH hurt you, set you back, and confuses you. It does nothing positive for you. That's why I stated not to get down in the mud with pigs. Just like another wise poster said-engaging them only brings you way down to their level (subhuman). No more.
Oh yes BBM you know this man and be prepared because I'm sure he has more for you. He will rear his head again when he sees Plan B won't be intimidated or manipulated back into line as he believes. I think he believes he always has you as backup and has several tactics to attempt to achieve it. Prepare for declarations of love and change and such horseshit, prepare for glitter and unicorns. Also when it doesn't work prepare for more ugliness and attempts to blame you, demean you, etc. all pure bullshit coming from a drug addict desperate to get his ass covered and get himself comfy again. It will come at some point. Right now he's got a roof over him someone else pays for, food to eat thanks to his fraudulent lie, a girlfriend who shares his interests ( drugs, mooching, child abandonment) a few recreational vehicles to enjoy that you bought, a truck to drive (I believe) that you also are paying for, oh and bills that he expects you to pay! Oh he's quite content. Wait til the meth princess gets put away. I doubt her parents will continue to house him (might be wrong as they are obviously a mess if they allow these two to shack up in their home). We all know the man isn't going to get a job and work and get an apartment and pay his own way. Nope. He's going to see if he can manipulate you into being his soft place to fall. Prepare. Yourself. Now. You won't do this to yourself and you child again. Break the cycle. Time for him to pull on his big boy pants and have an actions meet consequences experience.
Lawyer today? You have several priorities there to discuss. Divorce-get this process started. Make sure the lawyer knows the circumstances-all of them. I'm sure you can get a speedier D bc of them. Child custody/visitation. Again the circumstances because WH should have zero visitation until he is clean and living away from his whore, etc. Child support-he's working he is paying. The truck.
Then get down to the office and tell them what your WH did with the food stamps. Get that straightened out.
Proud of you BBM- your doing great and have come along way.
[This message edited by Hopetosurvive98 at 6:54 AM, August 1st (Friday)]
Hey BBM I hope you are having a wonderful day, and enjoying this awesome Midwest weather we are having.
Do something nice with your bad self today, Stand tall, believe you are strong, and be proud.
Good news and bad news, I guess. I went to the lawyer today and had to pay $250. They will not file until all $800 is paid. So that is disappointing but I can make payments. My dad paid today. We do have to do the parenting classes before a divorce will be finalized. He will drag his feet because that is something we have to pay for also. I don't know how it would work with house arrest either. All together, if he wants to fight me, this could be very expensive. I really think he will fight and argue about everything, especially custody. As of right now though, he has no rights to our son. That is why I had to pay $250, I basically just stated that he was in my custody and he has not seen him in over 2 months. This way he isn't able to pick him up from school or anywhere else for that matter. So that gives me a little peace....
Bad news...they can try to make him pay part on the truck that was repoessed because of him but because the loan was in my name alone, I will be the one getting sued. So I am basically out of luck there....
I am enjoying the weather now...I am waiting in line for a monster truck show with my son. Something his dad should be doing with us. Times like now, I really miss my family.
I would be worried if you didn't miss that feeling. I hope you two enjoy the show and just have fun! You both deserve a break from the pain!
He called tonight while we were watching the monster trucks. I didn't answer!!! I wanted to, but I had 2 friends that wouldn't let me. Declining that call actually felt good!
The message he left was about 5 minutes of silence...so he probably accidently, on purpose dialed me. He has done that before.
I had a good time with my son, without him. I actually rode some rides. I laughed. Really laughed! I don't know when I did that last!
So proud of you for ignoring the call. You do realize that if you had answered it - he would have said something stupid, you would have felt hurt, and the rest of the Monster Track Rally would have been spent being frustrated --- instead you had a wonderful time.