Keep on kkeeping on.
Friday came and went without him texting to see our son, like he promised him. He was supposed to have "free time" on his bracelet on Wednsday and Friday and told him he was going to see him. Of course, I knew better. And that was when I decided to not let my son text anymore. I am not going to pick up the pieces after he outright lies to him anymore. I do not have to let him see him, after talking to the lawyer, I know that now. I was unsure before.
I couldn't talk to anyone about the food stamp issue, caseworkers are not available on Friday. So I will be trying again on Monday. That is a huge stressor, right now.
That and school clothes. Ugh. My son has a birthday coming up, too. I am really worried about it. It will be his 10th and his first without his Dad.
I hope others following in your footsteps can keep,up with your progress.
And I think I noted you posting to some other bread where another needed help. I hop she finds this thread and sees that despite despair and longing, you can detach and improve your life. How much better are you sleeping now? Interacting with others?
I honestly never thought I would ever feel better about my situation. But I see now, that I will be better off eventually. I had ignored so many warning signs because I wanted my family.
I feel the difference in myself and I see the difference in my son. He missses his Dad but I really think he feels some relief to. Hopefully one day, he can be the father my son deserves. But if not, he still has my Dad and Step Dad. They have never let him, or me, down. And they will never walk away, no matter how hard things get.
As for school supplies and his birthday, my parents will come through...like they always do. We are going to get stuff this week. I have a great support group, even when I don't agree with them. I know that it could always be worse...of course, 2 months ago, I didn't believe that. I thought it was the end of the world. I hope others realize that it WILL get better, that isn't just something people say.
I told him that right now, it just isn't safe for him to live with us. And I love him more than I could ever love his dad, and I was choosing to keep him safe. I don't know if I did the right thing or not. I hate this for him!!
You told him the truth. If your STBX were to come home, he could very well still be using and bring drugs into your home...which puts your child at risk of being removed.
Stay strong, mama. You've got this.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
I am very sorry that your son is hurting. I am a mom to 3 small children and after my DDay it was so hard explaining to my oldest why daddy was not home. I truly know how hard that is to explain to them even though our situations are different.
You did not lie to him at all. Sadly, he has to be told in the gentlest way possible that his dad simply cannot come home. He doesnt need all the gory details but he does need to know that his dad is not coming home. Minimize confusion for him. BBM would it be possible to tell the school and have one of the school counselors talk to him once or twice a week? I was thinking of when I was in school my girlfriend went through a very tragic family event and the counselors talked to her a few times per week and that gave her some guidance and an outlet. I wonder if this would be a good idea? Just keep talking with him and allowing him to be open about how he is feeling. Teaching him it is ok to be sad and cry and talk about these feelings. It will be bumpy for awhile for him but having a solid, healthy parent who is there to guide and protect him will keep him safe. His father and his horrific choices are an absolute danger. As the above poster said-you've got this BBM. You are an awesome mom and a strong woman. You are doing great and I am sorry that your sweet son is hurting.
Oh, I forgot to ask, have you had any luck with the food stamp situation? I don't know what the process is like where you are but here, there's a waiting period after you apply. However, once I told them my situation (H left and I'm a SAHM) they had me apply for Emergency food stamps, which I had in 2 or 3 days. They did Medicaid application as well, and they were able to do the child support order too. Also, there could be some help through your son's school once it starts up. My daughter's school does a program thru one of the churches and we would get a bag of food once a week. Good luck!
[This message edited by GonnaGetThru at 2:35 PM, August 4th (Monday)]
"Every decision you make indicates what you believe you are worth."
When can you expect to get food stamps?
http://www.211.org/ - United way searchable database for resources by zip code
http://www.pantrynet.org - national food bank directory by zip code
edited for typos (I always have to!)
School will be starting soon and I have already thought about talking to the counselor and setting up something for him. I think he needs to talk to someone other than me about his feelings. It is very confusing for him. Hell, it is confusing for me!
His whore made the newspaper again today. All of her charges were listed, she went to court on Thursday and was arraigned. Whatever that means...it says she goes back on August 21st. That is also our sons birthday so I bet he is more worried about her than him. Just a guess...
BBM- you are being so strong and so brave. I'm amazed at how far you've come. You are SO doing the right things, even though it is likely very hard for you to do at times. Keep taking care of your precious son, keep reassuring him that he is loved. You're doing great!
(((BBM and DS)))
Anyway, it just proves to me, once again, that he only cares about himself. His son texting him after a week of not hearing from him doesn't even matter. I hate him.
Prepare for when he has to move because that might be when starts bargaining with you. You've come way too far to fall back now. He is going to meet some consequences soon as it sounds like his little love nest is being taken away, the girlfriend might do jail time, and is apparently also going to not only have no TV but nobody to cushion his fall.
Keep up the hardwork-you are doing awesome. Be kind to yourself as another poster said, be sure to take some time to yourself. You've come so far!
Is it possible for your son and his dad to email? That way your son will not read anything inappropriate. Also your number will not be texting your H's cell. It will help with the NC.
Try turning your thoughts whenever they go to your H. Do something else - anything else. Just getting some distance will give you so much clarity, I promise. Clarity. that is what you need more of. WH is not an addition to your life, he is a negative force pulling you under. His OW is as low as they come. Try your best to stop giving them head space.
I do think that telling your son that his safety is the reason his dad isn't coming home could backfire. Why? Because he will feel guilty and responsible if his dad is unemployed, sad, lonely, cold, hungry, etc. You get what I'm saying. I would also hate for your son to worry about being taken away from you. You might try just saying that his dad is sick from his drug and alcohol addiction and he isn't fit to be a daddy or a husband right now. You don't know if he ever will be but you hope he gets himself some help. I am sure this is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do in your life. It sucks but you are gonna rock it!
I remember a group called AlaTeen when I was younger. I don't know if there is anything like it now but it was where young people gathered to talk about their parents who were alcoholics and where you didn't feel so alone. I'm sure the internet can give you lots of avenues and ideas. Maybe there is even a site geared toward young people with drug addicted parents, IDK.
Hugs. You are doing great.
We went to check the mail today and he was at his dads garage. My son said "I guess he has free time on his arrest. I wish we could stop." I hate that he knows what "free time" is.
I am worried constantly that I am saying the wrong thing to my son. Or doing the wrong thing for him. I don't want his childhood ruined.
I honestly think my H was testing the waters yesterday with his text about moving. I don't know, I could be wrong but I know that there is no way in hell he will be able to afford his own place. He is working at a local KFC, but very little.