I am going to go to the Al-anon meeting in my area on Thursdsy. I am just really embarrassed about it because of my job and the fact that we live in such a small community. I just hate everyone knowing how bad things have gotten. I teach in a very prominent school in my area with a lot of people that I would prefer not to know that I have an convicted felon/addict for a husband. 1st time I have ever been embarrassed to say who/what my husband is....I have always been so proud of him.
I also qualify for S-Anon meetings, and I didn't put all of the prostitute and other cheating crap out on the table at Al-Anon until it was all about to come out in court! My group was very supportive of me. Don't forget that people in Al-Anon have their own sad stories. That's kinda' the point - we learn at our meetings how to deal with really crappy shit. I can remember so many times trying out a new meeting, sitting next to someone who seemed so calm, thinking 'This person seems to be doing well', and then hearing their story and realizing it was so much worse than mine.
Hang in there!!
Not to jack the thread, but I have personal knowledge of a case where an inmate had a well known and deadly allergy to dairy. A guard forced him to eat oatmeal that had been cooked with dairy and then refused to get him medical help when he began having a reaction. That young man died in the jail that day. All of this was captured on videotape and made the Huffington Post. That young man was 22 and had been in jail for less than 24 hours on a misdemeanor marijuana charge. Yes, he was a troubled kid but he was a GOOD kid with miles of potential. He was fighting his demons and had voluntarily turned himself in to face the charges. He shouldn't have had to die for that.
Inmates are refused medical care far more often than is acceptable, not by the medical professionals, but by the guards.
He is constantly on my mind. He is the last thing I think about before I finally fall asleep and before I even open my eyes, I am thinking about him. I keep going over EVERYTHING in my mind. How do I stop that? The images and the thoughts are killing me!
As bad as I wanted to respond to his wrong text, I didn't. I am really going to try hard with the NC. There is no reason to even talk to him about finances, he hasn't helped me in almost 2 months now. No reason to talk about our son, he hasn't been concerned about him either except for the 2 weeks he was in prison.
I just don't understand how you can just abandon your family like he has. I guess I never will. I have to keep telling myself how damaging he is to us. And I need to keep telling myself all the bad things.
I recently found out that the ankle monitor for house arrest costs $420 a month! Add that to the $600 for child support and his intervention fees, he will never be able to pay it. He will not be able to get a decent job, he is a convicted felon and lost the one he had. He has nothing now. No home, no job, no vehicle, no family. But he has his drugs and his whore. I hope it has all been worth it to him. What a prize she is getting: a married, lying addict.
Block his number if you can. Every time you get the urge to contact, post here.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE him.
OC born 2001
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)
I had seen the pics on Facebook and that was hard. But to actually see her there, knowing he was there too absolutely crushed me. It was a horrible feeling, like I was hit in the stomach with a hammer. Repeatedly.
Tomorrow will be 2 months since he left to go visit his Mom and didn't come home. The beginning of my nightmare. Yesterday, I found the last letter he had written my son wadded up and thrown behind a shelf. I asked my son about it and he said he didn't want it because his Dad had lied and he is mad at him. That kills me. He has always thought his Dad hung the moon and stars. But he hasn't even seen him since the week he was home. He hasn't even tried. Hell, since he has been out, he hasn't even asked how he is!! It is one thing to walk away from me, but his son? How could he do that?!? It breaks my heart to know my son is hurting.
Seeing her there just tells me, there is no hope. He has made his choice and it is not his family. I guess I have known that all a long. I needed to see it. But it doesn't make it any easier. He hasn't texted me since his wrong text, guess we don't even cross his mind. Guess that should make it easier for me, I did ask him to stop.
I asked my son about it and he said he didn't want it because his Dad had lied and he is mad at him. That kills me. He has always thought his Dad hung the moon and stars.
It is healthy and NORMAL to be upset and even mad at someone you love when they lie to you. I also think it's more you who thinks your WH hung the moon and stars.
Why are you going to your FIL's garage? Stay away.
My husband did finally text me today and ask what he was doing and if he could get him when he got off work at 4. I guess he forgot he is gone with his Papa on vacation. I didn't even respond. For one thing, I know he isn't working. He didn't get a job sitting at the garage with his whore on a Saturday. So just another lie.
Also, I didn't go there. It is on the main street to where I need to go to check my mail. Anytime and every time, I go to the post office, I will have to pass by there. No other option.
Thank you, Redsox. I am sorry that there even has to be a website like this one. So many people hurting over bullshit. Doesn't anyone really believe in marriage anymore. It is heartbreaking to see so many members.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
I guess because I didn't respond to him, he got pissed. I went to my Moms and I don't have cell service there. When I finally got service, I had 6 texts from him. He wants his stuff that is here and if I was going to be a bitch, then he would call the cops. I texted him back and told him that I just got his message and I had no plans of keeping his things. Guess I messed up my NC. I didn't even make it 2 days.
And of course, I have been crying AGAIN. Why does he have this much control over me? I hate it. As soon as I saw I had texts from him, I got butterflies and then that awful feeling in my stomach. I should be mad at him for EVERYTHING that he has done to our family. But instead of hate or anger, I just feel sorry for him.
2 months tomorrow and the pain is still as fresh and raw as if it had happened yesterday.
[This message edited by BaseballMom31 at 7:26 AM, July 14th (Monday)]
[This message edited by BaseballMom31 at 7:25 AM, July 14th (Monday)]
[This message edited by BaseballMom31 at 7:45 PM, July 13th (Sunday)]
Well 2 months today. It still hurts as if it happened yesterday. When does it get easier to deal with?
You need to get to a lawyer sooner than later, and I know finances are an issue, this is where going to a women's shelter, united way, or any other resource agency is essential to you. Doing these things to protect yourself will help you gain strength.
And for Gods sake get your rear end to an Al-Anon meeting, everyday if you can. Again working with a women's shelter, or other agency they will be able to provide you with resources. Focus on YOU.
I guess I just feel like my healing should be farther along by now. Maybe because everyone in my family seems to think that I should just be "over it" by now. And that I am letting him continue to bring me down. I guess I am.