.."Sometimes we have to accept the apologizes we've never gotten...
I do know what you mean about the sickness part. I definitely try to remember that when I get overwhelmed with what happened.
I'd say I have done something like this, and worried that I was compartmentalizing or dissassociating or something. But I do kind of put his AP in the box of "other sexual partners." Instead of it being labeled "Ginormous Betrayal", it is now labeled "Shit That Happened That Doesn't Involve Me."
This. It sounds like this is where you are. And where I hope to be someday. It sounds healthy to me Sissoon.
But I might be crazy too!
[This message edited by 918Mama at 12:46 AM, July 8th (Tuesday)]
Don't get me wrong - logically/intellectually, I know her A was a terrible betrayal; it just doesn't feel that way any more.
I'm very surprised.
I'm very surprised.
You are a kind and forgiving person, sisoon. There is a great deal of love that oozes from you and PS. You aren't crazy at all.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
I've thought of this type of thing as 'reframing', but it certainly could be classed as 'rewriting M history'. I think reframing is one of the best healing tools available; in fact, I don't see how one can heal without it.
At the same time, it's got some risks - it's easy to lose touch with reality, which is why I wanted feedback from the experts.
I don't think I'm in a 'BS fog', though. I know what my W did, and I know I hurt a whole lot for a long time.
I think gonnabe put the name on it that I need: living in the 'now'. My W has acted remorsefully ever since d-day. We're both showing our love for each other, showing we're in love, and dealing with issues as they arise. W still carries around a lot of the fear and self-hate that enabled her A, but I'm willing to bet she won't betray herself or me again.
[This message edited by deena04 at 8:12 AM, July 8th (Tuesday)]
I love the shelf with the box that says "Shit that happened that doesn't concern me." I am going to go make some space for that box right now!