Topic: Too Much Stress
Member # 35417
| Posted: 5:16 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014|
For 7 years - since dday - I have been in such pain that it is hard to breathe. Sometimes I scream when I'm in my car alone. My marriage is over - has been for years - but noone has left.
There have been many instances of issues with our kids. Each of them have challenges from their birth mother's addictions during pregnancy. One went to a program for troubled teens for a year. I can't express how hard that was for me. Now my youngest is in a wilderness program for drug addiction and legal issues.
My mom is 90 and very ill. She has days where we don't expect her to live, then she bounces back and has a good few days.
At this point, my WH does not speak to me unless I speak to him. I don't believe he cares if I live or die. His example has been contagious and now my 2 sons at home don't speak to me either. They all act as if I don't exist. I came home a few minutes ago from being at my mother's house all weekend, and noone spoke as I came in the door.
I don't mean to be having a pity party, but this is just TOO MUCH. I am beginning to resent everyone at my home. I don't like them any more. I don't want to be here. I have nowhere to go. I am so lonely. Everyone I know associates me with my family. I want to move away. I am 60 years old. I have no job - no money.
I read all the brave and strong stories of leaving and I get so excited for those who are escaping the hell - but I don't see any way out.
It is literally killing me to be around people who don't care about me.
Thanks for listening.
"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt
I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy
Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 41920
| Posted: 7:32 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014|
That sounds so hard, I feel for you. Would it be possible to start planning your exit? Maybe it would take a while to execute the plan, but often having a definite plan makes things feel much better. You need a light at the end of the tunnel you're in.
Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
TT/Broke NC/False R
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961
Posts: 645 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
Member # 14660
| Posted: 8:01 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014|
You poor thing. To be treated like you aren't there. I can't imagine your pain and isolation.
Is there someway you could go live with your mother? This isn't healthy for you at all. And certainly not a good example for your sons.
And I know what you are saying about people associating you with your family. People do that to me and my children too. My husband is basically socially and politically impolite. It's embarrassing. My children have just decided to not have friends over and now that they are older, just don't come home much. It just breaks my heart. But I can't control him.
Know you have friends here and we care about you.
[This message edited by Mochagurl at 8:05 PM, July 6th (Sunday)]
Married: 35 years
DD 36, DD 26, DS 22, DD 19
You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
Posts: 200 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Ohio
Member # 38562
| Posted: 8:20 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014|
WhatsRight, I'm so very sorry for your pain. I can hear it in your words, it just leaps off the page.
Seven years is terribly long and that it is escalating to the point where you are living in solitary confinement under your in-house "arrest," well, it would make anyone unspeakably sad. Prisons are beginning to rethink solitary because new evidence is coming in all the time at how destructive it is.
Do you ever have dreams of doing something different, even some baby steps that might put you in the path of people who would be kind and supportive?
I understand feeling the Sword of Damocles with your mother (tho mine is not nearly so sick as yours and I'm so sorry for you both), but perhaps you could begin with tentative steps into your community where you could find something even as small as an hour's distraction that might lead to something more fulfilling later? Reading at Story Hour for the kids at the local library came to mind for some reason but that's just a wild guess.
Take good care. You've been heard.
It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal
Posts: 312 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 36969
| Posted: 8:28 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014|
I have no advice, just hugs and support. I'm so sorry you are hurting. I hope you find your strength to make the path that is right for you.
DDay: October 7, 2011
R finally started in earnest: April 2014
Posts: 194 | Registered: Sep 2012
♂ New Member
Member # 44007
| Posted: 12:10 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014|
No words of wisdom, but sending prayers your way.
I can relate to your loneliness and frustration. My WW has guilt but no remorse, I cannot trust any family members, and all my friends have dropped out of my life.
I believe; help my unbelief!
Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2014
Member # 34770
| Posted: 12:30 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014|
You don't have accept that kind of disrespect from anyone. Not your husband, nor your sons.
Years have been taken from you. Don't waste anymore.
my a had a great suggestion, that you plan your exit. I understand that you make not be ready financially or otherwise at the moment but the planning of it will give you some hope.
In the meantime, look after yourself in the same way that you have looked after your children. Motivate yourself to find a new interest that you enjoy. Meet some new people. Go to church. Go to the library, go to the park. Choose something that you've always wanted to do and make plans to do it. Start small.
You are being emotionally abused. You do not deserve that. No one does. Do not allow it. Free yourself.
We are here.
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!
Posts: 774 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 40937
| Posted: 12:45 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014|
I'm so sorry. Your post is like a punch in the gut. Stress levels are hi here too. My hair is falling out. What keeps me sane some days are my dogs. They are always happy to see me and I feel less stress when they are with me. I know it sounds stupid but it works for me, please find a healthy outlet to decrease your stress.
BS me 39
WH him 40
Dd 7/1/13. TT 7/22/13
SAHM with 4 wonderful kids
Posts: 190 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Kansas City
Member # 34827
| Posted: 2:38 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014|
Whatsright..I'm so sorry you have so much to deal with on top of feeling so alone. Being lonely in a houseful of people is so sad. I wish I hada solution. Hopefully someone will think of some way to help. Sending you lots of strength
((Whatsright)) remember we are all here for you, anytime
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Posts: 5072 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
|Topic Posts: 9|