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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: It seems my finger is always on the trigger
LittleMag79
♀ New Member
Member # 43999
Sad  Posted: 11:36 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No matter how positive I stay, something triggers me daily. It could be hearing ow's name (which is Lacey, so even the word "lace" bothers me,) the mention of Canada, which is where she is from. Jokes about infidelity on tv, overly sexual women, my list goes on and on. Am I going off the deep end?

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: New York
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your DDay seems very recent given your join date. Yes, it's normal to be triggering like crazy at first. It will get better with time but these do linger even as your healing continues...be gentle with yourself.

((((LittleMag))))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
seethelight
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. YOu are not going off the deep end.

You may have post infidelity stress trauma, or you may have outright Post traumatic stress disorder.

Here is an psych central article that might help you understand it.

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2012/09/understanding-relationship-sexual-and-intimate-betrayal-as-trauma-ptsd/

[This message edited by seethelight at 11:46 AM, July 7th (Monday)]


ďIf two people truly have feelings for one another then they donít have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1369 | Registered: May 2014
yme32313
♀ Member
Member # 42091
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It always is on your mind for a long time.... It's totally normal to feel that way. I can't stand horses, holiday inn express, and the name Bobbi!!! UGH!!

Many things trigger your mindset, tell your mind I know you're there but I'm safe now and move on with something else. Your brain is just wanting you to make sure you're safe. Just don't let it take over your whole life. Cry when you need to and stand strong when you're ready.


Me: 31
H: 55
Dated: Aug. 2003 M: Mar. 2013
Cheated: While dating

Posts: 181 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New Mexico
needfriendshere
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LittleMag79, you are not going off the deep end. What you are experiencing is pretty normal. And I've been told that, in time, those feelings will decrease - substantially.

Like you, I can not bear to hear or see anything that reminds me of my H's A - that includes a lot of songs I used to like, scenes in TV shows or movies, even certain phrases. But hey! It hasn't even been 5 months yet for me!

Hang in there! Betrayal cuts to the very core of who we are. But, thank God, we are resilient beings and we will get through this! I have to believe that "that which does not kill us makes us stronger".

(((LittleMag79)))


Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 423 | Registered: May 2014
ChangeMaker
♂ Member
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am having the same issues. Either you are not going off the deep end, or we're going together.

I'm Canadian. Please don't hold it against us!

I decided to rest my mind just the other day by firing up Netflix. What could be more mind numbing than an old episode of Cheers? Yeah, I clicked play and was faced with the episode where Lilith cheats on Fraser. Funny.

I don't know what to tell you to help, only that I am right there with you.

[This message edited by ChangeMaker at 12:08 PM, July 7th (Monday)]


"Everything works if you let it." - Travis W. Redfish

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug


Posts: 351 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
LittleMag79
♀ New Member
Member # 43999
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DDay was quite drawn out. The day I discovered it all was 4/21/2014. I guess it's still very raw for me, and I don't feel I can talk to him. I get really nasty, and we fight. Between the two of us we have 4 children. I'm not trying to fight with him around the kids. He is still in "the fog." He knows when I am having a moment, and tries to comfort me, but if I bring up my emotions, or the level to which I feel betrayed,a fight starts. I start IC on July 17. I went for an evaluation, and they do believe I may have PTSD. Not only from his affair, but other traumas I have experienced. It feels so unfair that this has opened up wounds from before this man entered my life. I wrote the ow the letter I will never send, and she gets to go on, happy with her life. He sleeps at night, and I don't. I flip between feeling fine, to depressed, to enraged, to complete and utter sadness. I am not happy with the way I have fallen apart. It's never been my style. I don't recognize myself anymore.

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: New York
LittleMag79
♀ New Member
Member # 43999
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ChangeMaker, I hold nothing against any Canadian, but her. I promise.

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: New York
Daddo
♂ Member
Member # 4504
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is so normal

This will, slowly pass though. It does get better - but it takes a long time.


It's just so sad
But I'm moving on feeling better

Posts: 2505 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Cupertino, CA
woundedwoman
♀ New Member
Member # 41639
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just read the article seethelight posted...wow. Very helpful.

I have triggers, too, movies, jokes about infidelity, even songs I used to like and now can't stand to listen to. Even comments about my weight loss - people telling me I look great and asked how I lost the weight triggers things.

I was thinking I had PSTD, too. "Glad" to read others feel that way, too.


Posts: 16 | Registered: Dec 2013
LittleMag79
♀ New Member
Member # 43999
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My bf has been extremely supportive today. He knows its a bad day, and he keeps asking the million dollar question...."What can I do to fix this?" I don't know how to answer this question. Obviously, he can't unring the bell. What do I say to that? I need him to do something, but I know it needs to be within reason. Any advice on how I can verbalize my trust issues, in a productive way?

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: New York
Topic Posts: 11

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