But what about when circumstances force contact? For example, if the wayward spouse works with the AP? What happens then?
Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.
My H worked with his MOW. Thankfully they were in different depts so there was no need to even be included on the same emails - I did make him "unsubscribe" to the joke email group that was through work as they were both on there and boundaries were crossed regularly prior, during, and after the A.
No contact to me means NO contact, of any sort, under any circumstances, for any reason. I know that some people have minimal ongoing contact due to work, or family situations, but I donít know how that works because I left the job where it was possible.
3 months after D-day my BH finally took me up on my offer to quit. I had spent about a month at home using up the sick leave I had accrued. I went back for about 2 weeks so I could turn in my notice on good terms, and pull my case-load together for the next person. I also delivered a no-contact letter while I was at the office to one of my APís by leaving it on his chair at the office.
My agreement with BH is that any sighting of any of them and I will be on the phone to him immediately. Any unavoidable contact will be conducted while he is on the phone, or personally present with me. I have blocked them on Facebook, changed my cell phone number, and do not search for them on the internet. The only times I really think about any of them is when Iím talking with my BH about the As, or when working on a homework assignment from my IC.
Leaving the job where there was a potential for contact, or a potential for need for contact was necessary. It may be the biggest high-cost gesture I've made thus far in our process.
[This message edited by Wayflost at 12:13 PM, July 7th (Monday)]
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
ďFollow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and donít take any shit.Ē
OW works at a location my FWH travels to very little or a lot, depending on business circumstances. A couple of months after D-Day #2 (trickle truth), she showed him some vacation photos. He told me about it but said it "would be rude" to have refused.
That was when I visited the lawyer for the second time. I announced it in MC. After talking it through in MC he realized he needed to "be rude" to OW if that was what it took.
Funny how he somehow rearranged his work life that he almost NEVER needs to talk to her now. A power he swore he did not have before that day in MC.
Bottom line, BUSINESS ONLY.
We are not in a situation where he works with the OW, but there are future circumstances looming in which we will be unable to avoid contact with her, and it gives me anxiety.
"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"
ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)
no stop sign = BS always welcome
No contact means no contact. If he needs to be in contact because of his job then he needs a new job. Or a new wife.
but there are future circumstances looming in which we will be unable to avoid contact with her, and it gives me anxiety.
How could this be possible? NC means no contact, right.
That being said, we had a NC breach last fall. An AP called my H's work and he answered without checking his caller ID. It was purely business talk but for us, no type of talk is acceptable. We had a lot of discussions after that breach that we should have had before. It's a process and a journey and we're always refining it.
Good luck and I hope you guys can find a way to maintain NC.
I know its difficult to get work etc. But in my experience, NC did not work when they still worked together.