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Newest Member: Sunnyhopeful82 (45341)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What to say or ask in Counseling
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am looking for support from others who have tried MC, what are some good questions to ask ourselves in counseling. I am looking for questions that I can ask myself and questions I can ask my WW.

Many kind regards, Steppingup.


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

“Whatever follows after DD is much more crucial than the infidelity action itself” Quote by SI Member Melian40

"I'm a good man, not an option" - Steppingup


Posts: 498 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
Tigaress
♀ Member
Member # 43954
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi there - have you already started counseling? I'm asking because normally the therapist should guide the process and help you identify questions so that you're not stuck with homework... also, if you were asked to prepare for a session, I believe just the task to 'find questions' is a bit too generic ..

Posts: 181 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: New York
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The most important questions at the outset, IMO, are those posed to the MC: what is your experience with infidelity? What is your approach to guiding a couple post-infidelity? Etc.

In terms of what to ask your WS--well, I'm a firm believer that any or all questions you have deserve a full, transparent response.

I would want, therefore, to be sure that I did not choose an MC whose approach to recovery from infidelity erected any barriers to this.

Unfortunately, there are rugsweepers among MCs, just as there are among the rest of us. My questions would be geared toward identifying these and weeding them out.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8844 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
WhereIsHome
♂ Member
Member # 43662
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our counselor was terrible my WW set it up should have know better. My goal was to try to get WW to commit to either divorce or reconciliation didn't work. I guess the big question is what in the waywards mind gave themselves permission to break vows and get into an affair.

I wouldn't even do MC if she is still with the dude. We did ours a week after dday and she was still completely in la la land.


I was betrayed - 39
Wayward Wife - 38
D-Day1 May 2011 bought her lies didn't get confirm on 1 till dday2.
D-Day2 Good Friday 2014...Good Friday have to laugh a little on that one.
Daughter #1 Stillborn
Daughter #2 Doing great

Posts: 92 | Registered: Jun 2014
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The most important questions at the outset, IMO, are those posed to the MC: what is your experience with infidelity? What is your approach to guiding a couple post-infidelity? Etc.

^^ I concur with solus sto.

Our MC was not familiar with the books "How to Help Your Spouse Heal" and "Not Just Friends". I used a lot of info and advice that I got from this site, both from The Healing Library and the members, to have "talking points" at our sessions.

I LIKED our MC - and we will probably return to him after WH gets to a certain stage in IC. I quit MC after DDay 2.

There are few counselors in our area. We have to drive an hour to see one. Our first MC was a waste of money!

Good luck to you!


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 495 | Registered: Nov 2013
saturnpatrick
♂ Member
Member # 35989
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A good MC will drive the conversation forward and do most of the question asking.

What you need to do is really be honest. If the MC is any good, some of the questions the MC will ask you will be uncomfortable. Resist the urge to gloss over or dodge any questions.


BH
I typo therefore I edit.

Posts: 196 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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