I went to my university reunion where I met my good friend of 28 years. He also returned with me. Just his being here helped me to be stronger. I know on this website saying we are 'just friends' can sound suspicious, but we really are just friends, and we both have firm boundaries,I am friends with his wife, and most of all, I have too much self-respect to ever be a shit the way my wbf was a shit to me. I may be a mess and a serious co-dependent, but I am not a cheater!
When I returned from my reunion and after my friend left, I told my wbf that my wbf had not responded to my saying he needed to leave if he did not do obvious work on himself. His response was to be quietly angry, say that no matter what he does I will never feel safe, and to say he will be sleeping in the next room.Also, where was his DVD?
Is this going to sleep in the next room a tactic to try to get me to back down?
He also demanded, quietly but angrily, how many days he has to leave. I did not know what to say. I was scared. I said if not making me feel safe and alcohol is more important to him, than go tomorrow.
He said he will, as I will not open the door tomorrow anyway.I said why should I open the door to someone who is not interested in making me feel safe?
But tomorrow, he may be very sweet and apologetic again.
Please, I need support again.
I sense freedom at the thought of his going, but I could change on a dime, get sad, desperate, and hurt. He knows very well how to hurt me, what to say. I never really realised before how good he is at it, I would simply get hurt.
This is a milestone event for you.
Now.....ask yourself why you would do this.
You are worth so much more than what he is giving you.
You can do this.
I do not know if you have set a day for him to leave yet, but no matter what you stated if he’s asking I would have told him “NO, RIGHT NOW!” very firmly. Keep pushing him out of that door, you deserve far far far better than this emotional infant has to offer.
If he comes to you tomorrow being sweet and apologetic recognize it for the act it is. This child has shown you his true colors, it also sounds like the apples did not fall far from the tree. Remove yourself from the drama, FTG. Fuck. That. Guy.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Now I think, if he goes to another woman, good. He will be her problem. Maybe she'll even cheat on him! THIS thought is HUGE for me. You do not know how it ripped me up inside, almost beserk with pain, his threatening to go to another woman, after seeing me so hurt and even near suicidal after the first affair.
I am beginning to realise I do not want to be with a shit, and if he will not change, it is his choice, I will be OK.
Though I sill cannot believe the level of cruelty he has been capable of. It staggers me, how he used the affair's pain to further control and hurt me.(the next day he would apologize and say he loved me, so I caved.) And how it worked! He did control and hurt me enough to do anything so as not to upset or anger him.
Sorry I seem to post twice the same message. I am very computer illiterate and do not know what I am doing wrong.
[This message edited by doggiediva at 7:31 PM, July 7th (Monday)]