It is almost 3 months since DDay for me (EA morphed into a PA). Backstory in "My Story", but the pertinent R path is this:
She agreed to NC with no pushback. I agreed to allow her to meet AP (alone) to call it off in person. I realize this was probably a huge mistake.
We both decided when I confronted her that we love each other and want to work on our M, to make it work. There was a lot of crying and apology on both sides.
At some point after DDay and the beginning of NC, I saw messages and call logs to and from OM on her phone. I also saw pictures which were exchanged, though she claims the ones I saw (timestamp matched) did not get sent (they were of her in the bathtub).
Mid-June, I discovered by checking call logs that she had once again spoken with OM on the phone. I confronted her about this, and she said she forgot to tell me as it was around the time we were a) celebrating our 9-year anniversary and b) discovered her mother was diagnosed with lung cancer.
Shortly after, she told me that he texted her and she deleted it. I verified this via the call records. Around this point, there was a Blocked Number which started calling her. I asked who it was (she was confused at first), and she said it was a co-worker who wanted to ask about her imminent quitting and starting a new job. It was a weak story, but I let it slide.
The Blocked Number records showed up a few more times in the call logs, and I confronted her about it again, saying I didn't buy it and thought it was the OM. She stuck with her story and turned it back on me a bit. I apologized for the snooping and mistrust.
We then went on a trip to Yellowstone (3 weeks ago), and it was great for us. I was out of town for a few days after that for a family wedding, but she went back home. She told me he texted her again but she again deleted it before reading. I verified this to be true (but I still had bad dreams that night involving the A).
Yesterday, she told me she bumped into a friend of his at the park (in the ~10 minutes while I was bringing the car from the parking space to load up our stuff). We were there for a friends and family picnic for her new job, and there were a ton of people there, so it was VERY lightly plausible. She said OM took a job and was moving (not sure where).
This piqued my suspicion, as it was only lightly plausible. I checked call records and see the blocked number yet again on the 5th. I go back into last month's statement and discover that all the old "Blocked NBR" records had been filled in when the statement posted - it was OM. She spoke to him again today while taking her sewing machine in for service.
Everything has been going so very well in our recovery. We are communicating much better, and we have gotten to the root of why the A occurred. I am very ashamed for my part in it, but we both understand that the A was NOT the right answer to my failings, and she is still very much at fault.
With the breach of NC and blatant lying (and gaslighting!) on top of it, I have no trust now. I don't even know if the appearances of the recovery of our M being back on track are anything more than just appearances. I feel as devastated as I did on DDay.
She is going out of town this weekend on a solo trip into the mountains (OM lives in the mountains, though not at her destination(s)). She had mentioned meeting up with OM on this trip in some of the journal entries I recovered as my hard evidence. I am doing all I can to hold back bringing this up to her right now to possibly prevent the return of the PA (if it hasn't already returned).
What should I do? Should I confront her with this now? Should I begin a 180 now, even though we have kinda started on the road to R? I know I have to be firm, however I proceed. The opening forming in my mind is, "You need to decide whether you really want to work on our M or not."