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Newest Member: hewaseverything (44947)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Dying Inside
Whisperia
♀ New Member
Member # 44012
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't quite believe I'm here... But I need somewhere to run.

I found out on Friday night that he slept with my best friend whilst I was 300 miles away caring for my Mum who had an operation.

We had been engaged for 4 years, together for 5 and have a 3yo DD.

She was someone who was a long term friend of ours who I was helping.

ONS drunken fumble.

How do I rebuild the trust? I love him and for reasons unknown I don't believe it was a malicious act... I don't even know if that makes sense.

I'm dying inside, everytime I close my eyes. I want to scream. Not easy when DD is around.

I keep flipping between total calm and steady, to furious to betrayed and the pain is unreal. My emotions are fluctuating so much I can barely stand. I can't eat. Sleep won't come.

I never thought this could happen.... I'm so lost


The heart of an angel, shattered and torn.
A mind once of love, now full of scorn

D-day 4/7/14


Posts: 3 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: United Kingdom
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Whisperia)))) we all know the pain you are in. We have all been there. Time is the only thing that will help. That an a remorseful WS. Eat, stay hydrated and breath. Welcome to the best club in the world that no ones ever wants to join. We are here for you. Vent away, we really can help.

Posts: 1178 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. That pain is truly awful. If you can't eat, please get some protein drinks/ensue, etc. stay hydrated. Take care of your son.

What has your wayward's response been? How did you find out?


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
ChangeMaker
♂ Member
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You should consider talking to someone you trust as well. Make it someone you can talk to A LOT. Don't tell too many people at once.

Force yourself to eat. Get help with taking care of the little one if you can.

Get some exercise, and see your doctor if you can't sleep - trust me, the exhaustion will only make it much worse. Don't use alcohol.

We're here for you, and we're listening. I'm pretty new here too, but the folks here have provided me some pretty solid guidance, even when I didn't want to accept it.


"Everything works if you let it." - Travis W. Redfish

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug


Posts: 317 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
Whisperia
♀ New Member
Member # 44012
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out 4 days ago. We were laughing and joking and I got a message from someone. Saying that he had done and said things.

I asked him outright and he told me.

Needless to explain I was fairly psychotic in response.

We met up the next morning. I asked all the questions I needed.

He is extremely remorseful... I honestly believe he is hurting by how he hurt me.

I am hopeful for moving on together, I just don't quite know where to begin.

He's already agreed NC with her. And to move to my hometown 300 miles away.

It's a start.


The heart of an angel, shattered and torn.
A mind once of love, now full of scorn

D-day 4/7/14


Posts: 3 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: United Kingdom
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to the club no one wanted to join.

Don't make the mistake of allowing him to blame his bad behavior on booze and being drunk. He needs to own the choice he made.

And it was a choice, Whisperia.

Good luck to you.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1753 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
gabear
♀ New Member
Member # 43995
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am only a few days into this myself and I understand. Sorry you are going through this.


Still in love just broken

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Georgia
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Whisperia))

There is a lot of solid info in The Healing Library. I wish I had read ALL of it after finding out about my WH's A...perhaps I would have been further along on this roller coaster ride.

If he is truly remorseful, you are on your way to R. You can consider counseling for one or both of you....maybe you won't need it, but I found it helpful to have someone to talk to.

Sending you strength....


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 436 | Registered: Nov 2013
Whisperia
♀ New Member
Member # 44012
Default  Posted: 3:05 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Off to the clinic today. Never felt more ashamed of myself.

Also... he has made an appointment for us to go to couples counselling.

Never felt so sick.


The heart of an angel, shattered and torn.
A mind once of love, now full of scorn

D-day 4/7/14


Posts: 3 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: United Kingdom
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Whisperia))

The first time I went to a counselor I cried.
The bullshit stigma of: "I should be strong enough to handle this on my own".

But - if it's a GOOD counselor, you will find out this is very helpful. Not all of them are good - you'll have to determine if he/she is a good "fit" for you.

Good luck in all things...


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 436 | Registered: Nov 2013
WeepingBuddhist
♀ Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Whisperia))) so sorry you are here but you will get a lot of support. Talk with the counselor but if I can suggest something, WAIT before you go to see an MC. Give yourself time to decide what you want to do.


Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 562 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
Topic Posts: 11

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