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Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: New details
Blanket
♀ Member
Member # 43881
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I now have a better overview of the A, I know more details and more information I thought I needed but I feel like it has taken me back to square one again. I feel sick all over again. I feel violated and sad all over again. I wish I hadn't asked. Did I really NEED to know.


D day 20th may 2014
Me -BS (33)
HIM- WS (35)
OW- 18 yr old COW
Together 7 years, married 1

I can't tell if it's killing me or making me stronger


Don't kick me when I'm down because when I get back up you are f****d!


Posts: 75 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Uk
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes you need to know, sometimes you don't. It really is unique to each person. If it was going to eat you alive until you knew, you needed to know. If you feel you could have went on without knowing, then that works, too. I had to know. I am just a detailed kind of person and wanted to make him tell me to let him see the pain and hear himself have to do that.


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 1075 | Registered: Dec 2013
Blanket
♀ Member
Member # 43881
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think it would have eaten me alive as such I was worried I was rug sweeping and now I feel like I'm reliving the A all over again. Maybe I shouldn't have asked.


D day 20th may 2014
Me -BS (33)
HIM- WS (35)
OW- 18 yr old COW
Together 7 years, married 1

I can't tell if it's killing me or making me stronger


Don't kick me when I'm down because when I get back up you are f****d!


Posts: 75 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Uk
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, you need the truth.

You need to know exactly what you are dealing with here. That way it can ALL be addressed, and eventually put to rest.

It will hurt like Hell for a few days...but once the initial sting wears off..you will be glad you know.

And, the fact that he is willing to be so honest...even if it hurts you...shows he is truly remorseful and willing to do whatever needs to be done to heal you, himself, and the marriage.

Also, the more details you get, the less secrets between him and OW.


Knowledge is power.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7696 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
misslocket
♀ New Member
Member # 43865
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm exactly the same, I needed to know because I didn't want him and her to share something I knew nothing about and he has been brutally honest and then it kills you, the answer kills you inside.
Totally totally feel you. xx


'All a girl really wants is for one guy to prove to her that they are not all the same.' Marilyn Monroe

Posts: 47 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IDK ... you may feel like you're back at square one, but I think you're past it.

If your H answered your questions honestly, you've accomplished quite a bit. First, you have a much better idea of the betrayal you have to deal with.

Second, and perhaps more important, your H is in the process of owning what he did. He can't heal, and you can't R, until and unless he accepts responsibility for betraying himself and you.

Third, by answering your questions, your H has started to rebuild trust. It may not be enough to notice yet, but it's happening.

It still hurts like hell, though....

(((Blanket)))


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10383 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 6

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