Edited to the short version: WH and I have been married 9 years. We have 2 sons ages 4yrs and the other just 3 months. Ive suspected things at different points in time over the years but never had proof despite some snooping. However, I haven't had any sinking suspicions lately and we have been happy and getting along well.
He went out of town last weekend and I found text messages on his iPad where he spent two late nights at her house. Even told her he decided to stay an extra day to see her again. He told me he stayed an extra day to watch a world cup game. I called her on the phone and she sounded genuinely surprised he had a wife and kids. She asked how long we had been married and apologized but that's all I could get. She changed her tone and said they were just friends, nothing physical. I texted her a family pic which she immediately forwarded to WH saying, "Your wife just called. I didn't know you had a wife and 2 kids...SMH." I then blocked her number on his phone.
Anyway, Im still getting trickle truth. Almost like he is acknowledging it without admitting it. I told him to do some soul searching and figure out if he can be a one woman man. He says he isn't sure but will try. He grew up in a culture where cheating and wives looking the other way is the norm. He has agreed to IC if we go to different counselors. Im hopeful that will lead to MC or at least some more honesty.
I don't know what I want to do. I can't be a wife who looks the other way. My anxiety would get the best of me. I feel humiliated as it is because his friends facilitated the meeting last weekend. He acts remorseful and has been loving and kind but Im afraid it's short-lived guilt and he will fall back into his ways and get better at hiding it from me.
I have done a lot of reading here. I have an appt. next wed. for std testing and birth control. I have only confided in one IRL friend who has been through this repeatedly and now here. I feel like I might explode.