Not that I'm happy now, or really in a better place mentally, but I suppose things are going about as well as could be in terms of moving toward R. But I just can't shake the constant feeling of paranoia. I constantly have in the back of my mind a feeling that things aren't what they seem. I'm not naive and know that if she was continuing her affair she could just set up a different email account, get a burner cell phone, and be more careful than she was when I caught her. I'm just sick of this constant feeling and wonder if it ever really goes away- even years down the road.
Good luck to you.
DDay 1 - 1/13, False Recovery Discovered more + Broken NC so DDay2= 7/14
9/9/14: filed for divorce
BW: 42 (me)
WH: 40 (him)
Me: BS 45 yrs old
Him: WS 45 yrs old
Married 21 years
3 children, 18,16,12
Length of affair: 4 months
After an affair, it is very hard to get that trust back.
If everything goes well, it will come back.
You can certainly forgive, but we never forget.
It does take time.
You most DEFINITELY not believe right away that things are so perfect. Her consistent behavior over time will help you believe things are really getting better.
Your wife changed your relationship FOREVER. You can R, but you will NOT forget. Yes she can easily set up another e mail account and you cannot stop that.
What you can do is make sure she understands and believes that there will be no marriage or R with three people in the marriage and that you will end it asap if she lies to you again.
Lastly, you need to make sure the Om spouse if there is one knows everything. She deserves that and if you have not done that you are mistaken. It is the best way to end this by possibly causing some havoc in his life so that he wants no part of her. If he is single, the go to the HR Department of the job and show them the evidence.
the more you do to be proactive instead of just sitting there hoping she is being truthful ,the sooner you will believe what is happening or know what is not.
The person you most trusted betrayed you. If you haven't yet, get checked for STIs, talk to an attorney about your legal position, and find a therapist who can help you through this. You've been hit by an emotional bus.
People,here say trust your gut. ,and they say it from hard experience.
I don't know if the A is over or not, of course, but you must maintain vigilance.
Frankly and bluntly: I looked at your older posts. All the vets here have told you to expose but you seem to have a great fear for that. Plus now you prefer allowing your wife to carry on in the job…
Heck – as her boss then HIS accountability and loss is immensely more than your wife’s. Legally he can be in a shitload of trouble with all sorts of financial obligations if the company were to act on you possibly exposing the marriage to his wife.
You will feel paranoid and unsafe as long as your wife and the boss need to interact. It’s that plain and simple.