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User Topic: What does divorce mean you to?
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Divorce is a legal separation of assets.

The emotional separation is much more difficult, and rarely coincides with the legal D. Friends and a good IC are invaluable.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
mom of 2
♀ Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a WS that I love very much, and I believe that she loves me, but is so self-destructive that I am left with the choice of dying a slow death....with her repeated betrayals....or to throw myself a lifeline(divorce), and pull myself out of the drowning waters.

This was me. I divorced a man I loved, and believe he loved me too. At least back then. Now? Not so much. Another story for another thread...

My XWH was never evil like the horror stories I have read here, but truth trickle from him killed our marriage.

I chose D bc limbo was fucking hell!

Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)

Posts: 13326 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Divorce meant that I finally learned to love myself more than I loved him.

Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect

Posts: 12164 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, it was about self respect.

My XWW betrayed me. She slept with another man, many times. She "fell in love" with this other man. She wasn't remorseful and wasn't sure if she wanted him or me. She disrespected the lives of our young children.

Divorce was a cleansing of the toxins she brought into my life.

Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 953 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been interesting to read the replies.

I'm still in the process, but the answer has already started to change and evolve over time.

In the beginning:

D was a non-entity - not even a consideration. It just couldn't happen

D became this symbol of huge personal failure

D became a symbol of my husband's unwillingness to love me, or fight for our relationship, or to uphold the promises we made to each other

D meant the end of my world as I knew it, my childrens' world as they knew it, and all for the selfishness of my husband

D was the epitome of everything i never wanted in my life - for myself or for my children. I lived through it as a child, and it was the beginnig of all the fucked-upness of my life in terms of depression, eating disorders, abandonment issues, etc, etc

NOW, however,
D has started taking on a new means freedom.

Freedom from a spouse who isn't able to love me unconditionally. Who actually puts conditions on his love. Who made me feel broken, and I allowed it. A spouse who isn't capable of a true, deep, emotionally connected relationship with someone. Its so very sad to see.

D means that I will have a new opportunity to show my children what healthy boundaries are, and hopefully what a healthy relationship looks like.

D also mean that my children will never look at their father the same way. He didn't just betray me, he betrayed them..He has made himself out to be a liar - everything he told them about family being so important, honesty, and how to treat other people...just words...not the way he lives.

So - D is a mixed bag for me. A very sad and tragic mixed bag.

I will be OK in the end. I will be better.

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Something I didn't know I'd lost - Freedom.

Freedom is precious. Delicious. Sweet. Giddy. Something to be guarded and protected. Something that still makes me smile and quietly laugh to myself.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9824 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exactly what Nature Girl said.

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1360 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 27
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