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Still Cheating At Work

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Razor posted 7/18/2014 16:42 PM

When I read your story and posts, and many others from SI, I feel like it's stories from hopeless prisoners, who barely exist in sad, dank, gray life sentences, no hope of parole, feeling they will never see outside the wall, and everyday is just another day making gravel and eat slop.

I dont agree.

The safety of our children and finances are real concerns. No one should diminish the choices of others. No one knows what is really going on in someone elses M. We all make choices that are best for US. and just because we dont agree with what they say we should not berate others for choosing what they do.

IMO its possible to be happy in a life where you remain M to a person who as it turns out is not who we thought they were when we married them. Its possible to stay in a M to a cheater. IF they are actually not cheating any more. and have a happy and fulfilled life.

This is a shit sandwich no matter which way you look at it.

We either D our cheating spouse and possibly loose our kids.. putting them in danger by having some stranger help raise them. AND possibly loose more than half of what we worked so hard to achieve. The benefit of this is that we are free to rebuild our life and find someone better.
If our WS has stopped cheating we then stay in a M with someone we really dont trust. a person who as we now know them would definitely be our second choice. The benefit of this is that maybe we still LIKE the person who betrayed us and can learn to enjoy their company. At the same time we get to keep our kids and our financial security remains intact.

There is no right answer. Its a shit sandwich either way you go.

deceivedguy posted 7/18/2014 17:35 PM

I really don't understand some of the remarks.
I don't have a lawyer, but I'm looking.
I have about $300.
I have two children.
I have an injured right hand.
We're in debt and WW makes the paychecks.

What am I going to accomplish by ending it, tonight? I have no where to go, folks. The four of us will be miserable 24/7. If I do what I'm doing, I will be miserable for part of the time, and less each day that I can detach. Do you have kids?

Let;s say WW IS still having an affair, ending the M tonight isn't going to end that. So, I'll be in the exact same situation only my girls will devastated and I'll be scrambling to find any job I can get, which will leave my kids home alone all day.
Why in the world wouldn't I get some resources in order before I did this?

[This message edited by deceivedguy at 5:37 PM, July 18th (Friday)]

GettingHappy posted 7/18/2014 17:55 PM

DG- I just want to tell you that I think you are doing great. You need to take the advice that works for you at this point in time. I am rooting for you!

Tom67 posted 7/18/2014 18:25 PM

Take your time hey what doesn't apply let it fly.

craig2001 posted 7/18/2014 19:11 PM

DG - Just keep doing what you're doing. Bide your time and do not give your wife any indication you are snooping.

You are not entirely sure she is still having an affair or a different one. So patience works in your favor and as you said, sooner or later she will screw up.

Don't confront her with the slightest evidence that she can lie out of and considering how she will react, what you do end up confronting her with has to be solid as a rock proof.

Since you are looking for a good lawyer and your hand is healing, time is on your side since your wife doesn't know what you are up to. As long as she is in the dark as to your plans, just plan carefully.

I really don't understand why your wife would continue an affair with a married guy, but who knows. You will have answers soon enough.

deceivedguy posted 7/18/2014 20:56 PM

While I try to put a parachute together, I continue to monitor for any evidence, and continue 180.

This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
I wish I could just walk. I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'm sick of this. Every aspect of my life is overshadowed by this.

I'm not trying to be a doormat. I just need to be patient, which is not easy in this situation.

hopefulmother posted 7/18/2014 21:00 PM

Stay focused and relax. You have all the time in the world as long as you can keep an emotional grip. The same thing they tell us when we choose to R and are still not sure if we should divorce a remorseful spouse.

You are not a SA, you just have physical touch as your love language. You are in an emotional state and obviously need your love language to feel better.

Can you sew the VAR into her purse?

deceivedguy posted 7/18/2014 21:08 PM

I'm trying to put together the best possible outcome for me and my girls.

[This message edited by deceivedguy at 9:02 AM, October 5th (Sunday)]

yearsofpain25 posted 7/18/2014 21:15 PM

Hey DG. Just catching up on your thread again. Sounds like you are getting frustrated with the entire situation. Completely understandable. It's a giant shit sandwich and you are being forced to chew slowly.

Keep thinking of those girls. You know your WW best. You are continuing to move forward which is more than many do in your situation. Keep as calm as you can and keep on that 180.

Just wanted to give you some words of encouragement. This shit is brutal but you can do this.


deceivedguy posted 7/18/2014 21:35 PM

Thanks for the encouragement. Really tough as everyone here knows.
Right now I only see D in my future, which sucks.
Just building a parachute.
Thanks again!

longsadstory1952 posted 7/18/2014 21:50 PM

Friend. If you are the sahh she gets to pay for your lawyer and support as you do the d. Act.

deceivedguy posted 7/18/2014 21:57 PM

I haven't been told or seen that information.
If I can get a lawyer to put it in black and white, I'm there.

longsadstory1952 posted 7/18/2014 22:05 PM

You can. It's the law. Act.

Tom67 posted 7/18/2014 22:17 PM

Hey D look up Jeffrey Leving yes he's in Chicago make an appt or call him.
One question do you have access to a joint bank account?
You should half of the $$$ is yours.
Would this guy charge a little extra for the drive sure so what if he does you right.

Jduff posted 7/18/2014 22:27 PM

He needs to hear it from a lawyer. He needs to be prudent in his planning. It's the smart thing to do.

DG, I did the same thing in my planning. You'll get through this fine, with or without her.

Badhurt posted 7/18/2014 22:31 PM


You are doing ok. Everyone following knows the situation is tough for you. If you wife is having a ongoing affair now she will fuck up eventually. Just use the time wisely and do t get complacent because she offers sex to you.
The fact that you feel D is in store means that you are getting it how much easier this could have been if she cared enough to help you heal and not try to bully you into just living with whatever she wants to do.
I think some who have become a little impatient have done so because your pain and inability to control your emotions was making you sick. And you will not be a good parent physically incapacitated.
I still think she is up to no good but it is really strange that if her coming and going is so regular that it all seems to be happening 9-5. Most passionate affairs usually escalate to behavior like staying out late of being home with "girlfriends".
Wait for the VAR or something to tell something. Just do not get emotional and tell her about it in a weak moment.
Keep posting . And do your best to stay calm

deceivedguy posted 7/18/2014 22:33 PM

TOM, Whoa, thanks! I'll definitely give him a call!

[This message edited by deceivedguy at 10:35 PM, July 18th (Friday)]

deceivedguy posted 7/18/2014 22:48 PM

Bad, that's exactly what I'm doing. I have No illusions of R at this point. The CAR is giving me clues. My WW explained to passengers where she parks every morning. Basement level underground parking. I believe the maintenance office is in the basement.
If I try to stake her out, I just need a sweet note to say I was going to put it on WW's windshield.

I will get out of this and she will regret this. And hopefully I'll get my girls for majority
(Or acceptable) amount of time.

deceivedguy posted 7/18/2014 22:56 PM

WW is actually trash talking about my 12-yr old to a bunch of girls from work. What a scumbag.

[This message edited by deceivedguy at 9:02 AM, October 5th (Sunday)]

Tom67 posted 7/18/2014 23:00 PM

That is disturbing and sad.
A mother to do that is just
An affair is one thing but this is a whole other level.
SAVE IT usb drive whatever.
I'm just argh

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