I don't remember if I am part owner of that car, in regards to the recordings.
[This message edited by Tom67 at 11:33 PM, July 18th (Friday)]
Is she trash talking the kids or is she just stating she is at her wits end. Many parents state their children are driving them crazy from time to time.
From what you relay, she really sounds like she is deep in a fog and wants her freedom. Why doesn't she just leave then? Many don't leave due to financial issues or children. She doesn't seem to have an issue with either one.
BTW: be sure to erase your internet history in case she gets your comp and sees what you have been up to.
She practically begged me to switch places so she could go back to work, when we moved to the midwest. I reluctantly agreed. Inside of the first year she was already disgruntled at her job and told everyone that she was miserable but she HAD to do it because I was in a car accident and unable to go back to work. THat was a lie. I had a couple of potential jobs lined up before we moved out here. I was in a car accident, a couple of years prior, but I only took two weeks off from work. It never affected anything.
She is an habitual liar.
I honestly don't know why she is still married to me.
That's a tough thing to state out loud.
I know you are a vet, and wonder if the VA could guide you toward legal help? Here is the link for VA services... You fucking earned the right by noble service to the country, see what they might do.
Maybe contact your local job Vet rep, local/county vet rep to gain some help? We are going to get you out of this mess with dignity, and strength. No compromise friend, never!
The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...
DG you are going to have to put your life back together brick by brick. I know you already know this. But don't worry, mark my words, you will build it faster than you thought. You will get a good new job. Your relationship with your girls will be strong. You will be OK. You are going through the hardest part...so just keep going.
1. Keep looking for a good lawyer. Take extra cash everytime you go to the grocery store and set aside.
2. Get signed up for retraining now. There are lots of online classes. More than just Sql. Put it on a credit card. Your wife can pay for it.
3. Gather evidence. Detach detach detach.
[This message edited by Salt at 1:10 PM, July 19th (Saturday)]
What whiney little babies with their mid life crisis crap. They tear up so many lives, then run off to be "happy", leaving all responsibilities behind. Check in with them a few years down the road and they are unhappy....again. Self entitled, narcissistic. It takes a good 25-30 years for them to really get how much they fucked up and fucked other people lives, if they have a sliver of character to admit it to themselves.
Salt: so true. Sometimes it just makes my stomach turn and my blood boil that these WS are and think like that. So sad that we BS, have to deal with adults that act like toddlers with their tantrums and sense of entitlement. Sad thing is that thinking back on our relationships, half the time we enabled them and didn't even realize it.
No wonder why half of us are having/or had issues being estranged after month 6. How can we not be disgusted by our WS or resentful that we have another child to take care of.
[This message edited by hopefulmother at 2:15 PM, July 19th (Saturday)]
WW tends to fabricate her reality to fit whatever she needs to accomplish at the time. She has trash talked other people to me, to the point that she is writing them off, then turns it off when she's over it.
As an FYI this is not normal and I can understand why you are worried about getting a D from her. Once you confront make sure you ALWAYS have a VAR on you. While you might not be able to use the recordings in court I have heard of people on this forum using them with the police if the wife claims domestic violence.
First session with new MC today. Very good MC. She's been doing it for a long time. The cool thing about this is, I get to say things that I normally can't in every day conversation. WW had to say out loud that she had an affair for 3 months, then listen to me rehash the entire story of how i found out, along with the two days of TT until she finally fessed up. She was more pissed off than remorseful, but I'll take what I can get.
I did mention the D word in the course of the session, but she has no idea that I'm actually shopping for lawyers.
Shock, Salt, Free, and everyone else... I am once again on the path to feeling empowered. Last week, Sunday was my downfall. Going to work extra hard to stay strong tomorrow. I will do this, I will get through this, and so will my girls. Well, I am worried about my girls, but I know that staying with my lying, cheating, secretive WW is not a permanent option. If she had shown me her electronics on the day I asked to see them, there might have been a chance.
[This message edited by deceivedguy at 9:01 AM, October 5th (Sunday)]
If she had shown me her electronics on the day I asked to see them, there might have been a chance.
You are doing great. Bide your time.
Take all you need to make your plans come out what will be best for you and your girls.
Your wife is immature. But worse than that? She is selfish.
Keep the recordings in a safe place. And when you think the time is right make your wife sit down and listen to herself berating her kids. But worse than that making a fool of herself sounding like an immature, selfish person.....
She needs to hear it.
It might just be what you need to free yourself from her and give her the freedom she so desperately seeks.
It might also show her just what a miserable person she is. Maybe she will do something about it instead of cheating, lying and abusing her family.
Stay tough. Keep being a great Dad.
Chopped/ingOnions hid the pen var in a seam of her leather bag. It was small enough that she never saw it. It was sensitive enough that it picked up all of her phone calls.
Now that you've had that trial appointment, I'd now completely table MC, because there is absolutely no value in MC with a remorseless spouse still engaged in an affair.
I'd tell WW, "Well, that was an interesting experience, and I hope you now have a more realistic idea of what it might take to work through some of these issues in MC. However, I won't be returning until you've ended your affair, identified your affair partner, sent an NC letter with me, provided access to your electronics---from which you will have deleted absolutely nothing from this date forward, and attended enough IC that you have improved coping tools before we embark on joint therapy. Because I'm not willing to endanger my emotional well-being by going out on a limb with a person who can't provide even the bare minimum required for reconciliation post-infidelity."
Truly, attending MC with a remorseless spouse still in an affair is akin to handing her a baseball bat and saying, "Please, hit me about the face and neck repeatedly," or offering her steel-toed boots to kick you in the nuts. It's emotional suicide.
You will not make marital progress, you will not reconcile, and the potential for real, lasting emotional harm to YOU is astronomical.
Stick with IC until you've got a spouse who's committed to R. By committed, I mean, one who's copped to her affair, identified her affair partners, gone NC, provided access to electronics, and so on.
180 in the meantime. 180, sans discussion of the future of your marriage. She has too much work to do for "future" to even be a consideration. That doesn't mean you can't cohabit, as grueling as that becomes with a remorseless cheater. It means that it's unrealistic to expect anything more than a roommate with a bad history---and by that, I mean a roommate who's shown a willingness to harm you.
You're not just throwing good money after bad at this point with MC, and putting your emotional well-being on the line.
she swears she did it via her work phone
A phone bill from work might not be possible.
When the subject of rebuilding trust comes up, hammer home the point of transparency. And when she brings up trust, tell her that the her affair destroyed all past trust and it now has to be built up again.
Saying this at MC gets you on the record of stating exactly at least one of your conditions.
The VAR conversations should be quite interesting next week.
I think your wife is slowly learning the world doesn't revolve around her anymore.
Has she read any books yet about what it takes to actually R.