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User Topic: Still Cheating At Work
deceivedguy
♂ Member
Member # 44049
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW doesn't talk to her parents. She used to call them during her ride home from work, which was late every night during A. Parents must have suspected something and started calling her a failure of a mother, among other things.
WW has had mommy issues all her life.
Now she blames me for her affair and her mother for everything else.
I can assure you, I have ALWAYS been very protective and supportive of (W)W and DDs, and always put them before myself.
WW seems to be trying to reinvent herself and recreate the past two years. She has completely shut out her parents. She now talks about herself as though she is a character from the TV show "Suits".
It's bizarre, she's literally making over her personality.
She used to be caring and compassionate. Ever since getting into the financial advisor world and becoming a rock star however, it's like watching a real life version of Jekyll and Hyde....

[This message edited by deceivedguy at 8:23 PM, July 21st (Monday)]


Me (49), WW (44), 2 Awesome DDs
DDay 6/2/2014 - 16 years married
Possibly new or continuing A, currently.
Worst experience of my life. Still having a tough time dealing with this. I appreciate your support, more than I can express.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Indiana
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ever since getting into the financial advisor world and becoming a rock star, it's like watching a real life version of Jekyll and Hyde....

Different industry, same result here
Egotism and the sycophants that fuel it really suck, huh?


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8075 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Shockleader
♂ Member
Member # 36827
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ever since getting into the financial advisor world and becoming a rock star however, it's like watching a real life version of Jekyll and Hyde....

Yep, again another similarity in our situations. ExPOS climbed on many others backs to get where she is now... The entitlement transformation was simply unreal... I remember telling her once that you have become so used to having your ass kissed, never being told you are wrong by anyone at work, placed on a pedestal so high, that no matter what I say, I'm wrong and being critical. Sticks in my head like a tape playing.

Yes, she was very attractive, but also extremely good at her job, in a workplace of nearly 95% male. Musta been a real turn on to see a hot, voluptuous, tall women who was very competent, the director of a division of a huge multinational and "friendly"... I guess we were disposable dishrags, and I recall vividly her telling me "she outgrew me".


D-Day spring 2012
Me BS 47
Xcheater 44
One DD 19
Married 23 years
Divorced 12/23/13 Fu*king A!

The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...


Posts: 652 | Registered: Sep 2012
deceivedguy
♂ Member
Member # 44049
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is still seeing OM.
I want to wake her up and tell her to pack a change of clothes when she goes to work tomorrow because I don't want to see her face here.

[This message edited by deceivedguy at 9:00 AM, October 5th (Sunday)]


Me (49), WW (44), 2 Awesome DDs
DDay 6/2/2014 - 16 years married
Possibly new or continuing A, currently.
Worst experience of my life. Still having a tough time dealing with this. I appreciate your support, more than I can express.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Indiana
lovesobroken
♀ Member
Member # 43588
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any idea if its the same OM? Was it incriminating? Hang in there.

Posts: 226 | Registered: May 2014
deceivedguy
♂ Member
Member # 44049
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The weird thing is, I don't know if I want to react right away, right now.
I feel like I am in control, now that I know it;s still going on. I was planning on D, anyway. I was detaching and not ever planning on having sex with her again.

Do I wait and gather evidence? Or do I tell her to f-off?

I am concerned that she's been spoiling my DDs lately. They are very mature 11 and 12. I want to tell them, if things go south before she lies and says something about me. From what I've read, I shouldn;t say anything to them, but I'm not sure...

Tomorrow, I'm spoiling the hell out of my DDs, and I don;t care how much it costs.

I want to wake up WW and tell her I know... but I also want to wait until I get a lawyer....

Please don't slam me with the "you're a doormat" comments... I'm not planning on R, now. I just want to handle this in the best way possible.


Me (49), WW (44), 2 Awesome DDs
DDay 6/2/2014 - 16 years married
Possibly new or continuing A, currently.
Worst experience of my life. Still having a tough time dealing with this. I appreciate your support, more than I can express.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Indiana
deceivedguy
♂ Member
Member # 44049
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lovesobroken... Russian dude, definitely


Me (49), WW (44), 2 Awesome DDs
DDay 6/2/2014 - 16 years married
Possibly new or continuing A, currently.
Worst experience of my life. Still having a tough time dealing with this. I appreciate your support, more than I can express.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Indiana
deceivedguy
♂ Member
Member # 44049
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


This is actually a relief. I knew she was still seeing him, I just didn't have the proof I needed for myself.

I guess I get to join the multi-DDay club! Whoo-freaking-hoo!!!

[This message edited by deceivedguy at 8:59 AM, October 5th (Sunday)]


Me (49), WW (44), 2 Awesome DDs
DDay 6/2/2014 - 16 years married
Possibly new or continuing A, currently.
Worst experience of my life. Still having a tough time dealing with this. I appreciate your support, more than I can express.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Indiana
ChangeMaker
♂ Member
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like I am in control

Keep this in mind. Don't confront her, fuck it. She doesn't tell you what she knows. Just act.


"Everything works if you let it." - Travis W. Redfish

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug


Posts: 351 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I'll read it, but don't expect me to do anything in it".

Wow...she is so regretful for being caught and how this mess is an inconvenience. Not at all remorseful. I agree, she is still deep into an A. She is just doing what she needs to do to placate you. She doesn't want any of it, but she does give a shit about her image (a divorce/ a bad mother). If you D, then her carefree, fantasy, fun life is over. She will have to be a mother and take care of everything when you separate and she has visitation with the kids.

I was rooting for you two to work it out, but now? She isn't going to use the book? I will still pray for you.

BTW, do you think you really will miss your WW? Maybe, what you really are missing is what the M could have been like if she was a decent human being.

Sorry...just caught up to the other posts. So sorry about what you found out on the VAR, but I am glad you got your closure.

[This message edited by hopefulmother at 11:13 PM, July 21st (Monday)]


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
deceivedguy
♂ Member
Member # 44049
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His office is in the basement. He is talking to her while walking to car. I have no doubt she is still with him.

She of course, said she had broken it off and there is no more contact. And there he is, walking her to her car, most likely after a morning tryst.

[This message edited by deceivedguy at 8:59 AM, October 5th (Sunday)]


Me (49), WW (44), 2 Awesome DDs
DDay 6/2/2014 - 16 years married
Possibly new or continuing A, currently.
Worst experience of my life. Still having a tough time dealing with this. I appreciate your support, more than I can express.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Indiana
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No I didn't...I have a habit of posting while thoughts are in my head and I am using quotes. I did correct my post after I read the next page, but I saw that you already replied.

Again so sorry. But, I am happy that you have your answers and closure. You are a wonderful father and a man of character. You will find another woman that will cherish you. Know any on the PTA?

What ever you do...keep your character and don't trash talk her with the kids. (not that you seem the type, but pain and anger give us fuel to do stupid things). Your children will choose their own beliefs. Bring it up in IC or MC on how to tell them if you can. Before outing your wife.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
deceivedguy
♂ Member
Member # 44049
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, HopEfulMother..
I wouldn;t trash talk her, but I had considered just telling them straight up, that she cheated on me. My kids often remarked that she changed, this year. I can tell them, that is why. The only reason why I want to tell them at all, is I don;t trust WW. I could totally see her trash talk about me. She has now lied to everyone she knows.
UGH!

[This message edited by deceivedguy at 8:58 AM, October 5th (Sunday)]


Me (49), WW (44), 2 Awesome DDs
DDay 6/2/2014 - 16 years married
Possibly new or continuing A, currently.
Worst experience of my life. Still having a tough time dealing with this. I appreciate your support, more than I can express.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Indiana
deceivedguy
♂ Member
Member # 44049
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to confront her tonight. Not violently or anything like that. I have never addressed her in an angry tone. I want to tell her not to come home tomorrow night, just to see what she says. She'll probably say, "I pay the mortgage, f-off", but I still want to confront her.
This weekend, I told her that I was feeling a round of extra pain and I was still suspicious that she was seeing him, and she became livid and very defensive. I think part of my wanting to confront her tonight (waking her up) is in response to the things she said to me, this weekend.

I think I can wait until I get a lawyer, but I'm not sure, to tell you the truth.

[This message edited by deceivedguy at 8:58 AM, October 5th (Sunday)]


Me (49), WW (44), 2 Awesome DDs
DDay 6/2/2014 - 16 years married
Possibly new or continuing A, currently.
Worst experience of my life. Still having a tough time dealing with this. I appreciate your support, more than I can express.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Indiana
Badhurt
♂ Member
Member # 41947
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Deceived Guy

Slow down. Yes you did catch her but you heard noise that you think was kissing. You are probably right.
However, do not confront her yet . You have to get a lawyer before you do that. I am not a lawyer but maybe some that are on here can tell you if you file and offer mediation maybe you can save lawyer expense.
I still find it hard to believe that a financial services business executive would be fucking a guy in the basement office of an office building and not be trying to spend more time with him but I guess that is what she did before.
I do not know how you could get to her office in the am with the kids to try to catch her without her seeing you leave.
There has just got to be some sort of legal aid available somewhere . Criminals get it.
Do not expose the VAR yet until someone here gives you legal advice. I know Red Sox and Scheudenfreide were lawyers.

Right now all you have is no contact violation which you already knew. You have to be ready when you confront. She will deny and just be more careful


Posts: 1097 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have held it in this far. Sit on it. In hindsight, I wish I hadn't confronted my FWH right away. I replayed many scenarios about confronting them both at work and humiliating them both.

Though for you, you are sure of D. I would wait till you get a lawyer and start squirreling away money. Don't worry about your children. If she trash talks you...they are old enough to see the lies and make their own opinions. It would actually do her more harm to trash talk you. You are their caregiver and they will be loyal to you. They already know Mom has changed and they don't like it.

[This message edited by hopefulmother at 11:41 PM, July 21st (Monday)]


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Tom67
♂ Member
Member # 42664
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does the guys wife know?
If not let her know after you have your sh!t together financially.

Posts: 235 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
deceivedguy
♂ Member
Member # 44049
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have the exact time they met though. That counts for something.
Finding a lawyer is taking forever and I soooo want to tell her now because she adamantly denied still being in contact with him this weekend, when I didn't actually know. Now that I now, I soooo want to tell her!
If I hadn't promised my DDs a special trip tomorrow, I would drive there, tomorrow. My excuse for leaving before she leaves for work, is the fact that I have to get physical therapy for my hand, about a half an hour away. I could just say I'm going there. She has a crazy schedule for the rest of the week though, so it'll be hit or miss. I haven;t established a pattern, yet, either.
I'm sure she went to her car to pick up a couple of plants she brought to work. He probably walked her there after getting some morning sex.
His office is in the basement and she parks in the basement section of the underground parking.

[This message edited by deceivedguy at 8:57 AM, October 5th (Sunday)]


Me (49), WW (44), 2 Awesome DDs
DDay 6/2/2014 - 16 years married
Possibly new or continuing A, currently.
Worst experience of my life. Still having a tough time dealing with this. I appreciate your support, more than I can express.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Indiana
Salt
♀ Member
Member # 43726
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DG,
Listen hon, remember I told you that your whole perspective would change as soon as you heard anything on the VAR?

Now you must be smart, smart for yourself and your girls.

Don't confront. Don't reveal anything right now. I know it's hard but remember you are in this for the ENDGAME. That's you and the girls.

What she is doing is something that could potentially get her fired. That means you might just have something very valuable here: LEVERAGE. However it is not legal to record someone without their knowledge, without their consent.

You need an attorney asap. Because an attorney can advise you properly.

So for now, remember to breathe. Yes you are in control and the more you stay in control, not revealing what you know, the stronger your position is going to be. Keep gathering your evidence, get to an attorney.

Once you have retained one then put your strategy into action. And that may just include having her pack her bags and leave the home. You want to take advice from an attorney first.

As regards to telling the girls, say nothing now. But when the times comes tell them the truth, the simple age appropriate facts, when they ask. Don't badmouth their mother, don't fill in the details, just the basic simple facts. They will need to know who to trust. Because if you think you can hide information and protect them, they are much smarter than you think. They will smell lies a mile away. Treat them how you would want to be treated. The truth without trashing their mother.


BS, 54 Divorced 2012
I read and walked for miles at night along the beach, writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life. It never crossed my mind that that person would be me.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2014
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This really sucks man I hate to hear the R isn't in your future but am happy that you will rid yourself of someone like that.You're way too good for that man.

Take everyone's advice and do not tell her yet. I'd get hours of conversation built up. Establish a patter my man. Get someone you know to be in that basement and get some photographs of them together. That is legal and could be used to establish some proof if things get nasty. Get your ducks in a row and squirrel hole the shit out of some money. If it were me I'd definitely get the last laugh buddy. After all that's all you can do at this point is laugh because crying isn't going to get you anywhere.

Find a good attorney and go for spousal support and go for your kids all the way. Make her pay you and pay child support. I'm not sure what I'd do about telling the kids because mine are really too young to understand. Only you know the maturity they possess. I'd just steer clear of details and give the scenario. If I were to tell mine the story I'd make sure they knew they were loved by both of you very much. Even if that's not the truth on your wife's part. I'd let them know that you were leaving and would like them to live with you because you can provide them the love and support they need and that they could see there mother any time they chose too.

I'm not really qualified to give the best advice possible because my experience and yours are so different but it's what I'd do. Hang tough buddy and laughing about this shit will make it so much easier because now it's like a game and I'd feel good about myself outsmarting her. She's the dumb one but obviously things you're the gullible fool and that's where the last laugh comes in.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 616 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
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