[This message edited by deceivedguy at 8:23 PM, July 21st (Monday)]
Ever since getting into the financial advisor world and becoming a rock star, it's like watching a real life version of Jekyll and Hyde....
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Ever since getting into the financial advisor world and becoming a rock star however, it's like watching a real life version of Jekyll and Hyde....
Yep, again another similarity in our situations. ExPOS climbed on many others backs to get where she is now... The entitlement transformation was simply unreal... I remember telling her once that you have become so used to having your ass kissed, never being told you are wrong by anyone at work, placed on a pedestal so high, that no matter what I say, I'm wrong and being critical. Sticks in my head like a tape playing.
Yes, she was very attractive, but also extremely good at her job, in a workplace of nearly 95% male. Musta been a real turn on to see a hot, voluptuous, tall women who was very competent, the director of a division of a huge multinational and "friendly"... I guess we were disposable dishrags, and I recall vividly her telling me "she outgrew me".
The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...
[This message edited by deceivedguy at 9:00 AM, October 5th (Sunday)]
Do I wait and gather evidence? Or do I tell her to f-off?
I am concerned that she's been spoiling my DDs lately. They are very mature 11 and 12. I want to tell them, if things go south before she lies and says something about me. From what I've read, I shouldn;t say anything to them, but I'm not sure...
Tomorrow, I'm spoiling the hell out of my DDs, and I don;t care how much it costs.
I want to wake up WW and tell her I know... but I also want to wait until I get a lawyer....
Please don't slam me with the "you're a doormat" comments... I'm not planning on R, now. I just want to handle this in the best way possible.
I guess I get to join the multi-DDay club! Whoo-freaking-hoo!!!
[This message edited by deceivedguy at 8:59 AM, October 5th (Sunday)]
I feel like I am in control
Keep this in mind. Don't confront her, fuck it. She doesn't tell you what she knows. Just act.
DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug
"I'll read it, but don't expect me to do anything in it".
Wow...she is so regretful for being caught and how this mess is an inconvenience. Not at all remorseful. I agree, she is still deep into an A. She is just doing what she needs to do to placate you. She doesn't want any of it, but she does give a shit about her image (a divorce/ a bad mother). If you D, then her carefree, fantasy, fun life is over. She will have to be a mother and take care of everything when you separate and she has visitation with the kids.
I was rooting for you two to work it out, but now? She isn't going to use the book? I will still pray for you.
BTW, do you think you really will miss your WW? Maybe, what you really are missing is what the M could have been like if she was a decent human being.
Sorry...just caught up to the other posts. So sorry about what you found out on the VAR, but I am glad you got your closure.
[This message edited by hopefulmother at 11:13 PM, July 21st (Monday)]
She of course, said she had broken it off and there is no more contact. And there he is, walking her to her car, most likely after a morning tryst.
Again so sorry. But, I am happy that you have your answers and closure. You are a wonderful father and a man of character. You will find another woman that will cherish you. Know any on the PTA?
What ever you do...keep your character and don't trash talk her with the kids. (not that you seem the type, but pain and anger give us fuel to do stupid things). Your children will choose their own beliefs. Bring it up in IC or MC on how to tell them if you can. Before outing your wife.
[This message edited by deceivedguy at 8:58 AM, October 5th (Sunday)]
I think I can wait until I get a lawyer, but I'm not sure, to tell you the truth.
Slow down. Yes you did catch her but you heard noise that you think was kissing. You are probably right.
However, do not confront her yet . You have to get a lawyer before you do that. I am not a lawyer but maybe some that are on here can tell you if you file and offer mediation maybe you can save lawyer expense.
I still find it hard to believe that a financial services business executive would be fucking a guy in the basement office of an office building and not be trying to spend more time with him but I guess that is what she did before.
I do not know how you could get to her office in the am with the kids to try to catch her without her seeing you leave.
There has just got to be some sort of legal aid available somewhere . Criminals get it.
Do not expose the VAR yet until someone here gives you legal advice. I know Red Sox and Scheudenfreide were lawyers.
Right now all you have is no contact violation which you already knew. You have to be ready when you confront. She will deny and just be more careful
Though for you, you are sure of D. I would wait till you get a lawyer and start squirreling away money. Don't worry about your children. If she trash talks you...they are old enough to see the lies and make their own opinions. It would actually do her more harm to trash talk you. You are their caregiver and they will be loyal to you. They already know Mom has changed and they don't like it.
[This message edited by hopefulmother at 11:41 PM, July 21st (Monday)]
[This message edited by deceivedguy at 8:57 AM, October 5th (Sunday)]
Now you must be smart, smart for yourself and your girls.
Don't confront. Don't reveal anything right now. I know it's hard but remember you are in this for the ENDGAME. That's you and the girls.
What she is doing is something that could potentially get her fired. That means you might just have something very valuable here: LEVERAGE. However it is not legal to record someone without their knowledge, without their consent.
You need an attorney asap. Because an attorney can advise you properly.
So for now, remember to breathe. Yes you are in control and the more you stay in control, not revealing what you know, the stronger your position is going to be. Keep gathering your evidence, get to an attorney.
Once you have retained one then put your strategy into action. And that may just include having her pack her bags and leave the home. You want to take advice from an attorney first.
As regards to telling the girls, say nothing now. But when the times comes tell them the truth, the simple age appropriate facts, when they ask. Don't badmouth their mother, don't fill in the details, just the basic simple facts. They will need to know who to trust. Because if you think you can hide information and protect them, they are much smarter than you think. They will smell lies a mile away. Treat them how you would want to be treated. The truth without trashing their mother.
Take everyone's advice and do not tell her yet. I'd get hours of conversation built up. Establish a patter my man. Get someone you know to be in that basement and get some photographs of them together. That is legal and could be used to establish some proof if things get nasty. Get your ducks in a row and squirrel hole the shit out of some money. If it were me I'd definitely get the last laugh buddy. After all that's all you can do at this point is laugh because crying isn't going to get you anywhere.
Find a good attorney and go for spousal support and go for your kids all the way. Make her pay you and pay child support. I'm not sure what I'd do about telling the kids because mine are really too young to understand. Only you know the maturity they possess. I'd just steer clear of details and give the scenario. If I were to tell mine the story I'd make sure they knew they were loved by both of you very much. Even if that's not the truth on your wife's part. I'd let them know that you were leaving and would like them to live with you because you can provide them the love and support they need and that they could see there mother any time they chose too.
I'm not really qualified to give the best advice possible because my experience and yours are so different but it's what I'd do. Hang tough buddy and laughing about this shit will make it so much easier because now it's like a game and I'd feel good about myself outsmarting her. She's the dumb one but obviously things you're the gullible fool and that's where the last laugh comes in.