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Newest Member: Herself (45715)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Still Cheating At Work
Salt
♀ Member
Member # 43726
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DG,
Jduff and Schadenfreude are giving excellent advice here. There are distinct advantages to filing first. You can always stop an action if you want to. Also, any attorney you contract with should be able to very quickly search public records for you.


BS, 54 Divorced 2012
I read and walked for miles at night along the beach, writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life. It never crossed my mind that that person would be me.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2014
Tom67
♂ Member
Member # 42664
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey DG how are you holding up bro?

Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
Tom67
♂ Member
Member # 42664
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
meleanoro
♀ Member
Member # 6210
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dg, I've been following your thread closely. Another bump to let you know people care. I hope you've gotten some stability and progress this week with L, etc.


Me: Tired BS.
(I frequently edit for typos)

Posts: 290 | Registered: Jan 2005
Tom67
♂ Member
Member # 42664
Default  Posted: 2:27 AM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump once more

Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How are you holding up?


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 953 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump for you buddy. Hang in there.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 627 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
ChangeMaker
♂ Member
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Come on DG, where are you? We're all very concerned for you and wondering how you're holding up.


"Everything works if you let it." - Travis W. Redfish

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug


Posts: 384 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope you are ok.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2359 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Tom67
♂ Member
Member # 42664
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you are okay also.

Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
Too_Trusting
♀ Member
Member # 99
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^bump^^

DG, I've been following your thread and am also concerned that it's been a week since you've posted. Please check in and let us know how you're doing, OK? We're all worried about you.


"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies

Posts: 2491 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina
Tom67
♂ Member
Member # 42664
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadly It seems Elvis has left the building.
He was thinking of confronting her a work last week.
Hope he is okay.

Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope he is okay too. I can only guess that maybe he left the home and doesn't have access to a computer? I sure hope she didn't find out about SI and made him stop.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 953 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
GettingHappy
♀ New Member
Member # 42129
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also hoping he is okay!!

Posts: 42 | Registered: Jan 2014
happyman64
♂ Member
Member # 33212
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DG

Are you ok?

HM


Posts: 966 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New York
deceivedguy
♂ Member
Member # 44049
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all SO MUCH for continuing to check in with me and this topic.
Everything kind of blew up.

We had a blow-out after she heard me talking to one of my friends on the phone about "proof". She admitted to still seeing OM, but only while going to her car, which is a possibility.

OM is a maintenance guy in her huge office building. She parks underground in basement parking, near maintenance guys. There is a possibility that she sees him all the time because of that, and not actually having sex. Just stealing a kiss walking to car. I know, it's more of a probability that it's still going on, but I don;t have definitive proof.

Talked to lawyers. There is no guarantee that I'll get full or even majority custody of my girls, if I file for D.

Right now, I'm in a holding pattern. I've been doing 180 for two weeks. No physical contact. She acts like a normal loving W at home and my kids are none the wiser. I'm on an AD and Xanax, and have a therapist. I wish that I could just find out that WW isn't actually cheating any more, then I could live with the situation a little easier.

I didn't do anything to deserve the situation I'm in, and I deserve to have better, but I can't make a move right now because of previously stated reasons. I need to improve my career skills to jump back into workforce. I cannot rely on D court to give me support or my kids. Those of you who are sure that I'd receive alimony, child support, and my girls, are mistaken. There is no guarantee on any of it. And the amount I'd receive even if I did, could be minimal.

I know that staying with WW because of my children is not right, but I cannot explain to you the heartbreak that I feel, just thinking about what happens after I serve those D papers. I need to have definitive proof that she is still cheating, and I need to be prepared to be out on my own. Bottom line.

So, I'm hanging tough and doing 180. I will eventually resume checking on her, but need some time after last incident. At this point, I'm fairly numb, and couldn't care less if she's still cheating.

I know that I'll get flamed for being a doormat and some of you will say "congratulations on your open marriage, hope you enjoy it", so flame away.

I can't explain to you the feelings that are going through me 24/7. I just know that my girls' happiness is all I have left right now, and I'm hanging on to that until I can get the proof and some semblance of independence.

Still have hand brace and physical therapy until October.

[This message edited by deceivedguy at 8:51 AM, October 5th (Sunday)]


Me (49), WW (44), 2 Awesome DDs
DDay 6/2/2014 - 16 years married
Possibly new or continuing A, currently.
Worst experience of my life. Still having a tough time dealing with this. I appreciate your support, more than I can express.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Indiana
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She admitted to still seeing OM, but only while going to her car, which is a possibility.
At that point you tell your wife your are fed up with her treating you with such disrespect.

Did you tell anyone that this OM threatened to kill you through your wife?

That needs to be told to as many people as possible. Now. I would never take a threat like that. You are right, you did not do a damn thing to deserve this.

I don't remember now, didn't your wife agree to NC with this OM?

Continue to snoop as much as you can. Learn everything you can. Have you done any kind of background check on this OM.

Find out as much as you can about ALL of your enemies. And that is exactly what these people are in your life. They are your enemies.

Your wife has the leverage for the time being. October will be here soon enough.

It sounds like you need a lawyer that does believe in the rights of men and fathers. Look at this web site and email them and ask them for a list of lawyers in your area.

http://mensrights.com/


Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jun 2002
Freeme
♀ Member
Member # 31946
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She admitted to still seeing OM, but only while going to her car, which is a possibility.

I think you know she is still cheating but are not ready for a D. When will you be ready? From what I've read your wife can be a loose cannon -- you have stated she could very well make false accusations against you to the police. That she would lie to your girls in a hartbeat in order to "look good" and make you "look bad".

You havn't worked in 8 years and can't use your right hand for several more weeks and are broke.

Making that step toward D don't sound fun but it does sound inevitable. Keep getting your ducks in a row... job...savings...Lawyer... and keep doing 180. At some point you will realize that the life you are leading in constant fear of D is far worse than actually getting a D.

you Might want to check out the investigative tips section of this site if you still feel you need more proof.

Check out the divorce section or off topic for advice for D and SAHD.


Posts: 258 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Washington DC
Bigger
♂ Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you contacted the company’s HR department or WW manager about the affair?


"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5566 | Registered: Sep 2005
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good to hear from. Sorry about that close call. That really sucks. Well, at least you know that the A is still going...at least an EA one. Most likely you are right and it is more. Hang in there in the meantime till you are in a better spot to D. I don't think you are afraid of D in losing her. You have really grown and become detached from her. I just think you want to be as comfortable as possible to support your girls. Just keep an eye one her in case she is getting her own ducks in a row. I can't see her leaving you for him. After all he is just a parking garage manager. She is all about image.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 953 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
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