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Newest Member: Rdoranjr (45348)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Inspired by a mug
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My dad hasn't had a drink since I turned 10. That was 36 years ago. I am staying with them right now for summer holidays and went upstairs to make some toast. His mug was sitting on the toaster....

God, grant me the serenity to
accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Why am I doing pretty well at 19 months? I think there are a lot of reasons but I am guessing that this AA mantra has been in my head for decades now. It must have made an impact. No doublt settled somewhere in my brain and got comfortable. I think watching Dad get sober, get a life and move heaven and earth to be a wonderful Dad has helped me understand that people can change. If they work hard enough, it is possible.

I include myself in this whole process of working hard too.

Goodnight, SI friends.
LA


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2451 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
FixYou71
♀ Member
Member # 42654
Default  Posted: 1:45 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Serenity, acceptance, courage and wisdom: something we should all crave and strive for. I know I do. How much better would life be if we could exist there?

Thanks for sharing tonight.


BS: 43
H: 49
Dday #1 Oct 2007 (Porn for 2 yrs)
Dday #2 May 2013 (Porn for 5 more yrs))
Dday#3 May 2014 (finally admitted to drunk kissing OW in 1994: the 2nd drunken kiss with another woman during our M)
DD 21 and DS 17
Married 1993

Posts: 451 | Registered: Mar 2014
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I need a framed copy of the serenity prayer in my house. So wise.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wise words. Thank you for reminding me of them.

Posts: 35884 | Registered: Mar 2011
Its Better Now?
♂ Member
Member # 34802
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been a regular at our local chapter meetings of EA ( Emotions Anonymous )since about 6 months after Dday. In my pre A ego days I would have never considered "lowering" myself to partake in anything resembling a 12 step program. However after having my entire world crushed beyond recognition, and my inflated pride shot all to hell in one afternoon, it has truly been a Godsend. The Serenity prayer has come to mean everything to me, along with my favorite mantra from EA: Just For Today. Just for today I can accept and survive what has been dealt to me. Just for today I can try again to heal and reconcile, Just for today.... Just for today....


OK; It's Brass Tacks Time

Posts: 124 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Lost and Wondering
ckss4
♀ Member
Member # 43691
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing that, I needed it.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Jun 2014
Sunnydaysahead
♀ Member
Member # 43756
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing....I had a tough morning and the serenity prayer was exactly what I needed to read today. It puts things back in perspective. No matter how much I want to change the past, it isn't going to happen....hoping H and I can find the courage to make all of the necessary changes in our M.

Posts: 63 | Registered: Jun 2014
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the courage to change the things I can

The hard one....


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5274 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And I feel like I need to write that last year at this time, I would read the prayer and say, "yeah..okay...maybe one day".

Last year things were so much worse (@ 7 months). We were again visiting my parents. My 17 year old niece was threatening to tell them of the A. She said terrible things to me and to Mr. LA and I could not blame her for her anger. My sister did nothing - "my hands are tied". I was mad at him too. I resented the position I was in but knew my decision to R meant that there were going to be challenging times like this. My bf at the time told me he should not have visited this summer. That he should have "stayed away". She still won't see him.

Days later, my H told my parents. We all sat down together. They thought I had cancer. The worry in their eyes. Then he told them. He apologized for using them to assist in the A. They were crushed. They had treated him like their son.

One year later, things are so much better. Don't get me wrong...I have terrible days when I think about doing this solo. But they are just hours or days and not weeks or months long.

No matter what happens I know that I can only work on being a better version of myself.

I am glad if this has helped you guys. I like, "Just for Today" too It's Better Now.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2451 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I come from an AA home, too--so the Serenity Prayer was always somewhere nearby. You know,on a fridge magnet or book marks or mugs. It was an everyday sentiment, but one to which I did not consciously pay a lot of attention.

It's become something I've relied on heavily. So much so that I've distilled it down to a one-word mantra: surrender. I remind myself, on an ongoing basis, to surrender what I can't control. I have the word tattooed inside my left wrist as a reminder.

My son's first tattoo was the first verse of the prayer. I taught it to him when he was working to drag himself from depression post dday. I recently overheard him, this wise adolescent, counsel a friend to let go of what he could not control so that he could focus on the things he could change. (Wise boy, I have.)

So yes---it's my favorite prayer and the foundation of how I try to approach life's challenges.

[This message edited by solus sto at 4:20 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)]


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8844 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's beautiful solus sto. Thanks for sharing.

I am going to work on this with my boys little bits at a time.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2451 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
DixieD
♀ Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I almost bought a bracelet with this on it recently. If I was more into wearing jewelry, I would have.

That's wonderful for your dad too LA. I know a few of my dad's friends who stopped drinking in middle age and they are elderly men now. I've had lots of respect for them.

Wise boy indeed, solus sto. Good for him.


Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
Topic Posts: 12

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