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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: NC is tough sometimes...I was so tempted!
minniegal
♀ Member
Member # 43848
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I took my youngest to the orthodontist today. And while I'm sitting in the wait area (no kids - just me) the receptionist tells me that stbxh's freefuck was in a couple of weeks ago getting a free consult for herself. She wanted to let me know that she had mentioned us as a referral when she came in....ugh I sooooo wanted to tell her exactly how she knew us but someone walked in so I shut up.
He was over tonight to see the boys and it KILLED me to keep my mouth shut! So I'm writing here what I wanted to say aloud...
"Hey asshole. You might want to let freefuck know that I heard she was a Dr Cs office a couple of weeks ago. Receptionist wanted to know how I knew her. Don't worry - I told her EXACTLY where I know her from so I'm sure they'll remember her if she ever goes in their office again. You're welcome!
BTW - you might want to tell her to get her own life. Mine is already taken"


Me (BW) 43
Him (WH) 43
Two great boys - 16 and 13
April 1st - the coward told my friend he was "unhappy"
April 12 - I discovered the truth
Separated and on the way to divorce

Posts: 104 | Registered: Jun 2014
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have a huge amount of restraint. I probably would have found a way to mention it to the receptionist.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4563 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:52 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

By all means tell the receptionist and anyone/everyone you can.

But don't let STBX know she is even on your radar. Zip. Zilch. Nada. She doesn't matter. He doesn't matter. I know it sounds counter intuitive but saying anything makes them feel powerful, even if you're insulting them.

Trust me on this, OK.

NC IS hard in the beginning. At first we want to break it to beg them to wake the fuck up and then we want to break it to unleash hell on them. Both are toxic to you.

It won't always be this hard. One day you actually won't give a flying fuck what those parasites are up to.

She didn't get your life but she'll get the one you were going to have - the one with the lying, cheating scumbag.

An article that helped me pity his whores is the second one down in this link, "Because You're So Special".

http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/12/20/a-vain-fantasy-his-one-true-love-the-exception-that-confirms-the-rule/

You can't shame them because they are shameless and completely devoid of empathy or integrity.

Stay strong and hold fast to NC. I promise it won't always be this hard.


[This message edited by SBB at 5:52 AM, July 9th (Wednesday)]


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5582 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
osxgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For future reference, minniegal, you can say VOLUMES while saying nothing or very little.

If it had been me, when the receptionist mentioned the OW, I would have done a very exaggerated . At a minimum, the receptionist would have gotten that this was not exactly a friend of yours.

And if she asked why you rolled your eyes, you could have just said, "She's my STBX's 'friend', not mine."

But definitely maintain the NC with STBX. SBB has it exactly right - mentioning it to your STBX gives her/them WAY too much importance. As far as he's concerned, you notice them no more than you would an ant you squashed on the sidewalk.


Posts: 2398 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
minniegal
♀ Member
Member # 43848
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have told the receptionist all about her..but another mom and kid came in so I kept quiet. She did say to me before I left "you were so deep in thought, we'll have to catch up next time!" Yup, I'm back in a few weeks so will tell all then. We've been in that office for 5 years so they know me well.

I'm keeping NC with the ex. It really does help overall - as much as it would feel great in the moment to tell him off I will just keep it quiet.

I'm only communicating between lawyers right now.
A second letter has gone to his lawyer requesting he begin paying child support and the amount that is expected monthly. If he doesn't respond to this one she'll be put an order to the court to get it started whether he likes it or not. So it's better I stay quiet until that gets going anyways. All these stories I will have to tell him will all come out in the end!!


Me (BW) 43
Him (WH) 43
Two great boys - 16 and 13
April 1st - the coward told my friend he was "unhappy"
April 12 - I discovered the truth
Separated and on the way to divorce

Posts: 104 | Registered: Jun 2014
Topic Posts: 5

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