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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Shocked right now. Help
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought things were going so well between us lately. I just couldn't shake off a feeling so I downloaded a free keylogger. This morning I found his very old aol (that he said he forgot) sn and password. There were e-mails about him wanting to get a quick bj from guys just yesterday. He told them he goes to the store almost every night, he does. I don't know what to do.


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 105 | Registered: May 2014
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((katiescarlett))))

Print out the e-mails and keep them in a safe place. Collect some evidence before you confront.

Do you have someone who can follow him?


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS & 20 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/15(DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5058 | Registered: May 2007
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. I just can't believe it. I thought I was just being paranoid and all I would find from the keylogger was the type of porn he watched.


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 105 | Registered: May 2014
cvs2kkids
♂ Member
Member # 41298
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. Breath- it feels awful and probably will get worse, so you need to take care of you.
2. Save emails and have someone track him for sure
3. Go to a lawyer now!! Know your rights/obligations
4. Arrange for an std test. Even IFit was just oral, things can still be passed on.
5. IC would be good. Seems to be an awful lot of "bi-curious" ads these days. It's another added complication on top of the affair.

Take care of you!!


Philippians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind


Posts: 226 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NB Canada
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know how I'm going to be able to act normal today around him. I haven't confronted yet. I did that the last times and I never got the whole story.

Seeing a lawyer scares me. I don't think I'm ready for that.


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 105 | Registered: May 2014
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatever you do, don't tip your hand yet. You need to gather more evidence.

I know it is hard to do when you are hurting so much but it is important.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 598 | Registered: Mar 2003
Pudding
♀ Member
Member # 37168
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you are here.

Remember that going to a lawyer does not necessarily mean D. It will help you line up the evidence and get your facts straight. A letter from a layers might kick him in to touch and lead to a full confession ( which might be even worse, but at least you will know). You do not have to go through with the D, but it helps you if you do later and right now sends the clear message you are not going to be messed with.


Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: UK
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Katie, you're so young and you've had more than your share of D-Days judging from your history down in your signature line.

This is just yet another D-Day. And this time, he's soliciting men for blowjobs.

When does it ever end?

You'd be real wise to follow the advice of going to a lawyer to find out exactly what you could expect should you have to part ways.

Don't you see that you're not even 30 years old and have been caught up in this cycle for years. He cheats, you forgive him, he cheats again, you forgive him again, he does it over and over and over and you forgive him over and over and over.

Even now, when you find out he's now soliciting men and picking up GOD KNOWS WHAT from other guys, you're still letting your fear root you to him.

He's a serial cheater and this is how your life will always be with him.

[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 8:52 AM, July 9th (Wednesday)]


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1765 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went on his aim chat and found phone numbers under his contacts. I am facebook searching them to see who they are. One was a girl he worked with and the other has my best friend as a mutual friend. I just can't fucking believe this shit is happening again.


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 105 | Registered: May 2014
cvs2kkids
♂ Member
Member # 41298
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seeing a lawyer scares me. I don't think I'm ready for that.

Here's what you need to consider, he's just not screwing around with you, he's screwing around with your children.

You need to be a cold hearted beactch about this and know your rights.

I'm sorry, but at times you need to bury your sorrow and become strategical about it. As a previous poster mentioned, this fella has very little concern for you and your well being. I can almost guarantee in a few years you'll be wondering "what the hell was I thinking?!"

It's a scary journey, but not that scary. Once you get going, it gets manageable.

You need someone to lean on. BFF, Parents, sibling, whatever. I am also a Christian and relied heavily on my faith and prayer.

You need to get through this for those darling boys..Draw strength from that!!


Philippians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind


Posts: 226 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NB Canada
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Should I message the girls I found on his aim chat and find out what they know?


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 105 | Registered: May 2014
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, I contacted an attorney. I have my consulation at 9 am on Friday. I can't believe I just called a divorce attorney.


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 105 | Registered: May 2014
Edith
♀ Member
Member # 38337
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I contacted an attorney.

Great first step!!! We have your back, honey!

Should I message the girls I found on his aim chat

I am not sure what you are looking for here, but I might consider messaging them to say that they need to be tested for STDs.

Big hugs for you Katie. You are way too young to have to deal with something like this. There is life after divorce, and you deserve so much better than him. Take care.

E.


Lies are manipulations. Always.

Posts: 385 | Registered: Feb 2013
BlueBlueEyes
♀ Member
Member # 43949
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are all dealing with doubt and betrayal. The best advise I give myself is to step back and think a friend has told me this situation. How would I advise them? It helps me remove my own overwhelming emotion and think rationally. Good luck and be strong! And...never give up your REAL girl friends who will be with you through any crisis!


BW - 49
WH - 50
Married 30 years
Beautiful Son, Daughter and 2 Grandsons.

OW - multiple, just found out about ALL of them, Husband coming out of years of fog due to multiple childhood and military events.

Hopeful but cautious


Posts: 194 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Texas
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, I contacted an attorney.

Good job, sweetheart. Take your evidence with you.

Now, call your doc and get an appointment for an STD check.

We at SI always wish we could wave our proverbial magic wands and make all of the pain go away - for ourselves and for others - but we cannot - so we try to guide and advise when a member is overwhelmed and scared. We're with you - and will stay with you throughout all of this mess.

Regarding contacting the others - I'm hoping others will chime in here...I would say no - they will lie to you. Didn't you say that one was your mutual friend (or was that a "cover")?


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS & 20 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/15(DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5058 | Registered: May 2007
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your WH is very very sick. He is risking everything to chase an awful high--willing to throw away your family for his illness. He needs to be in serious treatment--SA, 12 steps--and you can't make him commit to that. You have no other choice but to protect yourself.

Remember that every day, even these awful ones, is the first day of the rest of your life. There is a whole other life free of him that is out there for you. It's not easy or fun to get there..but it's worth it. You're worth it. Your boys are worth it.

I hope you can call in the cavalry to support you. Don't reach out to these women--they are not your concern. Focus on the steps you need to take, and be kind to yourself.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4190 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miss Ohara, seeing a lawyer for a divorce consultation is a very good idea no matter how scary you may think it will be.

Knowledge equals power equals better decision making.
It is not better to hide your head in the sand. You'll never keep Tara if you won't help yourself.

You need to learn about divorce. YourWH is a liar and a cheat, and has endangered your health and life. I can't say it any plainer than that.

Imagree with Norabird. Sounds like a sex addict. And you cannot cure a sex addict. He needs professional help. You will be in for a long spell of heartache and anger if you try to help,him yourself. And unless he wants help, nobody can help him.

Detach as soon as possible. You cannot remain in a husband-wife relationship with him. It's simply unsafe.


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I confronted. He tried to deny until I told him I had the e-mails. I asked if there was anything else. He said no. I made him log onto his deactivated FB account. There were messages dating from 2011 to 2013 to several girls.
He broke down and told me he feels fat and just wants to be desirable. That he just talked and would never actually fool around. I know those words are straight out of the cheaters manual. I told him he needs counseling and ADs. He agreed. I told him I was still going to my consultation. He also told me he thinks he has a porn addiction. I saw on the keylogger how much he looked at before work. 12 porn movies in 40 minutes!

[This message edited by katiescarlett at 12:06 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)]


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 105 | Registered: May 2014
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(HUGS TO YOU Katie) you are in deep, this is beyond probematic and I agree 100% with others here, for the sake of the CHILDREN you must take immediate action!!! Their lives are at stake as much as yours. It will not feel safe for a while but you will find a new place and a new safety soon. I am praying to God now for you and your little ones that He will shelter you from this and provide for your every need.


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

“Whatever follows after DD is much more crucial than the infidelity action itself” Quote by SI Member Melian40

"I'm a good man, not an option" - Steppingup


Posts: 424 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
TimeToGo2014
♀ Member
Member # 43909
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, way to take control of the situation. Maybe he needs to understand you're not going to sweep his infidelities under the rug this time. Him feeling fat is a poor excuse for his poor choices. Generally speaking, people who feel fat and undesirable, change their eating habits and exercise, not get blowjobs by random men.

Posts: 76 | Registered: Jun 2014
Topic Posts: 30
Pages: 1 · 2

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