I'm sorry, but this is how it goes for our household, also.
Save that text. I'm not sure if you've been to court or not, but things like this show a pattern to the judge -- especially the lecture. Judges know that no rational person should treat the mother of their child like this.
I have learned over the last 2 years to pretend the guy I married is dead. I even asked him to take our son to school early some days so I could get promoted at work - the man lives 1/4 mile from me. You wouldn't believe all the crap I got back in a text...How I wanted custody so badly, I should have thought about that sooner, how I should talk to OW about HER picking up our son, how I should get over what happened, etc. etc.... (I've come to realize she is feeding him what he should say. She wants me to look angry, irrational, etc so he will see how "wonderful" SHE is....
The sooner you can detach from him, the better.
Next time say in the text, "You asked for first right of refusal, do you want to pick up our child?" Let him hang himself with his response..
In fact, don't respond to his text if he goes off on you... post your "dream" response here for us to enjoy!!
(((numb))) Keep Calm and Happy On!
me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day