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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Finally admitting I need help
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh...I'd reply.
"I'm sorry, who is this?"

Nope, just completely ignored him. He didn't contact me again tonight after that first message.

It's like everything in your life is going well, except for a great guy to share it all with!!!

Yup, that's where I'm at. I love everything about my life except I want to meet a great guy.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1155 | Registered: Jul 2013
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TWO places that stay open after 9?!

I seriously cannot imagine!

I know you love where you are, and that's so awesome, but I would love to see you enjoy the offerings of a bigger metro area! That's my own preference of course so I know you're entitled to your own. But do keep thinking about the options...not only for the dating scene, but just to have a few more places to go to after the witching hour! You can totally make new friends and handle the change, and it could be so exciting in so many ways!

[This message edited by norabird at 12:12 AM, July 13th (Sunday)]


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4144 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know you love where you are, and that's so awesome, but I would love to see you enjoy the offerings of a bigger metro area! That's my own preference of course so I know you're entitled to your own. But do keep thinking about the options...not only for the dating scene, but just to have a few more places to go to after the witching hour! You can totally make new friends and handle the change, and it could be so exciting in so many ways!

I went to school in a large city, and always said I was a city girl. The small town has grown on me though. I like that girls here don't dress up all slutty like to get a drink, and I like that I can go to one of our two bars without any plans to meet up with people and run into 10 people I know. I like that people go out at 8PM instead of 11PM. It's a quieter, more easy going life. I really do love it, except that I'm single.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1155 | Registered: Jul 2013
KeepOnMovin
♂ Member
Member # 38245
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also, what about any guys you graduated with. Are they on facebook, but any chance? Sometimes around 30 they begin to realize their wives are not who they thought and they are just getting divorced....
If you go this route, please use some caution. The benefit for would be you already know them, but looking back at former high school classmates who are disillusioned with their marriage i think may not find you an emotionally stable person, and could drive a wedge in a marriage that is already strained.

We all know many, MANY people get disillusioned with married/family life because wiping noses and butts, paying bills, cleaning the house, and mowing the yard aren't high on the list of fun and exciting things to do. So they look to rekindle some kind of responsibility free existence on FB.
http://www.foxnews.com/health/2010/09/16/blast-past-facebook-destroy-marriage/

STBXWW did this with OM#5. She was just giddy, in love, with a guy she barely even dated in college. He is already divorced, and he is exciting because he is a bartender. Not a boring old engineer like me. She secretly drove to met him in person once or twice and was ready to shit-can our marriage because she was so "head over heels" in love with someone she barely knew. But she wasn't in love with him, she was in love with the idea of him.

I"m sorry to get on a soapbox. Just the FB thing always kind of strikes a nerve with me.

Being 30, living in a small town with a great job and good friends isn't all bad. in fact, those things sound like items for a gratitude list. you are young, smart and sound like a great catch.

I'm 45 and I too live in a small town, and i have a great job. But there are times where all i can think about are what i don't have. and that's not the way to happiness. Being grateful for what you have is the recipe for happiness.

i either need to accept where i'm at, make a change, or plan on being miserable. I promise i won't go with option 3.

I also read about your marriage plan. Plans are great, but we need to be ready to take life as it comes, and adapt. I had the rest of my life planned out too. but that plan is up in smoke. You do have the ability to make your life what you want it to be, but be prepared to let go of some of the control you think you have.

Please, use your alone time to figure out who you are and what YOU want and need in a partner and in life in general. Doesn't sound like you need to be cleaning up somebody's mud rig, or polishing the hull on his airboat.

BE a person of value with values and you will attract the same.
I"m sure you will find the right person when the time is right.


Me: BH
Her: who cares?
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

Posts: 299 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
annanew
♀ New Member
Member # 43693
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Dating never worked out for me (I think I had too many trust issues stemming from the A) and I wanted kids, so when I was 37 I started thinking about having kids on my own. Took me a few years to implement the plan and had my daughter at 39. Now I wonder what took me so long. It's great! A daughter I adore and zero relationship hassles. If I could I would go back and do this much earlier so I would have time for more kids. I'm already 40 and the risks (of miscarriages, of Downs and other problems) rise quickly in the late 30s and 40s.

Just providing an alternative, knowing it's unlikely you'll jump on it :) All of the "single mothers by choice" I know waited until near 40 to have their babies, because it wasn't first choice for any of them. Some were successful, some were not (despite media hype - you can't have a kid at any age). A few had their babies then found relationships afterwards - in their words they were able to "relax" after having kids and not try to rush into creating a family.


Happy single mom to a sweet little girl.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: California
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was kinda teasing...every now and then I just want to let a guy know that my/your world does not revolve around them.

You are an awesome person and I want you to find a great guy!

As to the FB thing...my BFF and her H...they went to high school together but weren't in the same "crowd". A high school reunion came up, and my friend went. She said two people there mentioned that her (now H) was single. She took it as a sign, and connected with him on FB. They quickly went on a date, and now happily married 3 years. They were 40 when married, neither had been married before...they decided to not have kids.

I get the small town charm, but why not just expand and try to date in the larger area? Just see what happens?? You never know...


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4134 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you go this route, please use some caution. The benefit for would be you already know them, but looking back at former high school classmates who are disillusioned with their marriage i think may not find you an emotionally stable person, and could drive a wedge in a marriage that is already strained.

Oh no, I would never look at or talk to anyone who was still married. My rule is that you have to be divorced (legally) for a year before I will date you. I've noticed a lot of men on OLD label themselves as divorced even though they're technically just separated.

I was kinda teasing...every now and then I just want to let a guy know that my/your world does not revolve around them.
You are an awesome person and I want you to find a great guy!

Thanks I think silence sometimes gets that message across better than responding. I'm pretty sure this is a guy who is used to women just falling all over him because of his family and wealth, and I am not that girl.

I get the small town charm, but why not just expand and try to date in the larger area? Just see what happens?? You never know...

The closest city is 2 hours away. I was originally dating a guy in that city when I moved to the small town for my job, and the distance killed the relationship. I like spending a lot of time with a SO, and I felt like both of us were having to choose between each other and our friends. But ironically, I had a guy message me on OLD from a city that is 2.5 hours away this morning. He recognized one of my friends in my picture on OLD, and said that he went to law school with her. I've traded some messages with him this morning. It just doesn't seem practical to date someone who lives 2-3 hours away though.

BE a person of value with values and you will attract the same.
I"m sure you will find the right person when the time is right.

Yup, that's what my mom has always told me. I just keep waiting and waiting, and watching all my friends marry great men. I'm ready for it to happen to me!

Anna-- I may consider that when I get older. Not quite to that point yet.

[This message edited by Lonelygirl10 at 12:04 PM, July 13th (Sunday)]


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1155 | Registered: Jul 2013
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it isn't practical...but...well, to be a total romantic here...love isn't always practical. Worth a shot is all I'm saying

Early on, someone here on SI told me that *I* was the person responsible for holding my values and relationship boundaries. No one else is going to hold them for me. I've remembered that and say it over and over sometimes.

I AM a high value woman and will find a guy that thinks it is amazing.

I'm pretty sure this is a guy who is used to women just falling all over him because of his family and wealth, and I am not that girl.

^^^This is what I like to hear!


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4134 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it isn't practical...but...well, to be a total romantic here...love isn't always practical. Worth a shot is all I'm saying

We continued to talk all day back and forth on OLD. His personality seems great. He's an attorney too, and knows one of my best friends. I think he's cute in his pictures, but he's short. And he lives 2.5 hours away. He said he's coming to my area next weekend to see his parents, and asked if I wanted to meet up. I said yes. I'm not very excited about it due to the distance, but I will keep an open mind.

I just got home from work. I worked a total of 18 hours yesterday and today, and I'm buzzing with how much I love my job. I know I'll sound like a dork, but I love writing legal arguments. But, it made me think about new guy not seeing me due to working so many hours. Even though I worked 18 hours this weekend (26 if you count Friday), I still saw my friends both Friday and Saturday night. Sooooo.... working a lot isn't really a good excuse. So, I feel more confident that ending it with him was the right decision.

Now to try to turn off the brain so I can go to sleep....


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1155 | Registered: Jul 2013
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but he's short.
My Dad is short and the most awesome, dedicated person. ever. Give this guy at least 6 weeks before you discount him. The content of his character is more important than the height God made him.

And he lives 2.5 hours away.

That's not really that far. If he's making good money, there is a possiblity that he can fly to see you....


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2111 | Registered: Jan 2012
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Dad is short and the most awesome, dedicated person. ever. Give this guy at least 6 weeks before you discount him. The content of his character is more important than the height God made him.

I've tried to date guys in the past that are shorter than me, but it makes me feel insecure and unattractive. And maybe that's more on me than on them... but I usually just worry that they want to date a short skinny girl. I think I've been cheated on so much by men who go for the short skinny girls, that I prefer to be with a guy who is bigger than me so I am the short skinny girl to HIM. I like feeling smaller than the guy.

That's not really that far. If he's making good money, there is a possiblity that he can fly to see you....

Yeah... but I've already tried to date a guy who lived 2.5 hours away. If I went to see him, I missed out on seeing my friends. If he came to see me, he missed out on seeing his friends. It just got too hard. And... I require a lot of affection/attention. I ended it recently with new guy because he was only seeing me one day a week and that wasn't enough for me to feel secure.

But... he does seem really emotionally mature. He's a psychology major, and an attorney. When he said what he was looking for in a partner, it was really self-aware and not the typical response.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1155 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 31
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