Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: KingHit4Six (44888)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Is this PA behaviour...or what?
AmSoDone
♀ Member
Member # 43871
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please see my previous post (Today is DDay for current events).

I woke up tired but resigned this morning. That's it I thought - just one day at a time.

Then I looked at my phone. 1 missed call from him and a text;
'I think I can get those duty free cigarettes for you. Do you want some?'
(when he first left and I was kind of talking to him he promised me some them and it never materialised)
WTF??? What is wrong with this man? After yesterdays events what the hell would make him think I want anything from him?
A few hours later he text: 'Do you want some or not?'
Is it me or is this not odd behaviour?

I didn't respond (of course) and have no intention of talking to him again but seriously I what the hell?


BP(me) 50
WP (scumbag) 52
On-off for 32 years
1DD
1 DGD
Too many D Days to count. Same with OW.

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beware the hoover...it comes in all shapes and sizes. Keep ignoring the texts. It's a way to get ego kibbles from you. If you respond it opens the door for him to keep talking to you on some level. He gets the ciagrettes for you, then he has to bring them to you because he is so nice and all, then he needs to talk to you about something, the discussion starts...see what he did there. You are doing the right thing keep ignoring him.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 3:41 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1902 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
AmSoDone
♀ Member
Member # 43871
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, 7 I thought that. Why do they do this? He doesn't want me so why mess with my head? Its horrible.


BP(me) 50
WP (scumbag) 52
On-off for 32 years
1DD
1 DGD
Too many D Days to count. Same with OW.

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, 7 I thought that. Why do they do this? He doesn't want me so why mess with my head? Its horrible.

A) He may not want you, but he wants you to be "ok" with what he did. If you are ok and friends with him, then what he did isn't so bad.

B) He wants to not want you on his terms. That means he gets to whore around, come and go on his terms, treat you like shit, but you still let him live there, do all his laundry and look after him.

C) The "fight" didn't happen. If he ignores it, then everything will be fine.

D) All of the above.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5475 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
NoMorDeceit
♀ Member
Member # 23547
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He doesn't want you, but he doesn't want to let you go either. He wants it all. He wants to be able to use you for ego kibbles when it suits him and ignore you when it doesn't. Sorry.


FBS, been through the D marathon too.
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled... There is hope! :)


Posts: 518 | Registered: Apr 2009
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:31 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What devistatedmom said and control. It's all about control and convincing himself he's not that bad of a guy really. He just made one widdle mistake. But if wifey pays me attention it's still all good.
Continue with crickets.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2230 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 2:17 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Letting him back into your life does seem to erase his wrong in his eyes.

I made this mistake. And now he has rewritten history as well

Don't give in. Don't give him the validation, of not having done something bad, that he craves.

I am sorry you are hurting like this!!!

(((((AmSoDone))))))


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 2903 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
AmSoDone
♀ Member
Member # 43871
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Woke up to 2 more texts this morning:
ĎPlease donít cut me off, I do miss youí
ĎItís not fair we should be this way, donít ignore me pleaseí
I had to literally sit on my hands not to respond. Seriously, heís talking about fairness. FGS Ė he has done all the doing and itís not fair? I donít know. All I know is I am not going to be drawn into any kind of conversation with him. Whatís the point? Anything I have to say is just spewing out my hurt and anger, not constructive or healthy and itís not going to change anything. Thatís what made me stop and not text back today. I already told him it was done, what more is there to say. I just have to be strong now and ignore his rubbish. Iím hurting and this is so hard but I have to be strong.


BP(me) 50
WP (scumbag) 52
On-off for 32 years
1DD
1 DGD
Too many D Days to count. Same with OW.

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you strength.

Something that helped me was to write down and even share with SI, all the wrong he has done to you, all the hurt.
Then you just have to sit on your hands so you don't text back in anger


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 2903 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you strength.

Something that helped me was to write down and even share with SI, all the wrong he has done to you, all the hurt.
Then you just have to sit on your hands so you don't text back in anger

[This message edited by deena at 4:24 PM, July 10th (Thursday)]


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 2903 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
AmSoDone
♀ Member
Member # 43871
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you Deena. I did exactly that today. I wrote out exactly what I wanted to text him back and I ended up with so many different versions of the same thing that I realised that I just needed to get it out and not necessarily to him. He just triggers it that's all. God this is so hard.


BP(me) 50
WP (scumbag) 52
On-off for 32 years
1DD
1 DGD
Too many D Days to count. Same with OW.

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's an asshat.

Ignore. You're just opening yourself up for trouble if you engage. Took me a long time to figure that out.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 12

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.