Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Tryin2staykewl (45320)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Running on Empty...I blew up
Scubadoo
♀ Member
Member # 43079
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure if this goes in General or Off Topic.
I know it's long I apologize.

WH and I have been married for 11 years now, together for 12. During this time I have had 2 jobs. The one I had been at for 5 years before I met him, and stayed for an additional 2 years at, until I quit to stay home with our newborn. Then when we transferred to Florida for his job I went back to work, where I worked for the last 8 years at until we moved to Georgia.

Here is the deal, during these 12 years he has changed jobs 10 times. Now mind you he has gone back and forth between 3 companies at least twice. Yet, this inconsistency is driving me crazy!!! He has never been fired from a job, and has only quit 2 without having another job already lined up. Longest he was ever out of work was 3 weeks. Also, I was always working when he quit so there was still money coming in for bills. So the job he is at now, ( he has worked here before ) he says he hates it. He is in upper management and 4th from the top, yet one of the other managers seems to think he is the boss. Two other long term employees at this company have been fired for literally punching this guy. One was an engineer who had been at the company for 27 years. So needless to say the consensus is this guy is an asshole. The company won't get rid of him because he owes so much money (1.4 million) and he basically works for free. He only gets to keep 22% of his paycheck.
My husband complains nonstop about this guy and how he is ruining the company. The guy has been told by HR to leave my husband alone, more than once. Yet nothing changes. So today I get a text from WH - I'm quitting or going to jail for punching this guy out.
I'm done. I'm sorry my compassion level for your bullshit drama at work is over. Suck it up be a man. So I call back and tell him. Fine. Just fucking quit already and get it done, we can go back to Florida where I can be the reliable one to keep a job and pay the bills as usual. I'm tired of living everyday in constant fear that you will quit and fuck every bodies lives up again. Please just keep up the constant thinking of yourself. I'll start packing now. I got no response, and he hung up on me.

Questions - Did I go to far? Do I owe him an apology? Should I have handled it differently?

I feel bad about going off on him, but I'm so tired of the drama.


BS (me) 42
WS (him) 48
OW (downgrade) 48
Married 11 yrs
DS 9
DD 8
D-day 10/27/13
8mth

Posts: 105 | Registered: Apr 2014
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will say it should have been handled differently, however, after dealing with all that I probably would have lost it, too.

Why does he jump jobs like that so often? What is making him miserable? Is it the industry he's in? He needs to figure this stuff out or he's never going to be happy with anything.

Sending strength and (((hugs)))

[This message edited by simplydevastated at 10:22 AM, July 10th (Thursday)]


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Sunnydaysahead
♀ Member
Member # 43756
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No matter how we respond to a situation when we are angry, frustrated etc....there is probably always a better way to respond. However, that doesn't mean your response was wrong. Perhaps it was a wake up call your husband needed.

It sounds like you have had quite a bit of upheaval through the years. Changing jobs 10 times in 12 years is A lot to deal with, I can imagine your frustration!! Perhaps your husband can figure out why he feels the need to switch companies so often...sounds like there is a story there....

Best of luck!!!


Posts: 63 | Registered: Jun 2014
imagoodwitch
♀ Member
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm done. I'm sorry my compassion level for your bullshit drama at work is over. Suck it up be a man. So I call back and tell him. Fine. Just fucking quit already and get it done, we can go back to Florida where I can be the reliable one to keep a job and pay the bills as usual. I'm tired of living everyday in constant fear that you will quit and fuck every bodies lives up again. Please just keep up the constant thinking of yourself. I'll start packing now. I got no response, and he hung up on me.

Bravo!

I feel your pain, my husband has had 7 jobs in less than 7 years, none with the same company and is actively looking for a new one as we speak!

In my family, we place bets on how long it will be after he starts a new job and when the bitching starts. This current job, I won, I said a month. Yes, a month after starting a new job that he was so eager about and loved everything about the company, he started bitching.

I on the other hand am getting ready to celebrate 5 years at my job.

I don't think you owe him an apology, could you have worded it better, maybe, but I think the point would have been missed.

My WH is 50 and unfortunately job seeking gets tougher the older you get, especially when you expect 6 figures and your resume looks like a roadie's.


I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.


Posts: 5431 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
FrmrBH80124
♂ Member
Member # 42967
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your H needs to grow a pair and man up. He is acting like a self-centered, spoiled 2 year-old! He has responsibilities to you and your family and punching out someone is not the proper way to handle things!

You had every right to go off on him given his job history. That was just an idiotic thing for him to do!!!!

Don't feel bad or sorry for him. I know he is thinking you should be supportive for him no matter what he does. I agree that you should support him but not when he is punching some dude out! And at work no less!!!

Here's what he should have done.... talk to the top 3 people and tell them that this situation is unacceptable. Either it changes or attorneys will become involved. If he can't or wont' do that, then quit like a professional. That is how you handle the situation like an adult.


ME - BH 45
Her - XWS 30
D - April 2010 - never looked back and good riddance.
Happily remarried!

Though much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days
moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are


Posts: 181 | Registered: Apr 2014
Scubadoo
♀ Member
Member # 43079
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh well. This is just fucking great. Guess there is a first for everything. He just got fired.


BS (me) 42
WS (him) 48
OW (downgrade) 48
Married 11 yrs
DS 9
DD 8
D-day 10/27/13
8mth

Posts: 105 | Registered: Apr 2014
Sunnydaysahead
♀ Member
Member # 43756
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Scubadoo))

I am so very sorry for you!! Sending good thoughts your way.


Posts: 63 | Registered: Jun 2014
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's what he should have done.... talk to the top 3 people and tell them that this situation is unacceptable. Either it changes or attorneys will become involved. If he can't or wont' do that, then quit like a professional. That is how you handle the situation like an adult.

I'd add that handling it like an adult involves lining another job up before resigning.

I know what it's like to have a soul-crushing job. I resigned from one this morning. I did it in a way that burned absolutely no bridges; the professional world is small enough that you never know when someone you leave behind will be behind the desk interviewing you. It's a small world.

Trac-Fone is a serial job-leaver/loser, too.

For many years, he was able to disguise his frequent career moves as moving up the ladder. Each successive employer, for a time, viewed him as a great asset to add to their roster.

But after a certain age, it became apparent that he just is never content, no matter what he has. His response? Walk away from it all. (And this extended to his personal life, eventually, too.)

It's not just about the difficult boss, or obnoxious coworkers. Grownups learn to deal with those.

The question that needs answering is why your husband has had so many jobs in so few years. That's something that requires close examination. What is he looking for, that he's unable to find? I would wager it's something internal, rather than external.

The stress this job insecurity places on marriage is enormous.

And it can cost a career. After enough mobility, prospective employers no longer see someone climbing the ladder, but see what is really there: a professional malcontent. And then, the offers stop coming in. Just ask Trac-Fone.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8829 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
imagoodwitch
♀ Member
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG!

I have been there as well! 2 out of the 7 he was fired from.

Don't let him wallow and have a pity party, his job now needs to be finding a job.

((Scubadoo))


I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.


Posts: 5431 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
MissMouseMo
♀ Member
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I would be infinitely tired of the drama, too. What you describe is wearying in the extreme. No one should have to deal with it.

But you asked so I will say that there are healthier ways to have responded. If you'll look up John Gottman's work you'll find what he calls the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse (or some such) in terms of dooming marriage - and one of them is sarcasm.

IF you want to repair this marriage, communication is going to be a key component, and sarcasm is divisive and corrosive.

And it makes you sound like someone I imagine you don't want to be.

I have noticed that we humans are a funny lot and we seem to feel virtuous for holding it in and holding it in, then we allow ourselves to explode - rather than being genuine and asking (or telling!) people what we want / need / expect. It feels vulnerable, whereas yelling *feels* powerful (when I think it's really *allowing* ourselves to be out of control).

For your own sanity, though, you might begin flexing your courage-in-blunt-truth muscles. If your marriage is a mess, what have you got to lose by being honest? Tell him you're hoppin' mad and you don't want to be the sole breadwinner and you expect him to keep a job! He's a big boy and if they truth kills your marriage, what marriage did you have?

I hope I haven't spoken too un-gently. Your feelings are valid - you have the right to express yourself.

Sending hugs, too.


It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal

Posts: 346 | Registered: Feb 2013
Scubadoo
♀ Member
Member # 43079
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you MissMouseMo. I really appreciate your answer. I will try to look up John Gottman. Lately it feels like sarcasm is my new best friend. It's crazy. It's just been here recently that I have started real bad. We are 8 months out so maybe I'm just passing through the anger stage. Hopefully I can put a filter in between my brain and mouth for a little while.

Anyway I guess I will be real busy though, I made a call and my old company is dying to have me back, so at least I will have a job.

Back to Florida we go. Back to the state of the affair. I want to puke.


BS (me) 42
WS (him) 48
OW (downgrade) 48
Married 11 yrs
DS 9
DD 8
D-day 10/27/13
8mth

Posts: 105 | Registered: Apr 2014
lynnm1947
♀ Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a relative by marriage like that. We are all convinced she is BPD, though! She gets all excited about a new job, yet two months in she's not only complaining, she's telling them how they should be running their shop when she basically knows nothing about it. Needless to say, the only jobs she hasn't been fired from are the ones she quit just before she was fired!


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7278 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
MissMouseMo
♀ Member
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 1:34 AM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Scuba, I have a sneaking suspicion you're going to do real fine. I can just feel it.

It may take a while, but I'm just sitting here real happy for you for some reason. You're going to make it. I just know it.

(reeeeeal sorry if you read this at a tough time...if you have to, come back later so you can feel it when it's good. I have no idea why I'm feeling this cockeyed optimism for you but I hope it rubs off to you, too!)


It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal

Posts: 346 | Registered: Feb 2013
mamazen
♀ Member
Member # 42137
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He sounds like he has a Personality Disorder. It's difficult to be in a relationship with these people. Congratulations for growing some balls. You did nothing wrong, IMO. He probably needed that and more for a long time. Hugs to you, because you have a difficult road ahead if you choose to stay with him. *Big* hugs.


mamazen


me 56
WH 57
married 19 years
separated since 8/2013
D FINAL! Sept 10 2014
D-day Dec 21 2013 (after separation)
2 sons 15 and 12
OW = family friend and WH work colleague, going on many years (I was clueless)


Posts: 71 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: canada
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did he do something to purposely get fired?


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Topic Posts: 15

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.