I feel the same way.
Certainly if I'm a mess all the time my BW isn't going to want to be around me.
The only problem with this is if you look TOO good and repress TOO much so as to not being the mess, BS will think you are not affected at all. I have had to deal with this issue. She thinks I'm glossing over everything because I have found a semblance of peace and clarity in my actions, and am working on changing myself to be the person I want to be.
It's a fine line.Me: WH (49)
Her: BW (48)
DDay 1: June 9, 2014
DDay 2: June 23, 2014
Married: 19 Years
Currently living apart, unsure of reconciliation. In IC.