atreides, yes, it was agreed many times that she would tell me about contact, etc. She continued to use the excuse that she was afraid I'd call him or his wife, but I made that promise and I kept it. Now it's total transparency, no negotiation. I still haven't decided if I'm leaving or not, but she knows I'm at the very edge of ending it. She is finally saying things like she wants me to say what I feel and she'll listen. It's the actions that are key!
She finally told me he sent her an email...asking a work question as he's coming to town with other colllwagues for work. I said I can't wait to meet him so she freaked out about the comment and that I will confront him with everyone there. I calmly said I wouldn't do that...I'd make sure he was alone! :) I just hope my old wrestling moves are not far away!!
We have MC tomorrow and then I'm away for work for a night. We'll see how the session goes, although I'm sure the 90 minutes will go quickly!
Will keep you updated...and thanks for all the advice and feedback!