Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Nexttome (45693)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: am i being overly sensative
cant believe
♀ Member
Member # 12724
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my husband had an affair in 8/2005... His affair partner exposed an earlier affair in 1999. lately I'm becoming more and more nervous that something is up. The calls on his way to and from work have ended. He's called either me or someone he's close to since he first got a mobile phone years and years ago on his commute. He's purchased new clothes - on his on. Last two affairs he just asked me to shop, but he's actually gone himself. The first time in our 25 year marriage. He's becoming more aggressive and irritable. Calls on his cell phone are being deleted. I can verify this since it's a "work phone" so I can't reconcile to online stats but he always talks to someone when he drives and it's not happening.

Any chance I'm just paranoid?

Help I'm feeling so nervous....

Can't Believe


BS 40
FWS 44

true to yourself, with a sense of grace and style no matter what you encounter.


Posts: 185 | Registered: Nov 2006
ncharge
♀ Member
Member # 42365
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trust your gut. If you think something is going on, it probably is.

Posts: 117 | Registered: Feb 2014
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not being paranoid and you know you are not. After DDay those are glaring red flags... before DDay we brush them aside as "paranoia". Listen to your gut. Trust yourself.

((Can't believe)) Believe yourself.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 809 | Registered: Jul 2013
needfriendshere
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not being paranoid. Those are indeed red flags. Do you feel comfortable enough to just come out and ask him what is up? For me, your 2 biggest red flags are deleting phone messages and his irritable behavior toward you. Ask him why he is deleting messages? And tell him he is behaving like he did when he was having an A and to just be honest with you because you think it's happening anyway! And if he insists he is not seeing anyone (even as an EA) then ask him again why is deleting phone messages? Remind him that any conversation he has that you would not be comfortable seeing is inappropriate.
Good luck!! (((cantbelieve)))


Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 445 | Registered: May 2014
cant believe
♀ Member
Member # 12724
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he is having another affair and I let him know I'm suspicious, won't that just make him be more creative and hide more details? It's been almost 9 years since then last and 15 years since the first. We've done so well for so many years, to this point...


BS 40
FWS 44

true to yourself, with a sense of grace and style no matter what you encounter.


Posts: 185 | Registered: Nov 2006
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, if this were me, I would not confront him after having had 2 DDays already. I would 180 him and go into stealth mode. I would probably ask a close friend to follow him. VAR in car for sure. If he was having an A, I would divorce him. If he were dancing around the idea of having an A I would divorce him. If he were deleting texts and getting new outfits and being irritable with me, I would be looking for proof of A so that I could protect myself in the eventual D. That's just me.

You registered in 2006. You already know what this road is like - and so does your WH. Transparency is essential after an A, and he is not giving you that. What possible honourable reason could he have for deleting texts that would be worth risking your emotional security and trust in him? You have to love yourself and respect yourself enough to trust and protect yourself. I am so sorry you are in this place again.

I know on my WHs iPhone there was an option in settings to have all his texts forwarded to an email address. I didn't do that, but I should have.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 809 | Registered: Jul 2013
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not being paranoid you are being AWARE.

You know your H better than anyone, probably even himself.

How is your marriage? Do you communicate?

How did you make it through the affair? IC or MC?

Any remorse on your H part?

Look for patterns of behavior and what do you have to lose by asking "you seem different, like something is wrong...can we talk?"

Good luck. Follow your gut.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1279 | Registered: Apr 2013
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he is on the phone, then I'd put a VAR in his car and stay quiet. Go into stealth mode.

Sorry though. Ugh.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6632 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 8

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.