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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Lies I told myself about my AP
Wayflost
♀ Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

pizzalover- my BH recently told me that he thinks we are your relationship-doppelgangers.

And, I believe he is correct that we have many similarities in our stories.

This post has really hit me. I also want to say a quick thank you to FRM for constantly pushing all of us here to think.

I have done such terrible things. The guilt really gets me down sometimes. This weekend BH and I were clipping our dog's nails, and I accidentally cut one too far back. My dog cried out and it started bleeding immediately. I almost hyperventilated. BH tried to comfort me and all I could say was, "I don't want to hurt anyone any more."

Of course, I was thinking about the pain I caused him.


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.


Posts: 410 | Registered: Dec 2013
PrtyInPink
♀ Member
Member # 44148
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I don't want to hurt anyone any more."

I totally feel your pain (and your poor dog's pain too!!) I too felt the same way, not wanting to hurt anyone anymore. I felt like a complete failure for so long after I hurt BH. But I also felt like I was a failure to my kids too.

And yes, I think we all tell ourselves the same stupid lies to make whatever we are doing seem better.


Me: 30ish Him: 30ish (99% sure he has NPD)
Together 14 yrs, Married 9 yrs
His #1 EA D-day 10/20/09
His #2 PA/EA D-day 7/11/14
My PA D-day 10/21/09
My brain says leave, my heart says stay

Posts: 298 | Registered: Jul 2014
finallyfree2011
♀ Member
Member # 37998
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

10) He had such great friends


Ding Ding Ding...

This is so me. I thought xap was so popular and had the coolest and best friends.

Sadly I was so mistaken because all his friends were fake and he didn't even get along with his own family members.

My BH on the other hand was well respected in our church and loved by so many people.

Dang I was such an idiot. How do we become so blind to the faults of our APs?


Me - WS
H - BH

D day - July 2011 after a 4 year relationship with OM

Reconciled and renewed our vows on our 22 Anniversary in June 2012


Posts: 64 | Registered: Jan 2013
pizzalover
♀ Member
Member # 38336
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FRM, thanks as usual for your insight. I shared your comments in our MC and my BH agreed that a lot of them make sense. It still doesn't really help explain my actions though. Thanks for not thinking I'm a monster.

pizzalover- my BH recently told me that he thinks we are your relationship-doppelgangers.
And, I believe he is correct that we have many similarities in our stories.

Wayflost, very interesting!

And yes, I think we all tell ourselves the same stupid lies to make whatever we are doing seem better.

I don't want to do this anymore.


Trying to rebuild each day

Me - WW 39
Him - BH 40 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - sweet cats

Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
D-Day - 1/24/13
Affair started 5/09


Posts: 487 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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