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Newest Member: jobin (44908)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Old Causing Triggers of Mil
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's the strangest thing.

I went on OLD finally, mostly for some ego boost because I've been down so low-I know, shallow-but where I live there's not really anyone to meet except at the nursing home or bus stop.

So anyway...

Most of the experience has been getting to the "ask out" stage and then they poof. There've been some really interesting contenders and some, well, not so.

The problem is the other day I started having flashbacks of my mother in law and it's very, very weird. Weirding me out.

I remember the day she died vividly of late, because of the 50 IL's I had, I was the only person in the room with her...the nurses stepped out to change the whatevers in the room.

I think I'm searching for more letting go or for her permission or something? No one else has come to mind in the whole group, in this way, but her. We loved each other and I will confess, Perv is the youngest of 15-yes, I was married to the youngest of 15 kids. That's not a short order, though I was the tallest in the short group of SIL's.

Apologies for the ramble anyway...

I wonder if this will go away if I stop looking or if I plod on? Usually with high anxiety -I think this is, knowing me-it will go away. Like when I started back to school, the panic attacks left after a few grades came back.

I thought maybe writing it out would help and any feedback is great. I see her in my mind and her voice is clear, memories of her, that is.

Thanks.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd say plod on and see if the memories fade. I think dating again, or at least exploring the idea of dating, can trigger some strange memories...your mind's way of "keeping you safe"...

(((ashland13)))


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3127 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
worried_lady
♀ Member
Member # 27605
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe it is a message that she would approve of you moving forward with your life.


Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly.

Posts: 461 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Texas
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

eh... you're thinking to hard Ash. You have so many scars from everything you've been through I understand it's hard not to incorporate them into your dating life, but that's all it is that you're really doing...you're thinking to hard.

Knock it off and set yourself free.

yop


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2054 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Topic Posts: 4

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