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User Topic: Care to Share what you Did Right?
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What did I do right on D-day and after?
I didn't kill him


As for me:

I never begged.

I told WH if he didn't like life with me he could leave.

I was 100% willing to give up my M if WH was not willing to give 200% to fix it.

ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2134 | Registered: Nov 2011
♂ Member
Member # 40879
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sensed something was going on but did not know that my WW was having a long distance EA which turned into a weekend PA. I would have never known had she not came to me and confessed a week after her trip. As most others, I did many things wrong but there were a few things that I did right. Having never dealt with infidelity, I had no idea what was right or wrong in the immediate aftermath.
1) Insisted on NC immediately which should have been done in a written form but she did it through a phone call. She swore she was committed to NC but I found that she was lying and still sending texts and had set up a secret email account.
2) Exposed the OM with a phone call to his parents who were friends of my in-laws. The OM's father was shocked and embarrassed and immediately called his son and blasted him. Within minutes, the OM texted my WW and blasted her for telling me about their dirty little secret. A's don't do well when one AP blasts the other. The result was that my WW no longer believed the OM was such a great guy and she began her journey back into reality. The A was snuffed out with one phone call to the OM's father. Exposure works.

Posts: 268 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ Member
Member # 22028
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't do anything right! I was in such shock and numb. We did start counseling (he made the effort to find one) and we started right away. Slowly we got better and I thought we'd be okay. Then I found some information that I needed clarification on. He came home from work and I asked him when was the last time he saw her. He very calmly responded "This afternoon, I met her for drinks". I went ballistic and threw everything I had learned from this site at him. It must have scared the shit out of him, because he cancelled his out of town trip (business) and made an appointment with our priest. I just wish I had known about this site before I needed it.

Me: BS (58)
Him: WS (59)
LTA 4 years with co-worker
Married 29 years
D-day1 5/08
D-day2 11/08
Status: 6 yrs and wondering if I'll ever be truly happy again

Posts: 1071 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: DFW
♀ Member
Member # 42972
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After DDay I never spoke to him again. He had someone else anyways.. all the other times he would hurt me and leave me I would speak to him and let him lurk back... though I had and dont have closure I also dont want to speak to someoen so demented that I trusted...

7 years together
no children

OW was his ex he always convinced was his friend .. moved in her and knocked her up , got together behind my back

Ddays : many in 2009 and 2010
final dday : Sept 2012 after being broken up 3 w

Posts: 73 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: CA
♀ New Member
Member # 42718
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did so many, many things wrong but I did do a few things right:

Insisted on N/C (he had a different cell phone I didn't know about that he didn't cancel until two weeks later)
Transferred house to my name - he agreed.
Changed my will and left him out.
Already had pre nup.
Took my money out of bank acct and put in my name only.
Told him I would leave if he saw her again.
He was afraid of who I might tell since everyone thought he was such a great guy in a perfect marriage - Me included. I was in total shock when her fiancée called me.

BS - 61
WH - 67
Married 18 years
In R
6 grown children between us

Her - 3 yr affair w Asian massage girl barely speaks English only has affairs with committed or married men. Scams all of them.
We are in R Who is this man?

Posts: 14 | Registered: Mar 2014
million tears
♀ Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did nothing right immediately after the A. I figured this out after I joined SI. A few months after the A, he said he wanted an in-house separation. The A was over and I think he said it because he wanted me to beg him not to do it. I didn't beg, I 180'd his ass. Shortly after I went to my mom's in another state for several weeks. I didn't call or text him and ignored his. I only spoke to the kids. After I got home it was a whole new ballgame.

Now, with recent events I am this close to kicking him to the curb. I would have never had the guts to even think about it before.

2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.

Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
♀ Member
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*I told her BH about the A and sent him proof.
*Made him send OW a NC text.
*Told him to choose, no fence sitting for him.
*Bought 2 copies of "After the Affair", one for him one for me.

It was a good couple of days! Then shit went all to hell and I fell apart but I came out of the gate strong!

I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.

Posts: 5481 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
♀ Member
Member # 43909
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a great thread that I will be reading thoroughly as I go through my situation!! Helpful info!

Posts: 117 | Registered: Jun 2014
♂ Member
Member # 32820
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't become aware of this site until well after DD1. Most of what I did without the benefit of this site was wrong, but the right included:

1 Not resorting to physical violence. OM was a cop in my town and was looking for any reason to have me arrested. Luckily, I didn't resort to violence during my period of suspicion but prior to confirming A and identity of OM; and

2. Not resorting to drinking. I was heavy drinker during teenage and college years, but scaled way, way back over the years, especially after birth of first child. I could have easily reverted back, but consciously decided not to.

Posts: 134 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New Jersey
Topic Posts: 49
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