Check out the Healing Library...
I'm sure other members will be along presently with some sound advice for you... hang in there, we are here for you.
[This message edited by Want To Wake Up at 4:15 PM, July 12th (Saturday)]
One man’s “fruitless conflict” is another man’s “meaningful discussion”
My WW also betrayed me around our marriage.
I am so sorry you are here. Hang in there.
As you know, his denials in the face of what you saw are worse than meaningless. I would consider getting a. Keylogger or a VAR or a tracking device on his car if you feel you need to gather proof and confronting is only getting you a stonewall. Take some steps to protect yourself and maybe even secretly consult with an attorney.
I am sure you want to save what was supposed to be the start of a beautiful new family--sadly some people deceive us about who they are, whether from shame or pathology. It could be that he is a SA; it could just be that he is wired to not have empathy and that you've been taken in. No matter what it's awful! Please take care of yourself. Try to be strategic if you can so that you can figure out what you are actually dealing with.
Hugs and strength honey.
You are too newly married for this to happen. Check out annulment options only AFTER you lawyer up and check out his responsibilities toward the baby. Clearly, this man is a lemon. I am SO sorry for your pain.
I am sorry for being so harsh...but if you put more time into him, he will only waste more of your life and your child's and you will end up having to break ties with him down the road.
Huge hugs and mojo
47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.
What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that
My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23
You need to go into investigative mode to make sure you know the whole truth. Put a keylogger on his computer and quietly watch. This is your life and you need to know what is going on in it.
I am sorry but I think he is meeting up with men and women and keeping it from you. Please take care of yourself and your baby. Make sure you are eating and drink plenty of water. My heart goes out to you.
Do the above with the idea in mind that your WH won't be there living with you..
It may be easier assembling this kind of support and making yourself ready to walk away NOW vs 5-10 years down the road... The more the years fly by, the bigger a root ball there is to untangle..
If I were a pastor or counselor advising young couples, I would encourage both partners to be independent ENOUGH from each other financially and socially so that walking away from a marriage they are about to undertake is always immediately possible for the rest of their lives..
For a marriage to be good, both partners need to be there for each other physically and emotionally,and of course love, attraction and trust needs to be there.. But this can be done from a position of strength...This strength is what keeps one partner from controlling the other partner..
Any kind of A nukes the hell out of a marriage or relationship and it is hard to R or repair the relationship in the aftermath of infidelity..Many times it is not possible to rebuild to a healthy relationship after an A is discovered..Especially if the WS tries to blame shift, or takes R ( if it is offered ) for granted..
I think R goes better when both people WANT to R and neither person feels stuck in the marriage..
Continue stealth mode to investigate what your WH is up to and take good care of your physical and mental health..Focus on you and what makes you feel better...Let your WH take care of himself and do the heavy lifting of fixing this...
[This message edited by doggiediva at 9:03 AM, July 13th (Sunday)]
I forgive my husband and put my head in the sand, mostly because I loved him and wanted to believe him, so I did. I later discovered he was a SA (sex addict).6 children and 19 years later I finally got the courage to divorce him. He destroyed my soul in the process. I know this is an awful time to find out about your husband, especially whilst expecting your first child. There are few things worse.
But please, please, please don't do what I did. Your husband has e-mails showing he is wanting to meet up with multiple different partners and he is lying to you about it. He's not owning his shit. This most likely has been going on for some time, probably whilst you were dating.
I know it doesn't seem like it, but its actually a blessing to find out early, before you had too much invested. I am so sorry you find yourself here. I know its not fun, or fair, or OK. Please consider confiding in a trusted friend. It can help you so much having someone who is on your side that can help you through. You shouldn't have to be putting on a brave face for others at this time.
Sometimes I hear my voice, and it's been here, silent all these years. I've been here, silent all these years.
And why, why, why would you offer him the option to stay with you in a sham marriage? You can't be afraid of losing him. Quite frankly losing him would be a gift compared to staying with him for the outside world and letting him betray you and indulge all his sick needs. I'm not saying that opposite sex attraction itself is bad--but hiding your identity, lying to someone who trusts you, is toxic behavior.
You both need IC, you should consult with a lawyer as well about your rights and please try to practice the 180.
If you can I would not let on that you are in Detective mode' as you don't want him to catch on and become better at hiding information. Print out anything you find and put in a safe place. WS are good at deleting incriminating content.
More importantly, please take care of yourself. If you find yourself becoming overwhelmed or if its too much, please stop and rest. The most important thing right now is the health of your baby and you. Most BS's loose weight and some become dehydrated in the first few months, so please make sure you are eating well and drinking plenty. I know there isn't a worst time to be going through this.