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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I'm feeling very lonely
HeBrokeVows
♀ Member
Member # 43252
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm about 4 months out from dday and I feel very lonely this weekend. I think this is the first weekend where I didn't have something social to do. My kids and I have been very busy this summer. But lately the phone calls from friends and family have slowed down. I know I have them as a huge support but since they know I'm "doing better" I feel they don't check in as much. Doing better means I'm no longer crying and sick to my stomach all day. I actually shower and have begun to put myself together. But I ache on the inside. I had a mom night out with some friends Thursday and I hit a rough patch. I've been in a funk since. Great support but where are they now? I had lunch with my brother today when the kids were on visitation with WH. But that's it. Took kids bowling and to the pool yesterday and out to dinner with them. Tonight shopping and out to dinner. I just had to get out.

What does my future hold? How to get a social life back? All my nights out with my friends are week nights. It's like weekends are with their husbands and couples nights. This is tough. How so I creaet a social life for myself?


Dday March 12, 2014. Found out my husband of almost 10 years was having an affair, first emotional then physical for 6 months.

Posts: 362 | Registered: Apr 2014
Chippednotbroken
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm lonely too. My ex doesn't take our kids so I don't have nights or weekends. It's me and them. Constantly. Only adult interaction is at work.
I think you have to get comfortable going out by yourself and starting conversations. Join clubs, gardening, hiking, books, church. Easier said then done. Or get a hobby you can do by yourself. Do everything you didn't do while married because he didn't like it.


Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 303 | Registered: Aug 2013
minniegal
♀ Member
Member # 43848
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm realizing that all of my friends are married with kids of all ages. So yes - it's the same here. Any of my friends that I have made plans with on weekends were friends with both of us - and I think they are having a hard time making the adjustment too.

It's becoming obvious that I need some "single" friends. People I can call for a chat or stop in for a glass of wine on a Saturday night or a lunch out when I'm going a bit stir crazy. So now it's time to figure out how/when/where to put myself out there to make some new friends. I know I need to upgrade some computer skills to get back into the working world so I guess I'll start with some night classes. And maybe next will be a new hobby? not sure...but it's kind of up to me to stick my neck out and see what's out there. I'm quite shy so this will be tough but I know it's good for me long term. More friends is always a good thing right?


Me (BW) 43
Him (WH) 43
Two great boys - 16 and 13
April 1st - the coward told my friend he was "unhappy"
April 12 - I discovered the truth
Separated and on the way to divorce

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jun 2014
Chippednotbroken
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Meetup.com
Saw it in a different thread. Looks nice. Groups of people with similar interests.


Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 303 | Registered: Aug 2013
HeBrokeVows
♀ Member
Member # 43252
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. Weekenights I'm ok because I usually have something going on during the week. But weekends are tough. WH and I used to do date nights every other week and we did family stuff all weekend long. Meetup is a great idea. Thanks


Dday March 12, 2014. Found out my husband of almost 10 years was having an affair, first emotional then physical for 6 months.

Posts: 362 | Registered: Apr 2014
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely meetup and let us know how it goes!

Now that you are coming somewhat back to normal (I totally get what you mean about that stage where you are no longer falling part, but still aching), it will be the next step in your NB.

In the meantime, use these down times to pamper yourself and to get reacquainted with your own company. You may be surprised at how pleasant it can be!!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4172 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
LearningToRun
♀ Member
Member # 31353
Default  Posted: 1:10 AM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Meetup was a lifesaver. Join lots of groups till you find one you click with

Posts: 261 | Registered: Feb 2011
Topic Posts: 7

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