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User Topic: Dday 2 .....the sequel sucks
Kattc
New Member
Member # 42122
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Really need some advice on how to deal with Dday2. First Dday I was overwhelmed with sadness and just wanted to fix things. Now it's almost a year later and I find out they hooked back up in January ...... Now I'm mad!!!!! We are now separated but he wants to reconcile. He says it's over but how can I ever trust him again? I still love him and miss him terribly.
Would love some insight on how others overcame the anger and was able to let WH back into their hearts.

Posts: 17 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Canada
hardtimesinlife
♀ Member
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Katt.
I never did get past it, truthfully.
Hugs.


Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6154 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
tl502
♀ Member
Member # 42607
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know what it is about those 2nd dd, they're trust killers for sure. I'm not sure how to get past it either. The disrespect of it was overwhelming. Our R is, going pretty well these days, 1 year, and 4months post dd2, but something definitely died that day.


Married 30 yrs.
dd1 9/10/2011 ea/pa
DD2 3/25/2013 same ow, never stopped email and phone contact.
Putting the past behind us and moving forward together

Posts: 369 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: tl502
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:01 AM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is he willing to show transparency? To do IC?

Trust does not and should not come back unless he is walking the walk. Words are empty and you've learned tang you need to protect yourself, so don't feel bad for doing so. You are allowed to have boundaries and requirements before even thinking about another chance.

(((((& strength)))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Flourgirl
♀ Member
Member # 40937
Default  Posted: 2:01 AM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(Kattc) I'm sorry your world is blown up again. I wish I had some advice for you. I haven't figured that out yet.


BS me 39
WH him 40
Dd 7/1/13. TT 7/22/13
SAHM with 4 wonderful kids

Posts: 190 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Kansas City
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:59 AM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So DD1 was a year ago and you just found out there was contact in Jan? How did you find out, did he tell you? I think that has a part in deciding. If he was having a heart to heart talk with you, then confessed, I would say is different than if he
hid it from you and you found out on your own. If its the latter, then I would be suspicious of more than 1 hook up.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5238 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 5:26 AM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, the sequel REALLY sucks!

My WH took his A underground while we both were attending IC and MC after Dday 1.

I was working on R and he was faking it - I am not sure I can get over this compounded betrayal.
Our MC was 'shocked' when I informed him we were quitting MC and why.

So, now we wait. Both back in IC, waiting to resume MC. Now my WH is "all in", but I have no feelings for him....the shoe is on the other foot.

So, I have no advice for you about overcoming the anger. My IC says the anger is better than indifference.


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 526 | Registered: Nov 2013
Kattc
New Member
Member # 42122
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ostrich80......no he did not come to me with the info, I found out by chatting with his coworkers that they were still together.

Here is some background info.... They work together and have known each other for 15 years. When the first Dday happened they were both committed to making things work with their spouses. We went to MC and he went to IC. Then he said the IC was to overwhelming and quit. By January we quit MC too.

Things were rough between us because I was having a hard time with affair season and he wanted to forget it all and move on. So he turned to her for comfort . She wanted to leave her husband for him but he finally realized it was just escapism and broke it off in May .

At the end of June their was a staff party, the spouses were invited and I was determined to go. I am very close to his staff and have known most of them over 10yrs. I was not planning on grilling anyone about the two of them I just wanted to have a good time. But people were acting funny and throwing hints they knew something had transpired between my WH and OW. After a few drinks I got the guts to ask one of the women what she knew. She started talking about stuff about these last couple months not last year! I was in shock! What a fool I was! How could I have let someone lie to me everyday ! He has destroyed me!

He is now saying he still loves me and will do anything to fix it. But I just don't know if I can get past it.


Posts: 17 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Canada
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for this.

My wh and I are separated also since dday 2. He claims to love me now and says he will do anything.

He says the words but there are no actions.

You don't need to make any decisions yet. Give yourself time to digest. It is up to him to show you that he is trustworthy and committed. The only thing you need to do right now is care for yourself.

I think that after a second dday it changes everything even more. It feels so deliberate, so callous. I think, at least for me, the effort on the part of the wayward would have to be enormous, consistent, over a very long period of time.

A very long period of time.

Be strong, you can do this.


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced!


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
heme
♀ Member
Member # 40684
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ive felt completely numb since the second DDay. I can't get myself to make a decision about anything.


BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September

Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.


Posts: 205 | Registered: Sep 2013
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If they still work together, I don't know how you will get past it, especially since there was a DD2. Plus everyone at his job knows too...geez I would find that very difficult. Any chance he can find another job?


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5238 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 11

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