[This message edited by whymewhyus at 6:07 AM, July 14th (Monday)]
How do I act like I don't care but still do the things to make sure he isn't slipping up?
In my "180", I completely stopped doing "the things", and placed the entire responsibility for the conduct of my fWW's life upon her. Where it belonged in the first place.
I recognized that I could not "control" her to keep her faithful. That if she was going to cheat, she would find a way, I could neither build the castle wall high enough, nor the moat wide enough, to keep her inside.
How does it work living together and sleeping together in the same bed?
In my "180", I did not sleep in the same bed.
He even tells me I am too co dependent on him. Sadly, it's true.
Yes, and you must change that if you want your marriage to "work".
The fact is, it may not "work" anyway, even if you do "180". Mine didn't. But I stopped being hurt by her constant rejection.
The 180 works, it does. The reaction my WS had to the 180 was instantaneous. If you think about it, either way the 180 works, why?
If they stay and change it works.
If they go and you are getting healthier and more emotionally centered through it saves you agony.
Trust in it. Be positive and happy even if you dont feel that why (yes you have to be an actor, as we all do)..
The hardest thing for me was conversation as I dont want to talk to people that piss me off. I can look content but I dont want to talk to her when I'm upset, so I have to force conversation and look interested in the things she talks about when I dont want to.
Good luck and God Bless you.
"If you are a side dish, and you become their spouse, just remember, the side dish position is open again" - Foolme1