How do I fix this?
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
I want to be the guy she fell in love with.
so wanting to be the guy that she fell in love with is not good enough. You are going to need to strive to be a whole lot better than "that guy"
Yes I am. She wants me to get tested for STD, and I will. Also check in with her via email every two hours while I am at home. Stay on SI.
"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"
ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)
I do not PM with Women
And no, those are just the ground floor rules. There is so much more, and more that is unspoken.
[This message edited by SorryInSac at 6:38 PM, July 16th (Wednesday)]
"I was feeling down, and angry with myself for loosing my job. Putting us in a financial crisis. I thought I felt resentment from her."
After writing that, I did not feel it was right, I was already making excuses and pointing a finger.
I have answered it, read what I wrote, and realized I was still being defensive. I will be digging deeper and giving the correct answer.
This is going to happen over and over for you. As it has for many of us. Your brokenness is like an onion. every layer may be a true feeling or statement. but as you realize these things, ask yourself why.
"I was feeling down, and angry with myself for loosing my job. Putting us in a financial crisis.
so to get started, why were you angry with yourself for losing your job?
one night I paid the price for that. Lost my tempter, lost my job.
so now you have to dig deeper. you were not really angry with yourself for losing your job. You were more likely angry with yourself for losing your temper. then that brings you to the next why. why do you lose your temper? Lack of self control? you are here so that is an obvious one. There is unhealed anger inside you. So where did that come from? Not expressing emotions and feelings maybe? If that is the case then why don't you?
I thought I felt resentment from her
You felt resentment from her? Why did you decide it was resentment. Did you talk to her about it? Was some of her actions similar to things you have experienced previously in life? WHY?
So now starts your journey. begin peeling the layers. The deeper you dig the worse the stink will be.
Now to encourage you, this will be a long process. There may be times (As I had lots of them) where I was (sometimes still am) afraid of the darkness inside me. I ask myself continuous questions everyday. The choice that I had to make and you will too, "Do I commit to heal me?" Do not take the question lightly. For myself there have been many times of staring the devil himself right in the face. Seeing my own depravity. And then making the decision to continue the fight. The Fight for myself. So I have been when where you sit, So many of have and we are here to help you on this journey. This is the journey that we all must walk alone. But we can do it together.
A suggestion: when you feel something post it. You keep deleting because of the way it sounds. But post it. Give us your true thoughts and feelings so that we can help you better. (I just learned this lesson from my BS) You will also be able to look back at your thoughts and posts here and see your progression.
I was in your shoes. Had problems remembering things, but the cold harsh reality is: If you do not remember your BS can not forgive those acts, and will always be waiting for the next shoe to drop. She will never feel safe. And without feeling safe with you, she will have to be safe without you.
It is good that you are reading. that is important. I am glad you felt good sharing your with your wife.
I would like to offer advice on telling her the full truth. On my 1st dday. I admitted to what she had found and nothing more. Went through and deleted email account, paper trails etc. After 2 months of trying to help her "Get past it" I cam clean with the whole truth. I felt the chains fall off of my chest. I felt free. For the first time in my life I was free! But here is the problem. All of the stuff I deleted to cover my tracks. I cannot prove anything that I say now. This is one of the biggest regrets I have in this process. So gather your information and present it to her.
By telling the truth the worst possibility is you build trust.