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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Is this a crazy idea?
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A while back, my therapist told me that it would be a good idea to reclaim the city where my H had his drunk ONS with the escort (July 2010).

Last year was our tenth anniversary but my H was having serious back issues (badly herniated disc) so we didn't do much to celebrate. He just asked me what I wanted to do for our anniversary and after I jokingly told him Bora Bora Bora, I realized that the city where he had the ONS is a close drive and would probably be a good choice for a quick weekend getaway.

I don't know if it would be too triggery. Due to the nature of his work, he gets tons of points that translate to free hotel stays in a couple of major chains, but I don't think I could handle staying in the same hotel that the ONS took place in. Which would mean we'd have to pay for something else - I don't know. Do you think it's high time we reclaimed this city or should I just pick somewhere neutral?


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6804 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you feel this is a good time right now given everything else you have had to deal with emotionally?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5051 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's probably a good point, TG. A REALLY good point. I'm overall pretty good most of the time, but it doesn't take much to put me on the bus to crazy-town at this point.

Bah, the entire state of North Carolina is pretty much out, as well as Nashville.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 11:46 AM, July 14th (Monday)]


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6804 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe down the road. When things have been calm for quite awhile.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5051 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not really my favorite city anyway, but there's someplace there that I'd love to take Baby Green - might be better as a family trip someday.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6804 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you are going to have to stop calling her baby green


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5051 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you are going to have to stop calling her baby green

I know! Her legs are a full mile long now and her hair's past her waist. She's a big girl.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6804 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
ItsaClimb
♀ Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe it's just me, but I am finding as I travel this road that I am inclined to rush things, in the hopes of getting to "The End" (as in the end of the pain, hurt, trauma....) quicker - but it doesn't work like that. I am discovering that this is one journey that I can't control, I can't rush, I have to patiently walk the road I am on at a much slower pace than I want to. I get the feeling (and this is just IMHO) that you might be rushing this. Maybe it would be better to wait, especially in light of all the extra stress you have had recently.


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1020 | Registered: Oct 2012
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not crazy on its face, but I agree that maybe it isn't the best time. Go ENJOY your anniversary, and save trigger-busting for another day.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6545 | Registered: Jan 2011
hopefull77
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with rebreather....maybe go some place you have never been...
I have decided that we will celebrate dday every year at a resort about an hour north....he never took her there but we did stay their once during his A....he was very distant and crabby....pretty much his normal during his 2 year A..
But last year we went and had a great time....
It's quiet and very peaceful ....
We will go again in 4 months....
The main thing that has been re-claimed is our marriage....


me-BS
him-WS
3 adult children 1D 2S
married-1977
LTA 09-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr



Posts: 609 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you ladies, I'm glad I posted about this. Our anniversary isn't until September but I think you're right in that this is not the right time.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6804 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would caution never to reclaim something for the first time on a day like an anniversary, birthday, holiday... if it doesn't go well, it can taint that day as well.


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6544 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
WhiteCarrera
♂ Member
Member # 29126
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife's affair started at a little golf resort in Michigan. I went there by myself once and walked around the place, even had a sandwich in the bar where their encounter started. All in all, it was good for me, but I don't think it would have been a good experience if I had expected her to go along as well, especially on a special date like an anniversary. Just my two cents ,,,


If I want recovery, then I must allow for it to actually happen.
Is it possible that I actually do have all the truth now?

me - husband A46
her - wife A42
Married 17 years
D-Day August 2, 2009
3 kids 11, 13, and 15


Posts: 276 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Midwest
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update in case anyone was wondering - Asheville is the triggery city. I proposed that we go to Damascus Virginia and ride the Virginia Creeper Trail. It's only 20 minutes further driving time than Asheville and it's completely non-triggery. I'm really excited!


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6804 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
heme
♀ Member
Member # 40684
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like you have a good plan on what to do :)

BTW, I call my 7yo my little baby girl even though she is not little, not a baby and not my youngest. I call her siblings my babies as well. I don't care how old they are they will always be my babies.


BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September

Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.


Posts: 205 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 15

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