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User Topic: 4 yrs ago this month.
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I stopped having sex with my husband four years ago this month. I stopped because I wanted to protect myself.

I've been thinking about all of it and I can honestly say I don't remember what any of it feels like. I don't remember what it feels like to be kissed, hugged, held. I don't remember what sex feels like. I don't remember what it feels like to hold a hand. I don't remember any of it. Hell, I don't remember if we ever cuddled in bed.

It's like the slate is wiped clean and the only thing in it's place is pain, heartache, and confusion.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
FixYou71
♀ Member
Member # 42654
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why? Why are you in a marriage completely void of intimacy?Wow. I am so sorry.
(((Simplydevastated)))


BS: 43
H: 49
Dday #1 Oct 2007 (Porn for 2 yrs)
Dday #2 May 2013 (Porn for 5 more yrs))
Dday#3 May 2014 (finally admitted to drunk kissing OW in 1994: the 2nd drunken kiss with another woman during our M)
DD 21 and DS 17
Married 1993

Posts: 451 | Registered: Mar 2014
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:04 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It will be a year for me. I feel the same way. I wasn't made for this lifestyle, I miss intimacy but I can't take a chance on catching something, plus I've been detaching and don't want to backslide and have to start the process again.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fixyou, I'm working on getting out.

I miss intimacy but I can't take a chance on catching something, plus I've been detaching and don't want to backslide and have to start the process again.

That's exactly it.

I can't say that I'm fine with it because I'm obviously not. It's just some days it hits me harder than others.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been almost 4 years for me, but my exWH has been gone for almost 4 years. I also miss having someone to hold me. At this point, a hug from a man who cares would be nice so I know how you feel.

I can't imagine though missing all of that for all that time while he was right in front of me. It must be torture. I hope you can get out much sooner rather than later. Once you're free, there will be peace in your house and freedom to find what he can never give you again.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2835 | Registered: Jan 2011
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you.

I'm now at the point that hugging is uncomfortable for me. Someone came over Sunday and she came right up to me and gave a quick hug. I didn't know what to do. It was very uncomfortable. I wonder if, in the future, I will even be able to accept affection of any kind.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why have you chosen to remain in such a dysfunctional marriage and unhealthy environment for 4 years and counting?

I don't get it. Is this some sort of self punishment?

I'm not sure what you're hoping to accomplish by slowly selling off pieces of your soul day after day, year after year, to the point of becoming completely emotionally unhealthy.

There must be a payoff for you in this or you wouldn't be doing it, but quite frankly, I can't think of one positive reason. Not one positive, justifiable reason.

[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 8:40 AM, July 15th (Tuesday)]


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1804 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why? Well...I shouldn't ask that, I don't know the specifics of your story. How can you do this for 4yrs. Might as well not be married?

I've tried to detach from my wife sexually, but call me weak, I can't. I wish I could.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My story about leaving is detailed in another thread.

I posted this because the feelings hit me like a ton bricks last night and I needed to get it out.

2married2quit, you're not weak. You're holding out on hope. Detaching is difficult in more ways than one. Sending you strength and (((hugs)))


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Topic Posts: 9

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